Bad Nanny (The Bad Nanny Trilogy #1)(60)

I feel sick all of a sudden.

I rip my seatbelt off and shove the door of the van open, practically tumbling out onto the pavement. I figure Zayden got to have his own personal freak-out at the restaurant, so it's my turn now. I move quickly away from the screaming and fighting and let myself in the back gate, kicking it closed behind me and then jogging my way over to the tire swing.

With a quick exhale, I flop onto the wet black rubber and grab hold of the chains, kicking off of the ground and then letting my head fall back, hair trailing behind me as the swing starts to sway.

Looking up, all I can see are the thick branches of the trees, heavy with green needles even in winter. I can hear the faint sound of the front door opening and closing and then … nothing. No kids, no club music, no lectures. Just quiet.

I breathe in and out slowly, letting the massive tire hold my weight as I lay back and let go of the chains. The swaying motion continues, the branch above me creaking and shedding droplets of dew.

I let myself get so zoned out that I don't hear Zayden's footsteps until he's right beside me, sitting down in the grass behind my head. I let myself drop a little further back, so I can stare at him upside down.

“You okay?” he asks me, holding the baby monitor in his lap. I can hear the faint murmur of a TV through it. Sadie must be in her crib in the living room.

“I'm alright,” I say as the swaying starts to slow. Zayden lifts up his foot and uses the white sole of his Converse to push against the rubber; I start to swing again. “I just … that fighting is enough to make anybody lose their shit. And then I thought about how this is my life now. I'm not here on vacation like you are; this is it. Ingrid's been gone for about a month now, and my mom tried, but she can't handle the girls and my dad's health problems all by herself.” I sigh and close my eyes. “When Ingrid does call, she doesn't even want to talk to her own daughters; she has no plans to come back anytime soon.”

I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I hate this house, but I like the yard at least. It's peaceful back here. But then, that's kind of the problem. This whole town is peaceful and laid-back and easygoing. I don't want that. I want exciting and new and fresh. Once I get my degree, I suppose I can move. But then I'll be taking the girls away from dad in his last few years …

I put the heels of my hands over my closed eyes and I want to scream. But then, I don't want Zayden to hear it. Any of it. It's not like this is his problem.

“Is any of this …” he sounds slightly tentative which is weird. I haven't seen the guy be anything in the realm of tentative since I met him last week. “About me perchance?”

I almost smile.

“Perchance? Do people still use that word?”

“Fuck yeah they do,” he says and I hear a rustle of sound as he gets up. I keep my eyes closed and then feel a warmth fluttering against my lips. “Do you have a crush on me, Brooke Overland?”

“Why would I?” I ask, but when Zay spoke, I could feel his words against my mouth. The sensation almost makes me want to tell him yes. “Do you have a crush on me?”

No response. But then he's pressing his lips to mine and sliding his tongue deep, tasting me as I lay on my back on the tire swing, eyes closed, the sharp breath of winter in my lungs. The air smells fresh and wild back here, a far cry from the cloistered confines of that houses. Maybe I could save up enough money and the girls and I could move? But I can't spend too much time thinking about that because Zayden is sliding his fingers through my hair, supporting my head in his hand and bringing my mouth tighter against his.

It's a different feeling to kiss upside down. I feel Zay's tongue teasing along the length of mine, gliding across the top in a way that's just not possible the other way around. It almost makes me laugh.

“Do you have a crush on me now?” he jokes when he pulls back. I open my eyes and stare at his sexy chin and the faint dusting of stubble there.

“I'm starting to feel better, if that's what you're asking.” Zay sits back as I turn around and lay across the swing on my stomach. “Your kiss definitely has the power to distract.” He gives me a crooked smile and stands up, reaching down to tug gently on my ponytail. Makes me wonder what'd be like if he had a firm grip on it while he fucked me from behind …

I almost gasp right there. I've—obviously—never had sex in that position and most of the girls I've met have said it's their favorite … I bet Zayden would let me try it out with him if I asked.

“Will you be naked and waiting when I get home tonight?” I ask as he starts to move away. That gives him pause though and he stops while I study his knee-high Converse with all the black straps and the metal studs. The guy's got style. Weird style maybe, but definitely a look. I feel like I'm a different person everyday of the week sometimes.