Bad Wolf(95)

Tyler mans the reception desk of the shop. Not many people wander inside in the mornings, but hey.

"Nice try." He tsks. "I'm waiting."

"Fuck off, Tyler."

"If you can't tell your friends, who're you gonna tell your troubles to?"

"I don't have friends." I huff. "I don't do people. And people don't do me."

"Bullshit." He gives a lazy grin, like a lion who just ate the gazelle. "Maybe your definitions need some dusting. Newsflash, J: we are friends. You and me. You and Zane. You and Seth. You and Micah. Everyone here is your friend. We'd do anything for you, and deep inside, you fucking know it."

I chew on the inside of my cheek, mulling this over.

"Now normally you don't look like you're about to smash Zane's workspace to bits, which is why I'm asking you what happened. Tell me, and maybe I can help you fix it."

"Fix it. Don't know if anyone can fix it. Fix me."

"You?" Tyler frowns. "Nothing's wrong with you."

"Everything's wrong with me. I don't … " I clasp my hands behind my head and squeeze. "I don't know anything. When I think I understand how a relationship works, it turns out I understand jack. And girls …  I don't get them."

"Man, and who does?" He rolls his eyes and sighs, and it'd be damn funny if I wasn't smarting. Which is stupid, and I should stop.

Thing is, I've been telling myself this ever since I met her-stop feeling, stop wanting, stop hoping-and it's not working.

"This is about Amber, isn't it?" Tyler asks, and I nod.

No point in denying it.

"Serious?" He's eyeing me carefully, and I have no clue what he's thinking.

I know what I am thinking, though. "It is. For me."

"Well, damn." He grins.

No idea what he seems so pleased about.

"You're not listening, man. I don't think she feels the same way."

"Feelings. Well, this is getting better and better."

Dammit. "Screw you, Tyler."

Why the hell did I open up to him? True, I know him quite well-he's almost always here at the shop, and he is a quiet and calm guy. Never heard him yell, never saw him make a threatening move on anyone. Could be why.

"Amber likes you," another male voice says.

I look up, startled. "What?"

Micah is standing next to Tyler, glaring at me.

Whoa. What crawled up his ass? "Whatever."

"You heard me. She likes you a lot. She's head over heels with you. If that's the girl you're referring to, and I assume it is, seeing as it's the only girl you've been spending time with."

"And what's with the death glare?" I counter-attack, because, damn, I need a moment to process what he just said.

Head over heels? Amber?

"Take a guess. You go through girls like underwear. Amber is Ev's best friend. This is the mother of all bad ideas."                       
       
           



       

Uh-oh. I offended Micah's righteous sensibilities. Because before meeting Evangeline, he was obviously a hermit in some cave on a mountain, eating insects and hanging out with lions.

"So …  you and Amber, huh?" Ah, Zane has joined the beat-Jesse-with-a-righteous-stick party. "Seriously?"

"What do you mean, seriously?" A hot surge of anger shoots up my chest. I slam my fist on the counter. "Fuck off. All of you."

Micah is still glaring at me, and I know Ev isn't my biggest fan, but come on. Tyler pulls him away and they vanish somewhere in the shop.

"Told you to play nice with her, didn't I, fucker?" Zane wanders into the cubicle, and I'd love to throw him out right now, but hell, it's his cubicle and shop and all.

Fuck.

"Who says I didn't?"

"We wouldn't be talking about Amber if there wasn't trouble."

"And you naturally assume it's my fault." I'm tired of people thinking that before even asking.

"You're the one with the bad rep."

"Story of my life."

"Told you she was hurt in the past."

And I wasn't? "You did. I'm not gonna hurt her."

"You mean you won't be wrapped around another girl at the wedding reception?"

"Dammit, Zane, no, I won't." I grit my teeth. "I didn't know I was gonna meet her, all right? Meet someone like her. That she'd be different. For me."

He stills in the process of preparing the ink. "Different."

I eye him warily. "You also gonna tell me what a bad idea this is? Because, honestly, I'm all out of fucks."

