I knew I could never go back to Michael. I didn’t want to, first and foremost, for myself. Not because of Sebastian or any other reason than that I just didn’t want that life or that version of myself. I wanted this me. The one who took a chance on a different life with a stranger in a bar in Ketchikan, Alaska. The one who wasn’t afraid to kick some ass, fuck like the tigress I was, and never apologize for any of my sharp edges. Hell, maybe I’d get some tattoos. Take those edges and sharpen them, flaunt them for everyone to see.
I stood up, straightening my back. I turned around, took a deep breath, and let it out, feeling peace wash through me. “You’re right, you know. I did change myself. That wasn’t you, that was all me. And I guess I owe you an apology. It turned our whole relationship into something it wasn’t, into something it could never be. So, for that, I’m sorry.”
“Dru, wait, just listen—”
“I’m not done, Michael. Yes, you were right about that. I turned myself into a boring version of me, went to college and got a degree I didn’t really want, took a boring job I hated, lived in a city I’ve never felt at home in, spent four years trying to convince myself I loved a man I couldn’t ever really love and never had.”
I jabbed a finger at him, let everything spill out. “But that doesn’t excuse what you did! If you weren’t happy, you should have broken up with me! If the sex was boring, you should have—I don’t know, tried to spice it up! Tried something different! Tied me up or put it in my ass or something. Anything! But you never did. So what if it wasn’t enough? I wasn’t enough for you? Fine, okay, whatever. Maybe we were both at fault, or maybe I’m the only one at fault for pretending to be something I wasn’t, but you should’ve broken up with me if that were the case, not proposed! And just because I wasn’t enough, just because I wasn’t what you wanted, that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to start fucking around!”
“I know, I just—”
“NO! There’s no you just.” I slammed a fist on the table. “Tell me why! Why her, why then?”
He deflated further, if that was even possible. “Tawny and me…we’d known each other before you and I met. We’d had a thing in college, just a brief fling, but—”
“Wait, college? Can she even read?”
His expression soured. “Don’t be a bitch, Dru.”
I seethed. “What did you just call me?”
He held up his hands. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”
“Damn right it was.”
“Point is, yes, she went to college.”
“And how do we get from you having a fling with her in college to you fucking her on our wedding day?”
He shifted, getting uncomfortable now. “I—she and I, we…”
“Spit it out, Michael.”
A sigh. “That time you went backpacking with your dad?”
I gaped at him. “Really? We were gone three days! Not even!”
“Everybody came over for some drinks, and Tawny was the last one to leave, and we’d both had a little too much…” He shrugged. “And one thing led to another.”
“That was two years ago.” I was barely holding myself together, seconds from ripping him apart. “Two years ago. So all this time…?” I trailed off, waiting for him to fill in the rest.
And he did. “All this time, yes.”
“I never even guessed.”
“We were careful.”
I struggled to keep some composure. “When? Where? How often?”
He sighed. “Does it matter?”
“YES IT MATTERS!” I screamed.
“The salon where she works.” He was eyeing me as if I was a time bomb liable to go off at any second—which, admittedly, I was. “The tanning booths. Pretty much every day.”
“I never smelled her on you. You never called her, never texted her.”
He sighed again. “I’d go see her in the morning, on the way to the gym. We’d meet at her salon, and then I’d go work out, take a shower, and go to work.” A wave of his hand. “She never called me, and I always deleted our text threads before I got home.”
“So you’ve been seeing Tawny on the side for two years?” I nearly crumpled. “Two years. You’ve ben cheating on me for two years?”
“Yes.”
I wobbled, and the room spun. Hearing it said outright took the earth off its axis. I collapsed onto my butt on the floor behind the bar. “And…the proposal, the wedding, everything…you’d have gone through with it, but kept seeing her on the side?”