Ballad:Rockstar 05(17)

"What are you thinking of?" he sings harshly, but by the fourth repeat he's desperate.

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you … "         

     



 

I can't help but wonder as I sing softly with this amazing man what-who  has his heart hurting so badly. Coley walks onto the bus and takes a  seat on the sofa opposite us, pulling her knees up to her chin, wrapping  her arms around them, and watching with sad eyes as Xander pours his  soul into the song.

He doesn't stop when the song ends. He moves on to Separate Lives by  Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin, then Missing You by John Waite,  Faithfully by Journey, I Don't Want To Live Without Your Love by  Foreigner, and when he gets to Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx, Lucy  and I are struggling through tears while Xander mourns. That's the only  word that fits.

Right now, in this moment, Xander is mourning for this woman, and in  this moment I want very much to understand what happened. I don't want  to have to browbeat a name out of him so I can throat punch a bitch.

*Wherever you go,

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you*

We're all silent when he strums the last chord. Lucy and I just wait-Coley remains silent, tears glistening in her eyes.

If he wants to share, we're here to listen. If he doesn't want to, we're  here to love on him. This crazy, amazing, silly man with a heart of  gold.

He starts to speak but then stops himself.

I rub circles on his back, soothing and encouraging him to continue  while Lucy rubs his shoulder. He sets the guitar down and leans forward,  elbows resting on his knees, hands loose between his bent legs, and his  head is hanging down. He stares at his hands-the ones that just created  such amazing and heartbreaking music-and continues.

"Tera," he says softly.

"What?" Lucy asks meekly.

He shakes his head, grabs the guitar and puts it with the others. He gets to the steps on the bus and turns to us.

He smiles sadly. "Tera. Her name is Tera."

Then he turns and walks off the bus.

We just sit there for a minute before Coley breaks the silence. "That. That right there is what I knew he was hiding."

"How could you know that?" Lucy asks.

Coley shrugs a shoulder. "His smile doesn't always reach his eyes. I  knew he was hiding something deep down inside that made him sad."

"Sad doesn't even begin to cover it," Lucy tells her, then turns to me. "Tera?"

"Well slap my ass and call me Judy," I say, in shock.

"I'm not really a fan of the name, Judy," Cage says as he steps onto the bus, Jesse following closely behind.

I grin. "Role play, honey. Role play."

He reaches for my hand and gently pulls me up to standing. "We can do so  much better than ‘Judy'." He kisses my lips. "I'd prefer we stick with  ‘Fee'. I'm rather fond of it."

"Why ‘Fee'?" Jesse asks.

Cage smirks. "Go on," he urges.

"Okay." I smile back and kiss him quickly. I love the reasoning behind  this. "Cage isn't an endearment type of guy, though he does call me some  pretty inventive things sometimes." I wiggle my eyebrows and he laughs.

"Anyway … " Lucy says with a laugh.

"Anyway, he didn't want to call me Sera like everyone else but didn't  really want to go with the common nicknames either. There is nothing  common about this man. I'm just saying. So, one day we were alone and  working on some music video stuff and he, completely out of the blue,  called me ‘Fee'. I loved it and, obviously, he did too because it  stuck."

"I've never heard you call her that until recently," Lucy chides.

"It's private," is all Cage says then pulls me toward the doors. "Let's go get private."

He doesn't have to tell me twice.





Chapter 11




Cage



"Where are we going?" my Fee asks me. I don't answer, just pull her closer into my side and keep walking.

"This 'man of few words' thing can be hot but it can also be annoying," she tells me, giving me a sidelong glance.

"Is that so."

"Yep."

"You shouldn't say things like that to Batman. You never know what he'll do," I tease.

She laughs. "Ooh. Maybe Batman will tie me up with his grappling rope or  blindfold me with his cape. Maybe he'll have some naughty things in his  utility belt."

I grin. "I'm sure Batman's prepared for every situation."

"Mmm," Fee purrs against me.

"Ah, here we are."

"I am not getting on the roadies' bus. It's nasty in there."