He looks startled, then he scowls. "She's-"

"Okay, back off." I lurch to my feet and turn to go. "Maybe she's not as broken as you think. Maybe she's just cracked and only needs a bit of glue to put her straight."

Silence spreads.

Then Zane chuckles. "I like what you just said, fucker."

I chance a glance over my shoulder. Asshole is grinning from ear to ear.

"You do?"

"Yeah. So what happened? She said she's not interested?"

I rub my chest, where it hurts. "Something like that."

"So fight for her."

The fuck.

"This isn't a fantasy movie, Z-man. I don't have superpowers or anything." Yeah, I'm off balance and defensive as fuck. So what.

"Shut up, man. Who needs superpowers?" Zane's dark eyes narrow to the barest of slits. "Take her out, buy her a gift, show her she is the one. Convince her. You're a charming motherfucker. You can do it."

I blink. "You're okay with it?"

"Fucker … " He sighs, turns back to his tattoo gun. "I used to be a manwhore, worse than you. Until I met Dakota, and then I changed, because she was it for me. If Amber does that for you, who am I to stop you from being happy?"

Happy. That word again.

I can try. Nothing to lose. "I'm not a quitter." I wouldn't be alive if I was.

"Never thought you were."

"So I should …  what, date her?"

"That sounds about right."

I open my mouth, close it.

"And now we've solved the mysteries of love, let's get to work," Zane says. "Show me your drawings, and put on those gloves. Your next customer will be here any minute."

Well, hell.



Zane pushes me to do another part of a tattoo on his customer's back, and this time my hand is steadier and I'm more confident in my abilities.

But then he tells me he expects me to practice longer and finish his apprenticeship. He wants me to stop at least one of my other part time jobs to spend more time on drawing and practicing.

He's right. I should. This is what I want to be-a tattoo artist. I love creating the pictures, inking them into the skin in indelible designs. Marking people like I marked myself.

Damage Control. This is what it's all about, isn't it? Dealing with the past. Finding peace.

One day I hope to find it for myself, too.

Amber …

Yet, leaving my part time jobs is another matter. I pretend to agree to everything Zane says, to agree I can't juggle so many gigs and focus on my apprenticeship, too, and leave it at that.

He wouldn't understand, plus he'd be pissed, and it's frightening how much I want to stay. To learn more, have an income and a roof over my head, and almost believe I have friends, a family of sorts.

I'm a sucker for this illusion. It's what's kept me sane all these years, this dream that I'd have a home one day, and that I'd stay.                       
       
           



       

Which is why I'm saving money. I need to be ready for whatever life throws into my path next. For once, I want to stay on my feet. Is it too fucking much to ask?

It's in the middle of my shift at the café when Jason calls me. I forgot I even gave him my new number, and the bad feeling churning in my gut when I hear his voice cuts clear through my worries about Amber and the future.

"J? You okay?" he yells into the phone, and I wince, pulling it away from my ear. "Can you hear me?"

"I can hear you. Calm down." I put the cell back to my ear. "What's going on? Why the hell are you shouting?"

"Sorry. I'm in the waiting room in St. Mary's. It's packed full of people, like you wouldn't believe."

"St. Mary's? Why?" I glance at the tables and the few customers, then at Megan who's leaning back on the bar, observing. I turn my back and head for the door.

"We got another one down. A girl this time, Mia. It was him. Simon Gomez."

"You can't know that." Yet my stomach is knotting up.

"They saw him, man. But nobody will testify."

Dammit. "Why would he do this?"

"Think, J. Why did he beat you up back then?"

"Crazy bastard said I was on his turf."

"You know Kaia died right?"

The pimp controlling the neighborhood, the one that kept Simon back until now.

I stumble as I go down the steps to the street and barely catch myself before I fall. "What? When?"

"Ten days ago. The night Mikey was beaten. Then he caught Kyle, and now Mia. He's got drugs circulating, and he wants us away. As you said, a crazy bastard."

Fuck, fuck. "Mia should tell the police. She-"