"Lovely. Anyone else I should know about?" I ask.
"You want the list?" Cage asks.
I let out a breath. "You know, I think I do."
He nods.
"I'll have it for you later," Celeste tells me.
"Thanks," I mutter.
She sighs. "Yeah."
Her tone's as wary as mine. Who knew being a Russo could be so dangerous?
"I was glad they stopped targeting me, but I'm not anymore. Not when they're going after Lucy," I announce.
"They won't get to her," Damian reassures me.
"And pretty soon they'll get bored knowing they can't get to her and refocus back on you," Ernesto says.
I nod. "I like that better."
"I don't," Cage mutters. "I don't like any of it."
"I'm not carrying a litter of Kingstons, so it's better if they shift focus back in my direction," I explain.
"I still don't like it."
"Me either, babe."
Silence descends for a few minutes.
"Ernesto, clean up your mess," Damian instructs.
"It's all fun and games until your prey pisses and shits themselves," Ernesto mutters.
Fun and games indeed.
Chapter 18
Coley
No one is a match. Out of thirty-plus people, not one match. I'm getting more tired each day and the doc wants to admit me to the hospital.
"Why? What can't you do that they'll do?" I ask.
He sighs. "Give you the attention and care you need. I can only do so much on a tour bus."
I want to hit something, to scream and kick and holler, but I don't. Instead I just fist the blankets tighter. I look over to Ben, who's talking with Cage and Sera and sadness fills me. He's going to have to leave tomorrow-they've already stayed here one day later.
"What's wrong, Coley girl?" Xan asks.
"You all have to go and I'm going to be here," I admit, picking at the blanket.
He nods. "Yeah, it sucks ass, that's for sure. But we've only got five more shows."
"In two weeks. Two full weeks," I point out.
"That's true, but that time will go fast."
"Not when I'm lying in a hospital bed, it won't. Trust me, I know. Been there, done that."
"I'm sorry, Coley. If there was anything I could do, you know I'd do it," Xan tells me.
"I know and I can't thank you enough."
He nods. "Do you have any family who might be a match?"
I can't lie. They know about my aunt. "I do. But if they come here, they're at risk. I left to spare them-and their children-from that."
"This is your life," he tells me.
"And it's also theirs."
He lets out a sigh. "You're a stubborn one. You'd think you and Sera were sisters."
I snicker.
"I heard that," Sera calls out.
"Ears like an elephant!"
"I heard that too! My ears are not big!" she chastises and he chuckles.
Ben, Sera, and Cage walk over.
"We've got it worked out," Ben tells me.
"Got what worked out?" I ask, sitting here feeling sorry for myself, knowing they're leaving as soon as the doc gets me admitted.
"Sera's going to play for me."
"I'm confused. Play what?"
Ben grins. "She's going to take my spot on the tour and I'm going to stay here with you."
I hold my breath, trying so hard not to cry, but I can't hold back the tears.
"Now you did it," Xan chides.
"You-you're staying?" I whisper.
"Honey, I'm not going anywhere. I told you. The minute you said 'yes', it meant forever," Ben tells me, sitting on the bed next to me.
"I-" I cry then hiccup.
"It's okay, honey. Just relax. We've got you hooked up."
I nod. "Ben," I whisper.
He swallows hard and nods at me, knowing words can't express how much I'm feeling right now.
"Lucy's pissed off at Dr. D," Meggie announces as she walks in.
"Uh-oh," I say, giving the doc a side glance.
He shrugs. "She can't be in here. We still don't have all the results of the cultures, which means we don't know if we can rule out infection, which means if she comes in here, she puts those babies at risk. It's not safe for her to have them yet."
Xan nods. "She's got to keep them in the oven for five more weeks. Or is it four? Hell, I don't know but she's counting that shit down."
"I bet she is. Those babies are blessings," I say aloud, knowing I'll never be able to carry my own children. I've made my peace with that already. I just never thought to mention it to Ben. I know how much they all want family and babies-will this be a deal breaker?
"They're blessings until they're shitting every five minutes," Trace announces.