"It's not. I had it cleaned as well as the medical bus. The bands are on their own," I reassure her.         

     



 

"Okay, but if something slithers out of somewhere … "

"Have I ever purposefully put you in harm's way?" I ask.

"No, Cage. You would never," she tells me, wrapping her arms around my middle.

"Exactly. Now let's go," I order and she winks.

When we step onto the bus she gasps. It's not easy finding alone time  with your wife when you've got this many people on tour with you, but I  threw money at the guys-and girls-and now the bus is ours for the next  few hours.

She walks slowly, taking in the candles I've set out. The slow music  I've put on with our wedding songs and others we've sung to one another.  Then she turns and looks at me, my wife. My life. My Fee.

Desire is burning in her eyes matching the heat I've had to contain for  the last week. No hotel means no privacy, which means quickies when we  can. We manage them daily, but I don't want quickies. I want to worship  my wife.

I stride toward her, stopping a foot away from her. She looks up at me  and my heart skips a beat. I know that sounds corny and even a bit  girlie, but that's how it is every time Fee and I are in the same room.  One look. That's all it takes-that's all it took for her to own my heart  and soul all those years ago.

"I love you, Fee," I confess, resting my forehead to hers.

Her breath catches and it makes me feel …  like Batman. I smirk.

"I love you so much," she answers and then I don't hesitate, I lean in  and press my lips to hers. We both go slow, wrapping our arms around one  another unhurriedly, luxuriating in the kiss, the taste and feel of one  another.

I pull back. "I had lunch delivered."

She lifts a brow. "I thought you were my lunch."

I can't help but laugh. This woman. She has made me laugh more in the last eight months than I have in my entire life.

"I'll be your dessert. Let's enjoy a quiet meal together."

"Like we do at home," she adds.

I nod. "Yes."

She sighs and takes a seat at the table. "I miss our breakfasts together. Our dinners. Our movies and popcorn in bed."

"I do too, Fee," I tell her, bringing over the chicken dish I had  prepared for us. We each have a plate covered with a warmer, and I  remove hers. She inhales deeply.

"Oh, God. That smells so good I'm drooling. Takeout and sandwiches gets  old. And, yeah, Misty may cook, but one good meal a day doesn't cut it.  I've had to up my exercise time so I don't start jiggling," she tells me  as she pinches her ass. What a fine ass it is.

"Fee. You're beautiful. You will always be beautiful to me."

"Jiggly or not?"

"Yes. Now, let's eat so we can get to that dessert."



"That was so good," Fee tells me, patting her belly. It really was  amazing. I'm going to have to get the name of that chef and talk to Gio.  Someone with that much talent should be recognized.

I push the plate to the side and I reach for my wine when she leans up. I  raise a brow and she gives me a devilish grin. I'm not sure how it  worked out, but Bad Intentions by Nikyee Heaton comes on and Fee's grin  grows.

She puts her first knee on the table, then the next. She doesn't do  anything but sit back on her heels on top of the table. She reaches down  and lifts her shirt over her head.

Fuck. She's going to test my restraint. I crook my finger at her and she  smiles. She crawls once more, but barely closing any distance between  us before she kicks her shoes off.

"Fee," I say sternly.

"Cage."

"Do you know what this means?" I ask, crooking my finger again.

"Yes."

"Then get your sweet ass over here."

"What if I don't want to just yet?" she asks.

"Then when you're ready to come, what if I don't want you to just yet?  What if I withhold your orgasm, building you up, taking you to the edge,  but not letting you fall over? Then doing it again and again."

"Not letting me come isn't very nice," she tells me.

"Not listening to me when I command you to do something isn't very nice  either. You know the rules, my Fee." And she does. She learned them  quickly. I never could have anticipated Fee enjoying being dominated in  bed. Never in a thousand years. But she does. And she submits to me,  giving me everything she is as I do the same in return. I give her my  heart, my soul, my love, and pleasure like she's never known. When she  told me that, it did great things for my pride, I won't lie. I am a man  after all.