"Gigi was right. These pancakes rock." I wipe the syrup off my plate with the last piece and lean back with a groan. I wolfed down five of them and could have kept going.
"Guy's gotta be able to fend for himself," Merc mutters with a small grin. "Chicks dig it when you know how to cook."
"Oh hey, is this practice for when you get a girlfriend someday?" Gigi asks with her mouth full of pancake, and man I love her even more for it.
And … pull back that thought and hold, Jarett. I mean, whoa. Where did that come from?
This is the kind of thoughts lovesick guys get, and I'm not lovesick.
No fucking way.
"I don't practice," Merc is saying, his voice distant in my ears as I quietly freak the hell out. "I was born perfect."
"I'd kick you, but you're too far away and I'm lazy," Gigi says. "Dickhead. Nobody's born perfect. I bet you practiced making pancakes in secret for years, burning your friends' houses down without ever letting us know."
"Yeah, you're right. That was my big fucking secret. I'm a pyro. All those fires, that was me. There ya go."
"So nice of you to finally fess up. Anyway … is there a girl who will enjoy these pancakes other than me? Spill. Is there a girlfriend?" Gigi licks her fingers, distracting me. "Tell me or I will hurt you, Mercury. This is important. We need more girls in this house."
"Over my dead body," Merc says. "I'm the minority in here. How about you bring a boyfriend to join us? Oh wait. You have, haven't you?"
Silence falls, and I become aware of their eyes on me.
Pushing back my chair with a screech, I get up. "Gotta go. Thanks for breakfast. It's getting late and I've got work."
"Dude, it's not even seven in the morning." Merc takes a huge gulp of coffee and rubs at his eyes. "You starting work so early? What do you work, construction?"
I push hair out of my eyes. "I need to clean up the apartment. Didn't get the chance since Seb trashed it."
"What? Your brother trashed your apartment?" Gigi is gaping at me. In her knee-high socks and long red sweater, her hair in a ponytail, she's a picture.
"It's his apartment, too." As if that explains anything. Damn. "Anyway, I'll be on my way."
Gigi hurries after me as I get the hell out of the kitchen and far from Merc's too-perceptive gaze. "Rett, wait."
I stop, turn to face her. Yeah, storming out without kissing her goodbye after sleeping with her would be a dick move, even for me.
But she doesn't give me the chance. "Are you okay?" she asks, and puts her arms around my waist, blue eyes wide.
I nod. "Don't worry about the apartment. I'll just clean up, that's all, and get ready for work. I can't miss any shifts."
"New job?" She hesitates. "I passed by the bar yesterday. Suzie says hi."
Anger chokes me. I swallow it down, cuz it's not Suzie's fault, not really. "She does, huh?"
"She says she's sorry."
I shrug. "It would've happened sooner or later. Glad I landed another job so soon after. I need the money for the rent, and Seb robbed me blind one too many times."
Her face pales. "Your brother is an ass."
Oh, the fuck. What's wrong with my brain this morning? "It's okay. He's family."
"Family is people who love you, Jarett. Sebastian doesn't give a damn."
"You don't understand. I promised her, I promised Mrs. Lowe-his mom-to look after him."
"He's a grown man. And because of him you're in trouble."
I pull away from her. "Never mind, Gigi."
Can't miss work, or I'll get the boot, can't miss a gang meeting or Mav and Angel will have my ass, can't lose Sebastian or fuck knows how mom will react …
If she makes sense of it. But …
"Listen to me." Her small hands twist in my sweater, stopping me. "You never had a family before, I get it, okay? You want to keep this one even as it's falling apart. But Rett … "
"No, you still don't get it. I had a family before. Not once but twice before this one. And I lost them." I put my hands over hers. My heart is thumping way too fast. "That's why I can't give this one up. See, not having something isn't painful. But having it and losing it … that fucking hurts."
Her eyes well up. "Rett … "
Jesus fucking Christ. I've said way too much already.
Leaning down, I press my mouth to hers. "Everything will be okay," I lie. One more fucking lie, why the hell not? "You'll see."
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Gigi
"So Jarett is here a lot, huh?" Merc asks me casually a few days later, pretending to be totally engrossed in something on his phone, sipping his steaming coffee at the kitchen table.
I shrug. "Maybe?"
He looks up, puts his mug down. "There's no maybe, sis. I'm not deaf, but I'm getting there after jacking the music volume to the max not to hear you two going at it every night."
"Oops." Heat seeps into my face. "Sorry?"
"It's fine, you little shit. You know it is. I just want you happy. And out of the house before I lose my hearing."
"I knew you getting all sappy on me wouldn't last." I hide my blush behind my own mug, my favorite, a red one with a teddy bear that Octavia gave me when I was little. "Speak your mind or forever hold your peace."
"Wow, that was random." He rakes his fingers through his short blond hair. "Are you guys an item now? That was my question."
"That's not what you said."
He cocks a brow at me. "So? Are you? No reason to be shy. You know I approve."
"You do?" My eyes bug out.
He frowns. "Why are you so shocked? He seems okay. And you like him a lot, so … "
"I do." I gather my knees to my chest and give him a curious look. "I like him a lot, but I thought … "
"You thought what?"
"That you wouldn't approve of him."
"Why the hell not?"
"Well, for starters, he doesn't talk all that much. And he bangs your sister." I crack a smile at Merc. "I thought, you know … that you might be unhappy about that."
"I'm not a caveman, like the one our sister married."
I grab a bread crumb and throw it at him. "Go away. You love the caveman our sister married."
"He's a great guy. But that doesn't mean I'll hit any guy you bring home over the head with my club."
"How disappointing."
He just stares at me until we both start to laugh.
"Jesus." He drops his phone on the table and wipes at his eyes. "Can you imagine me with a club, grunting at Jarett when he sits down at breakfast … "
" … and he could grunt back, and you'd communicate with grunts … "
" … and throw bits of bacon at each other."
"Wait, now that's gross."
We laugh some more.
"He's not my boyfriend," I finally admit, when our laughter has died away. "We're not really together."
"Define ‘together.' Because you sleep together every night, Gigi. You hold hands. You hug. You fuck."
"But we don't really talk. Not about the things that matter."
"Define the things that matter. Why don't everyday things matter?"
He's right. But … "We don't talk about the future. About the gang. If he'll ever leave it." I swallow hard. "I don't think he will. He made this promise to his sick mom to stay in the gang and look after his brother. And he won't discuss it."
Merc's expression darkens. "You're right, that matters. Quite a fucking lot."
Yeah.
So are we together when we can't dream of a future together? When his promise matters more than himself, more than us?
How does that work? Where does it leave us?
How will life go on when he smashes my heart to pieces?
"So where is he?" Sydney asks the moment I approach her table in the coffee shop. "You brought him along, didn't you? Say yes."
"He is right outside, talking to someone." I take a seat and grab her latte to steal a sip. "He'll be right in."
"Does he know I'm here?"
"Ah-huh."
"And he still came? Damn. Impressive."
I give her the side-eye. "Okay. Just how horrible were you to him last time you saw him?"
"I wasn't horrible to him. Maybe a little snarky." She sticks her tongue out at me. "Hey, I was stressed. Can't blame a girl."
Not sure about that. I'm a forgiving person, and I give myself entirely over to the people I care for, like her. But man, she's been making it hard, and patience isn't infinite.
"Oh, there he is." Sydney looks like she's in dire need of popcorn and soda as she watches Jarett walk into the coffee shop.
I twist in my seat to see what she's seeing, and yeah, there's Jarett, his tall frame and broad shoulders filling the door, his presence filling the whole coffee shop, erasing everyone else, the faces and chatter and noise.