"Nice, real nice. Don't you want kids, Trace?" Sera asks.
He shrugs. "I never gave it much thought."
"You might want to. You and Megs are pretty serious and she just might want some little ones," Sera tells him.
His face pales a bit but then he relaxes when he looks at Meggie across the room. "Kids with that hair. Yeah. And those eyes."
"We definitely want them to look like Megs. You, sir, are one ugly mofo," Xan teases.
"Fuck off," Trace replies.
"Swear jar," I announce.
"Well worth it, darlin'. Well worth it," he says, heading out of the room.
Ben squeezes my hand and I meet his gaze.
"I can't believe you're staying," I say, then shake my head.
"Yep, I'm staying. I've also been thinking."
"That's what that smell was," I tease.
"Harsh, lady. Harsh."
I shrug.
He chuckles.
"You were thinking?"
He swallows hard and if I didn't know better, I'd say Ben's nervous. But really, what's there to be nervous about?
"I was. I was thinking that maybe you'd want to marry me," he blurts out and I spit out the sip of water I just took.
"Pardon?" I ask, eyes wide, jaw dropped.
"Marry me." When I hesitate he grasps my hand between his. "Do you know I'm it for you?"
I nod. "Yes."
"And I know you're it for me, so what are we waiting for?"
"Ben. You don't have to do this," I tell him softly, knowing he's moving at a pace that's less than comfortable for him and one that has me blinking in disbelief.
"Nicole, I love you. I've spent enough time away from you and apart from you. Marry me. Be my wife so we can go everywhere together," he pleads, his eyes shining with emotion.
I don't look away, just stare at him and think, why not? Who knows how much time I've got left, and if it's only a short time, I'd be damn lucky to spend it as Mrs. Ben Kingston. Maybe that's what's brought this on and I don't care. If I make it through this, I'll offer him an out if he wants one.
"Yes."
"What?" he asks, blinking. "Did you just say 'yes'?"
I nod and smile. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."
He leans in and kisses me, so deeply and so tenderly, I feel his love seep into me.
"Holy Hannah," Xan says next to me.
"My thoughts exactly."
"Sorry, man," Justin mutters to Lucian.
Lucian shrugs. "It was always going to be him for her. I just want her to be happy."
I want so much to hug him in this moment, to tell him how sorry I am, but I think it would just make him even more uncomfortable.
"Dude," Xander says walking over to them, "your chick is out there."
"Yeah, yeah," Justin mutters. "Quit with the girlie shit."
"Oh my God!" I hear Lucy shout. "Ben Kingston! Oh!" Then I hear sniffling and Ben grins down at me. "You proposed and I had to miss it," Lucy yells through her tears. "Ever since I got pregnant, I seem to miss all the good stuff."
Jesse chuckles. "Baby, you've got me and I'm your good stuff. That's all you need."
"What the fuck is going on? The Kingston men are emotional today," Ethan states, his disdain clear.
"No shit," Jace agrees. "Think they're on their periods?"
"Gotta be. That's the only explanation for them acting like chicks," Ethan replies.
"Fuck off," Jesse and Ben both say at the same time and I laugh.
"Swear jar," Kennedy announces from the doorway. "Looks like it's filling back up again. You're slipping, Kingston."
Jesse grunts. "I can't help it with these assholes around."
"Little sister, you're sure you want to marry this guy?" Kennedy asks, coming to sit next to me when Ben walks out to Lucy, who still isn't allowed in the room-just to be safe. "You know it's forever, right? Marriage will tie you to Ben for the rest of your life no matter what happens. He'll be the ol' ball and chain."
I nod. "I know. This is all happening so fucking fast I can't keep up."
"Better than the alternative where he had you waiting and wanting and hurting."
"Yeah, much better." I look down and pick at the blanket again.
"What is it?" Kennedy asks softly.
I shrug. "I don't think it's real."
"What do you mean?"
"Him asking me to marry him. I think it's just because I'm sick, you know? I know for a fact he wouldn't have asked me if I was healthy," I tell him quietly.