"You're just full of it today, aren't you?" I ask Xander.
"I don't know what you're talking about. But maybe we should talk about the fact that red meat makes semen saltier than average."
"Shut the front door," Meggie says.
Xan looks at Megs. "It's true. I'm sure I taste like a damn salt factory … or the ocean because God knows I can come a lot-"
"No. That's going too far," Trace states.
"Yeah, I guess that was too much, huh?"
"Ya think?" Kennedy mocks.
"Hey!" Xan says to me. "Some funky shit is listed under the 'makes cum taste good' column and wheatgrass is one of them, so you should be good to go. Add in the fruit you put in there, you're golden." He pauses to look around me at Ben. "Ben, my man, you're a lucky man."
"For real, what the hell is wrong with you today?" Ben asks.
"Today?" Jace asks.
"True enough," Ben replies. "He's just … more today."
Xander straightens and gives a cocky grin. "Dude, I'm always 'more'."
"For the love of all that's holy," Ethan mutters.
"And, Trace, you're a lucky son of a bitch, too. Cinnamon is another of the 'good' things and Megs loves those cinnamon candies," he says, making air quotes.
"You don't have to tell me," Trace replies. "I've become a big fan of cinnamon."
"So what else is good and bad?" I ask. Ben sighs next to me and I grin.
"Bad is fast food. Grease and fat are no bueno. Drinking a lot of water is a plus. Apparently it washes out the toxins. Who the hell knew jizz was toxic?" he asks, genuinely perplexed and I laugh out loud. Oh, God, that's hilarious. He's taking this so serious that I can't help myself. I keep laughing. I know they're all looking at me, but watching him … I break off into giggles.
"I think I liked it better when she couldn't stand him," Kennedy says.
Xan flips him off. "I knew she'd come around. It was just a matter of time. No one can resist the Xan Man."
"Oh my," I begin, laughing so hard I snort. Xander grins huge at that. "Did you just call yourself 'Xan Man'?" I ask between fits of giggles. Meggie and Lucy are giggling with me and even Jesse's grinning.
"Damn right. I'm 'Xan my man', right Luce?" he asks.
"Yep. And I'm 'Luce my goose'," she answers.
"And I need to finish those nicknames," Sera announces as she steps onto the bus.
Ben groans. "I can't take anymore today."
"What's wrong, Benny?" Sera teases.
He just clamps his lips shut tight and says nothing.
"Ben can't handle the truths and falses about sweet and bitter cum," Xan states plainly and I snicker again.
"Dear God," Cage mutters. "Why? Why do I walk in every time?"
"Your bat sense goes off?" Sera questions.
"That's Spider-Man," Jace corrects.
"Oh, whatever. So you read my Cosmo?" she asks, her eyebrows raised.
"I did. There are some really great articles in there. I can see why you and Cage have such a great sex life," he tells her.
Sera wiggles her eyebrows. "Great is an understatement."
One side of Cage's mouth twitches. Was that a smile? I wonder what he'd look like if he had a full smile. I don't think I've ever seen that. Even when he laughs, he doesn't have a full smile.
"What?" Sera asks, noticing me staring at Cage.
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. That look was something."
I sigh. "I was just wondering what Cage would look like if he smiled one of those Xander smiles."
Sera grins. "He looks beautiful. His eyes sparkle when he laughs like that."
I nod. It's one of those things he saves for just her, I guess, and that's awesome. That's what couples should do. Save those special intimacies for one another. I wonder what intimacies Ben and I will have … if we'll have any.
"I can hear you thinking, Nicole," Ben murmurs.
I shrug.
"Time will give us things like that." He reaches out and runs a finger down my cheek. "I wish I could take you on a real date."
I don't even try to fight the smile. "Where would we go?"
"Out to a nice restaurant. Somewhere that isn't too noisy or crowded. I'd request a table in the back so we'd have more privacy while we talk about whatever we want."
"Holy Hannah."
Ben smiles.
"Who's Hannah?" Xander asks.
I snicker. "There's no Hannah. It's just a saying."
