“As soon as it came out of my mouth, I tried to take it back,” he whispered.
Nick lifted his head and sighed.
“Your father doesn’t deserve for you to care. I know that, Nick. I know that. And you’ve always been there for me, even when you probably should have told me to go fuck myself.”
Nick didn’t respond. He ducked his head again and swiped his hand over his chin.
“I was wrong,” Ty tried. “I know what you’ve done. I know what you are. I was . . . are you even listening to me?”
“You’re an asshole, Tyler,” Nick said. “But I’ve known that from the start. That’s the reason we’ve stayed friends.”
“Because we’re both assholes?”
“Yep. You really think anything you say can hurt my feelings?”
“Well . . .”
Nick huffed and shook his head.
“I haven’t been a very good friend to you,” Ty said, almost choking on the sentiment. “Not nearly as good as you deserve.”
Nick finally looked at him. “You earned my loyalty when you sat beside me on that bus to Parris Island. And every day after. So the times you want to be a complete cockholster like tonight, I tend to overlook it.”
Ty tried hard not smile. He snorted quietly, then bit his lip so he wouldn’t laugh. “I appreciate that.”
“Shut up.”
“Okay.”
They sat in silence, both staring out at the water, both knowing the conversation wasn’t done. When Nick spoke again, he didn’t preface it with anything, not even an audible inhalation.
“You need to stop drinking in front of Zane.”
Ty nodded slowly. “I realized that the other night. Did he say something to you?”
“No. But it’s hard for him regardless, and you’re a sloppy drunk.”
Ty nodded again. It wasn’t anything he didn’t already know or hadn’t told himself. He’d needed to hear it from someone else, though. Nick had always been good at that.
The silence threatened to return when Nick chose not to expound on his advice. When he spoke again, he changed tacks faster than Ty usually did.
“My dad is dying.”
Ty glanced at him, struggling with his immediate reaction to the news. Finally, he just went with it. “Good.”
Nick nodded. “That was my first thought, too.”
Understanding finally dawned on Ty. “And you been feeling guilty ever since, right?”
Nick shrugged. “I’ll always feel guilty.”
“Is that what’s been going on with you? I know you have Kelly now, but . . . if you need to talk about it, I’m still here. I’m still here.”
“He needs a new liver,” Nick said, still staring off into the water. “And I’m the only one in the family who might be a match to his blood type and size.”
“He wants a part of your liver?” Ty blurted. “Well, fuck him!”
Nick laughed.
Ty wavered between outrage and fear. “Are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Nick . . .”
“If I don’t do it,” Nick started, his voice low and calm like it almost always was, “I might as well be putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. That’ll be on me, not him.”
“No one would blame you.”
Nick didn’t answer. He stared off into the night for several minutes. Both of them were silent. Then Nick lowered his head and brought his hand up to his eyes. His broad shoulders slumped like he was finally bending under a huge weight, and he gasped for air.
Ty scrambled closer to him, the cliff’s edge always in the back of his mind, and put his arm around Nick. Nick collapsed into him, and Ty cradled his head against his chest, beginning the rocking motion that always brought him comfort when he needed it.
It wasn’t the first time one of them had held the other when he broke down like this, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.
Ty patted Nick’s hair and rested his chin on top of his head. Nick had stood like a rock in a tempest his entire life, rain beating at him, the tides trying to carve away his soul, the relentless howl of the wind always at his shores. But Nick was the first to smile, the first to laugh, the first to joke. He was the first to put his shoulder to yours when the storm came calling.
He deserved more than a family who turned their backs on him. More than a lifetime of second best. And he damn well deserved more from Ty than to be merely an afterthought when Ty needed help.
The more Ty thought of it, of the way Nick’s smile could light an entire room despite how broken he had always been, the angrier he became. His body began to tremble and he held Nick tighter. Tears came unbidden to his eyes and he hung his head, ashamed to realize he wasn’t worthy of the loyalty Nick had always given him. He would never be worthy.