My fingers dance down his spine, and my mouth follows them. He shivers as my lips kiss his ruined flesh.
I want to tell him how I get it. I want to tell him how I wake up some mornings convinced the blood is still running down my thighs faster than I can wipe it away. How I still feel the cramps as I bleed out on that hospital gurney.
How I still remember the moment the baby in my belly slopped out like offal onto the hospital floor as I tried to lift myself onto the commode.
But I don’t say a word. Not as my fingers sweep across the taut skin on his shoulder and trail down his arm. Not as I kiss the marks the fire left on him, loving them just as much as the rest of him.
“It is as hideous as you thought?” he asks.
“I never thought it would be. Your scars are as beautiful as the rest of you.”
He laughs. “That’s quite a statement.”
“Didn’t really think you’d scare me off that easily, did you?”
He twists back to look at me. “No. I didn’t.”
I smile. “I’m kinda liking this lights-on thing. Maybe we can keep it running.”
“Maybe I should start chasing you in the daylight.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Maybe.”
“Be careful what you wish for. You might end up naked in front of your friends at your next barbeque.”
“You’d have to catch me first.” I stick my tongue out.
I squeak as he pounces, flipping to pin me flat before I’ve moved an inch. “I haven’t struggled to catch you so far.”
“There’s time,” I whisper.
“All the time in the world,” he says and my belly flutters so hard I could fly.
I squirm to get my hands free, and he gives me enough leeway to slide my fingers down the back of his jeans. “I want you naked,” I say.
“I want your pretty mouth around my cock,” he says back.
I’m on my knees and waiting even as he gets to his feet. My mouth is open as he drops his pants and presents the beast for my viewing.
His fingers are gripped tight around his shaft, just like on his photograph. The barbells glint in the lamplight as he works his fist up and down.
It’s monstrously beautiful. My fingers look tiny as he wraps them around the base of him.
I love the way his piercings feel against my thumb. The bumps of metal under his skin feel alien. They clip my teeth as I suck him into my mouth.
“Good girl,” he says and wraps his fingers in my hair.
I’m a slavering wreck in one thrust. My throat heaves at the pressure as he pushes deep.
But I take it.
I’ll always take it.
There’s a tenderness in the way his thumb brushes my cheek. A warmth in his eyes as he stares down on me, even as I choke and splutter.
He pulls away as I feel him tightening in my throat. The bumps tickle my tongue.
“Now I want to see everything,” he says. “On your back, spread that hungry little cunt for me.”
How I love his filthy fucking mouth.
I don’t hesitate, spreading my legs as far as they’ll go and splaying my pussy wide with my fingers. My clit is swollen, it sparks as he stares.
He drops to his knees and edges closer, pulling me forward until my ass hangs over the edge of the bed. Perfect height.
He wraps a hand around the back of my neck and holds me up. “I want you to see this,” he says, and I do too.
I cry out at the glorious moment the head of him plunges inside me. It’s divine to watch him shunting it in, inch by inch.
I watch every thrust. Grunting like a dirty little slut as he fucks me deep.
I keep my fingers splayed wide, my thumb brushing my clit enough to drive me fucking crazy.
I come way before he does, and again before he’s even broken a sweat.
I lose my shit as he circles his hips and his ridges press deep. I’m begging him for more even as it hurts.
His forehead is tight to mine as he curses and comes.
He stays deep as he comes inside me, his eyes right on mine as he catches his breath.
And I wish…
I shouldn’t, but I do…
I wish that the baby had been his.
The revelation is enough to take my breath. My belly pains at the memory of losing half of me that night.
“What is it?” he asks, and I shake my head. He’s not deterred. “What’s wrong?”
I take a breath as he pulls out of me. My lips are on his as he shunts me further up the bed and climbs up to join me.
“It’s nothing,” I lie as he breaks the kiss and comes to lie by my side.
His hand is on my belly, his chin on my shoulder, and his seed is deep inside me.
But it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter how many times he comes inside me.
How many times I get a flutter at the memory of having a new life growing inside me. Of talking to a little person who’ll never be born. Of promising them we’ll be just fine on our own, Stephen be damned.