His brows draw together, and his lips turn to thin lines. “Nothing. It’s just sex. And now, we’re going to sleep.” He turns on his side, away from me.
“Nothing,” I repeat, mulling it over a bit. After a while, I ask, “Is that what you want?”
He glances at me over his shoulder. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” I give him a stupid face. “Is that all you’re gonna say?”
“You’re not easily satisfied, are you?” he says.
“No,” I say, shrugging and laughing it off.
“Well, that’s as much as you’re going to get from me for now.”
“For now …” I say. I like that word.
I like for now and maybe. They’re better than no and never.
“How many times are you going to repeat my words?” he muses.
I stare up at the ceiling. “As many times as needed to get the point across.”
Now, he turns to face the ceiling too. Totally not awkward or anything. “And what point is that?”
“The point that we’re in limbo and I don’t know what to think of it.”
“I like limbo,” he says, a smug smile on his face as he gazes at me.
“I don’t,” I say, folding my hands.
He sighs and closes his eyes. “Let’s just get some rest, okay?”
“I’m not tired.”
“Well, I am. It’s late, and we’ve done a lot of … physical exercise.”
I laugh at those words. He goes through so much trouble just to avoid the topic, it’s funny.
“I think I like you more than just for the sex,” I blurt out.
I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out of me because it’s been on the tip of my tongue for a while now.
Fuck.
Now, I feel embarrassed.
Why did I have to say that out loud?
And in such a stupid way?
When he doesn’t respond, I breathe a soft sigh of relief, glad he didn’t hear it.
Maybe he was already asleep.
“Good night, Hailey.”
Fuck.
So he did hear it.
He just doesn’t wanna reply.
My heart sinks to a new all-time low, and I suddenly feel cold to the bone. I turn away from him and tuck my head deep into the pillow, trying not to make a noise as I slam my face into it, wishing I’d never opened my mouth. I ruined a great evening. No, screw that, I ruined whatever good thing we had. I grab the covers and pull them up to my neck, hoping he’ll fall asleep soon so I can squirm out and get away before things get more awkward the next morning.
I didn’t take into account that he’d turn around, wrap his arms around my waist, and pull me closer to him. And I certainly didn’t expect him to nuzzle me, peck me on the back, and hug me tight. Like a real boyfriend would.
With only just a small detail missing.
He’s not my boyfriend … But we’ll get to that part later.
At least, that’s what I tell myself as I snuggle deeper into him and let his breathing lull me to sleep. It’s heaven, sleeping next to him.
Until he wakes up screaming his lungs out.
Chapter 21
Thomas
Her tears and defeated face are the only things on my mind as I hear her speak. She’s not happy. She’s not feeling good. Everything is wrong, including me … including her.
It’s just like before, only worse.
Shreds of memories fly past.
Her, screaming at me.
Her, crying in a corner.
Her, not getting out of bed until late at night.
Her tear-stained face and that endless smile that permanently marked her face when I saw her below my window.
So beautiful.
So much ruin.
My lungs break with noise that I can only describe as screeching. A desperate attempt to breathe while suffocating on misery.
That’s when I wake up.
Sweat rolls down my back and forehead, and I jump out of bed like a ghost is haunting me. I turn on the light and look around. It’s then that I notice the girl in my bed. Hailey.
She looks at me, blanket pulled up to her shoulders, her eyes scared.
“Oh, god …” I murmur. “Did I hurt you?”
She shakes her head. “You were yelling. What’s wrong?”
I swallow and push back the lump in my throat. “Nothing.” I turn around and walk into the living room, immediately checking that the oven is off. Then I close all the windows and check the bathroom to make sure none of the faucets are dripping.
As I turn around, I come face to face with Hailey.
“You’re acting strange.” She folds her arms. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I frown. “I’m fine; go back to bed.”
When I try to pass her, she places her hand on the wall next to me. “Not without you.”
“I’ll be there in a minute. Just go on ahead,” I say, but she’s not listening.