He frowns. "I've heard of holy smokes, holy crap, holy shit, holy moly, holy guacamole, but never holy Hannah."
"You're hanging out in the wrong crowd then."
"Huh," is all he says but I can see the wheels turning and I bite back a laugh. "This guy, this Xander is the Xander I've been wanting to see. Not the super silly, smile-never-reaching-his-eyes Xander. I don't like him. He's not real," I blurt out and then put a hand over my mouth, mortified I said that out loud.
Xan looks at me with a soft smile. "You know too much for someone your age."
"Live the life I've lived and you find you need to, to be able to survive," I admit.
"What was your life like?" Xan asks.
"Xander," Lucy scolds.
"What?" he asks.
"It's okay, Luce."
"Okay," she replies.
"What was my life like?"
Xander nods.
"It was both amazing and horrible at the same time. My mom was the best. She was my best friend. We did everything together and we made it through some of the worst things … " I trail off.
"You don't have to talk about it," Ben tells me.
"No, really. It's okay. We moved around a lot. Let's just say my dad isn't a nice man so we tried to stay off of his radar. Sometimes it'd only be a couple months before he found us, other times it'd be years. I was grateful he didn't find us when mom got sick. She couldn't have handled that move. It would have been too much for her and I'd have lost her even sooner."
No one says anything so I continue.
"The last place we ended up together was in Colorado. My aunt, my mom's sister, and her husband took us in." Thinking back, I remember just how exhausting and harried that trip was. "Our car broke down and we didn't have a cell phone so we had to walk. Well, we were at a higher elevation so it got cold. It was night and we walked and walked. It felt like forever but my mama kept reassuring me we were almost there and when we got there, we'd be safe. And I wanted that-to be safe."
"From your dad?" Ben asks.
I nod and Ben curses underneath his breath.
"I don't think of him as my dad. I think of him as a very cruel sperm donor, one that stalked and harassed my mother so much she would get physically ill. If it were possible, I'd think he was the reason she got the cancer, but I know it's not. It'd be easier to accept than the fact that cancer took my mama, the best person I've ever known."
"Wow," Xander says. "I wish I had a mom like that. My mom's too wrapped up in who she's going to perform plastic surgery on next and who the next husband is going to be, to be a good mother."
"I'm sorry," I tell him. He shrugs. Yeah. I know that shrug well. It's a way to hide what you really mean and feel. I'm the master of that shrug.
"Tell us more about your mom," Kennedy coaxes.
I grin. "Thinking of her makes me smile. We had so much fun together. We made hiding from my dad an adventure rather than looking at it with fear. If we gave in to the fear, then he'd win. I vowed I'd never let him win. No matter what."
I pause, taking a drink of the Gatorade Sera hands me. "Thanks."
She nods. "Better me giving it to you than Dr. Sexy Voice scolding you."
"True enough. Isn't it funny how he doesn't raise his voice or even change his tone, but you know he's yelling at you anyway?" I ask no one in particular.
"He's hot," Meggie says. "He can yell at me anytime he wants."
"The hell he can," Trace tells her.
Everyone laughs.
"Continue with your story," Sera urges.
"My mom was born into money and her dad had a private account set aside for her before he died. I think he knew my dad was a bastard before he showed any signs of it. Her having the money gave her the means to get out. Her having me, made that much more difficult. My dad said she could go but I had to stay. I was his daughter and she wasn't taking me anywhere. He knew mom would never do that and he assumed she had no one to go to and no money to get there."
"She never mentioned her sister to him?" Ethan asks.
"No. Their age difference kept them from ever being close. My mom was five years older than her sister."
"She toughed it out a long time," Ethan mutters.
I nod. "One of the guards-"
"Guards?" Ben asks.
"Yeah. My dad was rich, but he came by his money in the vilest of ways." I look to Cage who gives me a nod. I tilt my head to the side and he nods again. Well then. He knows about me and who my dad is. Of course he does. I mean, he's the second in command in the Russo Famiglia. Shit. Mafia everywhere, but these people, this family, doesn't make me want to run for the hills. They make me feel safe.