"I'll have to think about it," I said. "I'll be busy, it's work for me, Rubes."
"Mum could come!" she said. "She could get a tent, she wouldn't mind!"
I laughed. "Not so sure about that. You'll have to ask her." I looked back at Mia in the rearview. "What about you, Mia, you up for a weekend's camping?"
She shrugged. "Will I get phone signal?"
"I dunno," I said. "Maybe Daisy could come, too. Talk to her in real life for a change, how about that?"
She smiled. "Cool, Dad."
I pulled up on the flat, nothing but open fields ahead of us. "You're up, Rubes," I said. I patted my lap and she clambered over the gearstick, sat between my legs and strained to reach the pedals. Her feet kicked short. "Not quite," I said. "You'll have to grow a bit."
She groaned. "Sucks."
"You can steer," I said. "Steady, remember?"
She pulled a face. "Yeah, of course I remember."
She giggled as I put the truck into first, her cute little fingers so small on the wheel. She was a natural, cranking that wheel and setting us right on the track lines. I pushed us up through the gears and she handled it like a champ, skirting the edge comfortably in third. She bounced as the truck did, shrieking in delight at the bumpy ground.
She'd done three laps by the time Mia came up front for her turn. Mia could reach the pedals. Ruby huffed in the backseat at the revelation.
I took the passenger seat, told Mia to buckle up and take it slow.
She knew the drill. She put us in first and crawled around awhile before she got brave enough to notch it up to second.
"That's the way," I said. "Give it a bit of welly now."
She was grinning her head off by the time we'd done for the afternoon. "I did it," she said. "I can practically drive already!"
"You're on your way, sure enough."
Ruby was sulking when she climbed back up front. She folded her arms in the passenger seat and glared out of the window. "She wasn't that good," she said. "She hardly even went in third."
"You were both great," I said. "Both of you. It's not a competition, Rubes."
She didn't look convinced.
"I mean it," I said. "You're sisters. You should be supporting each other, not squabbling over stupid shit." I shot them both a look. "There's only two of you, make it count."
Ruby was quiet for a minute. "Why does there have to be only two of us? Violet Harvey's got two sisters and a brother, and Kelly May has three brothers all to herself. Why can't we have a brother?" She sighed. "It's not fair. I'd like a brother, he'd like cars too. Violet doesn't even like her brother, she says he's a pig."
Mia laughed from the backseat. "Don't be such a sausage, Ruby. We're not going to have a brother, Mum hasn't even got a boyfriend, and even if she did we'd have a half-brother. You're such a baby sometimes."
"Steady," I said. "She's not a baby, she's just a lot younger than you."
Mia shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."
Ruby grimaced. "I don't want a half-brother, I want a proper brother, and I don't want Mum to get a boyfriend. Not if he's like boring Brian."
The thought punched me in the gut.
I should have done the right thing and told her of course a half-brother was a proper brother, of course it would be just as good, but the words stuck in my throat. They stuck and they stayed there. I couldn't speak a fucking word of it.
I changed the subject back to the rally and thanked my stars when they took the bait.
I took the girls to the Drum for their dinner, had a nice cold pint with my steak and ale pie. They chattered and bickered and chattered some more, conversation never straying far from the rally weekend and Daisy coming camping. Ruby was still a messy monster with her food, tomato sauce and peas all over the table when she'd finished. It made Mia seem all the older, holding her knife and fork so properly now, patting her lips with a napkin.
Where the hell was my little girl going? She was turning into a bloody teenager right in front of my eyes.
It was approaching eight by the time we set off back to theirs. I stopped off at mine on the way, dashed upstairs while they stayed in the truck. Might as well get this out of the way now, while it was fresh. I shoved the envelope in my pocket and headed back out.
Jodie was up and about by the time we arrived, and Tonya had already made a move. Just as well.
I waited on the porch as the girls told their driving stories, watching Jodie's expression like a hawk as talk of the rally weekend sprung up.
"We'll see," she said.
"But Mum!" Ruby wailed.
"I said we'll see. That's not a no, Ruby. It's a we'll see."
They shot off to watch TV with Nanna and I gave Jo their dinnertime lowdown.
"Thanks for today," she said. "I appreciated the sleep."
"No bother."
I gave her a nod when I was sure the girls were settled, and beckoned her further onto the porch. Her eyes widened as she pulled the door closed behind her.
I took the envelope from my pocket. It was still unopened.
She turned it over in her fingers. "What's this?"
"Your cash," I said, like it wasn't obvious.
Her eyes were like saucers. "But why?"
"Lads didn't want to take it."
"I'm not a charity case," she said. "I can pay."
I stared at her. "That isn't what they think. They just didn't want to take it, last night was on the house."
"Shit, Darren, I wanted to pay my way."
I shrugged. "What difference does it make?"
"A lot," she said.
I tried not to think about it, tried not to remember her pretty mouth gagging on Buck's thick dick. Tried not to remember the way she moaned for them, the way she rode Jimmy O's cock like he was a fucking stallion.
"Put it back in the bank," I said. "Forget about it."
"Or not," she said, and her eyes were twinkling. She could hardly hold back the smile.
"What?" I said.
She tried to hand me back the envelope. "Keep it," she said. "For next time."
I raised an eyebrow. "Next time?"
She nodded. "I mean, I wasn't going to … not using any more of Pop's money … but if last night was a freebie, and I still have the money I thought I'd spent already, then it makes sense to do it again … " She smiled. "I'd like to do it again, Darren." She paused. "All of it. It was amazing, thank you. If that's alright?"
No. It's not fucking alright.
The words were on the tip of my fucking tongue, a fire in my belly that wouldn't quit burning. The thought of them touching her again made me want to retch, anger so fucking black I had to fight the urge to punch the wall.
Her eyes were right on me. "Unless … unless they wouldn't want to … unless it was shit … I'm out of practice, it's been a while … " Her cheeks turned pink as I watched, her shoulders sagging.
Fucking hell.
I couldn't do it to her.
"It wasn't shit," I said. "Christ, Jo, of course it wasn't."
"Then what? What is it?"
She had no fucking idea.
I took the envelope back and slipped it in my pocket. She looked so relieved. "I booked you in early last time as a favour," I lied. "We've usually got a backlog. It might take some time."
She nodded. "I see."
No. No, you don't fucking see.
"A couple of weeks," I said. "That'll be the absolute earliest. Diary's pretty rammed."
She smiled but it was awkward. She wouldn't look at me. "I guess you can thank Mandy Taylor for that."
I wouldn't be thanking Mandy Taylor for fucking anything. "I'll have to let you know when."
"Thanks," she said. "I get you're busy. I don't expect to jump the queue."
The thought turned my fucking stomach. I lit up a cigarette. "Righto."
She nodded. "Good."
Was it hell.
"I'd best be going," I said. "Shit to do."
She laughed a weak laugh. "Guess you've got to get that backlog down."
"I'll be seeing you," I said.
I called goodbye to the girls and Nanna and got the hell out of there.
Ladies who lunch was off for me this week. Instead I was sitting outside Mrs Webber's office, waiting for an audience about Mia's Tyler Dean problem.
It had taken a real effort to get to the bottom of what the hell was going on. Mia had been determined to play it down, right to the bitter end. She'd cried when it finally came out, the whole sorry story of him and his dickhead friends taunting her all the way through the bus journey. It had broken my heart.