Badd Motherf*cker(36)

“And that’s supposed to reassure me?” I crossed my arms over my chest and shot a look at his fly.

He glanced down, realized he was still open, and zipped and buttoned his jeans. “No, I just—”

“Because that’s all I’ll be too, eventually, right? Some desperate bitch showing up hoping for a pity fuck from the almighty Sebastian?”

“That’s not what I meant.” He sounded a little irritated.

And I knew I wasn’t being rational. He didn’t owe me anything. I had no right to treat him this way. If he wanted to fuck someone else he could, and there was nothing I could say. If he wanted to let some chick blow him in the alley behind his bar, he had every right to that, and he owed me zero explanations.

And honestly, the fact that I felt like he did owe me that, that I wanted it from him…bothered me. I shouldn’t want that.

At that moment, I saw Zane poke his head out the door of the bar. “Yo, Bast. Need your help, brother. Gettin’ a little hairy in here.”

Sebastian growled in frustration. “I gotta go. But please, don’t leave. I didn’t touch her, didn’t let her touch me. She means nothing to me, Dru, and that’s the truth whether you believe it or not. I don’t normally go around explaining my shit to anyone, but for some reason the thought of letting you just leave without—I don’t know. I don’t know. I just know—”

“SEBASTIAN!” Zane’s voice was powerful and irritated, now. “Got pissed-off customers, man. Let’s go. This can happen later.”

“Go, Sebastian,” I said. “Your brother needs you.”

He growled again. “Please don’t leave. This ain’t over, honey. Not by a long shot.”

And then he was trotting back into the bar, and I was alone in the street, in the rain, completely clueless as to what I was even supposed to think or feel, much less what to do next. So I went back to the sailboat. Felt at odd ends, loose, adrift, with nothing to do.

I didn’t want to leave. I wanted more with Sebastian. I wanted him, full stop. It was foolish, probably. I’d only end up being hurt worse than ever, left to crawl back to Daddy in Seattle and try to rebuild the shattered ruins of my fucked-up life. Staying was a risk. And for what? A few minutes of feeling good in Sebastian Badd’s strong arms?

Fuck yes. Exactly for that. Because those few minutes promised to be…shit, better than anything I’d ever experienced. I just knew that’s what it would be. Life-changing, earth-shattering sex. And goddammit, but I wanted that. I wanted it bad.

But was I really willing to risk getting all attached to Sebastian because of how good the fucking was, only to have him send me packing once he’d had his fill of me? Because if what I’d had with Michael hadn’t been good enough for him to stay faithful, then what were the chances a man like Sebastian would find me satisfying? I mean, he was a god. Beyond gorgeous, tough, rough, dominant, skilled at sex, ran his own bar, had women so desperate for a second round with his cock that they were willing to do anything to get it, even blow him in the alley just for a chance to have more with him. And here was me, who couldn’t even get a boring regular old Joe like Michael to remain faithful.

Yeah, good luck. But something inside me insisted I give him a shot. Because it would be that good. It would be worth the risk.

I tried to put it out of my mind for a while.

I read, scrolled through social media on my phone, checked the news apps, read some more. Managed to crash again, even though I’d slept most of the day already.

I woke up with dim gray light filtering in though the windows. My phone was dead, so I had no idea what time it was, but my guess would have been around seven or eight in the morning.

And my first thought was Sebastian.

I wanted him. I knew it was likely to end badly, but some crazy, impulsive drive inside me was telling me to go for it. That I couldn’t let Michael wreck my life, or force me to put up even higher walls than I already had. I couldn’t let Michael’s betrayal turn me into a coward, into someone too scared to go after what she wanted. And I wanted Sebastian. I had no clue what it would look like, how it would go, how it would end, or if my heart would survive the experience, but I was willing to take a chance. I had to.

Fuck it.

I shoved open the door of the cabin, ducked out, slammed the door behind me, and jogged through the downpour back across the street. I opened the door to the bar, but found it empty. The lights were all off, and the door to the stairs leading up to the apartment was open, so I figured he must be up there, probably sleeping since it was still early morning.