Bad Wolf(43)

She laughs. "Okay. When I told you we were moving away …  You were so pissed at me. Told me to leave you alone. Why?"

"What?" I blink at her, confused. "I didn't … " Did I? I try to remember the details of those awful days. "I had …  Fuck, I'm sorry." I close my eyes. "Dad …  Mr. Lowe had just died. And then you said you were leaving, and I just …  I kinda lost it, I guess."

She lifts a hand to my face, strokes my jaw. Her eyes are sad. "I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't know about that. God, these past two years I thought you'd been so mad at me." She sighs. "Your turn."

"I dunno, Gigi." My thoughts are all tangled up with memories right now, and my heart's hammering so hard I feel sick.

"Then here's another one: why do you limp?"

No way. "Know what? This game is stupid. I think we should fuck again."

She laughs quietly. "Answer my question."

"Or what? You've never asked me this before."

"We've never done this before."

Lying in bed quietly together after sex. Talking. Holding on to each other like we'd sink otherwise and disappear.

"An old accident," I mutter, my heartbeat slowly quieting. "When I was little."

"I'm sorry. Must have been bad. Were you a-"

"My turn," I cut in, desperate to change the topic. "I thought of a question. What, uh …  What were you doing at the nursing home tonight?"

I hadn't stopped to think about it much, with everything happening too fast for my overloaded mind, but now I've asked the question, I really wanna know.

"Mom bakes cakes for her friends. Has been since ever. And your mom is her friend, so … " A small shrug. "When I realized who her friend Becky was, I asked to deliver the cake myself."

"What for?"

"I was hoping to find out more about you. To understand you."

I stare at her. "And what did you find?"

"I found you," she whispers.

I frown. "In the rain."

"No, in here." She taps my chest. "You're the Rett I knew. And I won't stop until I find all your missing pieces, because I want the whole of you."



"I found you."

"I want the whole of you."

Her words stay with me long after we get up in the morning and go our separate ways, as I check my phone and find a nonsensical message from an enraged Seb and a terse one from Angel about a gang meeting, asking where the hell I am.

Then I come to the apartment to find it trashed, my mattress shoved to the floor, my few belongings smashed.

Guess Seb was looking for money. Which I don't have. What a joke. Did he even stop to think I might not have anything left?

What a dick.

Disgusted, I start straightening things up, then sit down on the bare bed and close my eyes for a minute, gathering my damn wits. Last night was a dream, an illusion. It won't happen again.

This is your life, Jarett. It chose you. You chose it. So face it.

Fucking own it.

I get up and tidy up the best I can. No use whining and wishing things were different. I promised to Mom, I swore, and …

"Let me take care of you," Gigi says.

She smiles.

I'm losing my mind. Losing my perspective. The gang owns my ass now, and they're suspicious of me already. They don't need Spidey Sense to know my heart ain't in the business. It's no secret I'm there to look over Seb, and Angel doesn't like that.

I wonder how Mav feels about it. What he and Angel have discussed regarding me.

Maybe Seb is right. Maybe he's important in the gang, and doesn't need me.

Then I take another look around the apartment and grit my teeth. Yeah, right. A guy who can't keep a job, who's either high or in a low and fucking desperate to score his next dose. I bet Angel and Mav count on him so much.                       
       
           



       

Taking a shower, I throw on some clean clothes and head to work. The place is already bustling, and the boss shoots me a dirty look when I walk in even though I'm right on time.

"About time you turned up, boy," he mutters loud enough for me to hear. "What happened, up all night robbing stores again?

I freeze. "What did you say?"

"You think I don't know who you are? You think I don't know that the gang you're in robbed my cousin's store the other night?"

Fuck. Me. "So why the hell did you hire me?"

He snorts. "You think it's easy to find hired help these days? Fucking hell. Go help Mason in the kitchen and quit asking."

I tie on an apron and get to work, doing my best not to look over my shoulder as I help Mason fry onion rings and fries, feeling the boss's gaze like a laser dot, burning a hole between my shoulder blades.

All the tension that had bled out of me at Gigi's house is returning, tightening my shoulders, spiking a headache behind my eyes.

This is who you are now. A gangster. A criminal. Nobody who really knows you could like you.

Gigi's eyes flash in my mind, and I scowl down at the fries sizzling in the oil in front of me. No, dammit. Stop.

I try not to think of her when Angel calls later to tell me there's gang business going down tonight, when the night air hits me, and I feel eyes following me as I limp across the street, or when I pat my gun in the back of my pants.

Come on, Jarett …  Face the truth. Face who you are and what the future has in store for you.

One thing's for fucking sure: it's not sunlight and roses.

And it's not Gigi.





Chapter Twenty-Five





Gigi





Getting on the bus and going to classes this morning has a dreamlike quality. I keep getting lost inside my head, in the memories of Jarett and me from the night before. Talking to him, lying in his arms, sharing so much pleasure with him …  his kisses, his scent, his body pressed to mine, his low voice late into the night, answering questions I've been dying to ask.

Answering and yet keeping so much back.

And now he's gone back to his life. To the gang. I didn't ask him if anything changed for him. How can one night change anything?

But it has, for me. It peeled away my doubts, my uncertainty about him. Even if I don't know everything about him yet, I believe what I told him: you don't need to know much to know you like someone.

My heart knows him. I should have listened to it from the start.

But how to reconcile that with the fact he didn't promise anything will change? I know I should give him time, though God, patience was never my strong suit. I stare at my phone and will it to ding or ring with a message from him.

I want to hear his voice again. I'm so smitten it's ridiculous. Gone, head in the clouds, head over heels.

So when Sydney pops up in front of me on my way to one of the campus cafeterias, I almost jump out of my skin.

"Holy crap, woman." I tap my chest, telling my heart to slow down. "You scared me to death."

"Sorry. I was about to call you, see how you're doing." She has her copper curls done in a braid. She flicks it over her shoulder and winks at me. "And Jarett."

A blush creeps up my neck. "Uh, he's okay."

"You've been with him again, haven't you?" She grins at me like a mischievous imp, and links her arm with mine. "Tell Syd all about it. You know you want to."

I do. I've always told her everything, and I'm bursting to tell someone, anyone, about my feelings, my thoughts, my questions.

Sydney, though? Not so sure I trust her anymore, not like before.

I'll just have a coffee with her, I decide, and make small talk, then I'm off home.



"Holy shit, he made you come twice before he did? Not something you'd get with most guys, trust me. And aw boy, he said that to your mom? About nobody wanting to adopt him? That's so sad."

Yeah, my resolution not to tell Syd everything held all of five minutes. I had too much gathered in my chest not to let it out. I felt like I was going to explode.

And ended up spewing up every little detail to Sydney. Feels like old times.

"He sounds so nice," she says, eating the foam off her latte with her spoon. "Like any girl would wish her boyfriend to be."

"He's not my boyfriend," I whisper, stirring my coffee that has long gone cold.

"Aw." She puts her spoon down. "I'm sure he'll ask you. I have a gut feeling. That boy is so in love with you."

"I wish I could be so sure."

"You are. You love him, Gigi."                       
       
           



       

My face warms. "What gave me away?"

"You look so happy when you talk about him. Can't fake that."

No, I can't, can I? "I don't know what to do," I confess.

"Call him."

"No way. I can't. He's … " I push my mug away. "He's caught up in bad things."

"So you've told me. But you decided he's worth it."

"Worth what?"

She looks at me like I've caught the stupid. "You, girl. He's worth having you. That's big, you know. I've never heard you talk about someone like that. It's like every word comes from your heart."

I bow my head. "It does," I whisper. "But the gang … "