Bad Nanny (The Bad Nanny Trilogy #1)(35)

“Curse jar,” Kinzie screams over her brother's shouts as I move back and bump right into Brooke. If I said the collision of our bodies didn't make me hard as a rock, that'd be the biggest fucking lie I ever did tell.

“Off to class?” I ask and Brooke nods, a pair of black glasses on her face that I've not seen before. I push them up her nose as she bats my hand away. “You wear glasses?”

“Contacts normally, but my eyes are too tired today. That, and I have a quiz. I have to be able to focus completely on this.”

“Well, if it helps, you look all studious and shit. Very sexy.” I gesture at her wrinkled black button-up and slacks, at the long beige coat she's wearing. Brooke gives me a weird look and slides by, heading to her car as I watch. Hmm. My usual tactics don't seem to work very well on this chick.

I wave good-bye as she pulls down the driveway, wondering if she really just used me yesterday or if I might be able to convince her to give sex with me another go.

You're making a serious mistake here, bro, I tell myself, but I brush the thought off immediately. Nah. Nah. I know what I'm doing. Like I haven't been in this situation a million times before. I have more ex-girlfriends than I do fingers and toes. Not a biggie. Either Brooke wants to play the friends with benefits game with me, or she doesn't.

“Can we please gooo,” Kinzie whines from inside the van.

I roll my eyes and climb in, starting up some Hailee Steinfeld as we back down the driveway to start the arduous journey to preschool … and then kindergarten … and then elementary school. And then home to feed the baby and read books made out of cardboard.

Ah, what sweet hell is this?



“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Rob screams at me as I pull the cell away from my ear and feel myself frowning. “You are not a goddamn nanny, Zay. What the hell do you think you're doing with this girl?”

“Um, first of all, I'm doing her a favor here. Second, I didn't tell you all of this, so you could scream at me. You know, Kinzie's the worst one of them all. She kicks and spits and bites me. What the hell is up with that?”

“Listen, Zayden,” Rob starts as I flop down on Brooke's couch and accidentally sit on a chihuahua. The weirdest part of all is that it doesn't seem to mind. I lift my butt up and push it away from the center couch cushion. “Kinzie has hyperactive blah blah blah blah blah.” Of course, Rob doesn't really say all those blahs, but who the hell cares what he's actually talking about. Not this guy right here.

“Personally, I think she needs a spanking with a wooden spoon, kind of like the ones Mom used to give us as kids.”

“You lay one finger on my daughter, Zay, and I swear to God, I'll—”

“Look, before you finish that sentence,” I start as I lean forward and put my elbows on my knees. “You'd best consider that I left my house, my life, my job, and dragged my and my hairless cat's butts all the way up here for you. I'm not gonna spank the kid myself, but I sure as hell am giving her time-outs.”

“Time-outs don't work with Kinzie,” Rob states firmly. I can imagine his red beard wagging, bushy brows drawing together as he slams his fist into the palm of his hand for emphasis. “We've tried that, Zayden. Don't you think we know our own daughter?”

I don't answer that question. First off, because I'm pretty sure it's rhetorical and second, because I think the answer is no. Sometimes people get too close to a situation to see what's really going on. I figure that must be the case with Kinzie because that kid is insane.

“You do know you named your sons after a really gross box of candy, right?”

“Huh? Zay, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Ah, and now I know why the curse jar was already half filled when I got here. Nice one, bro.”

“Listen, Zayden. You need to tell that girl you don't know shit about children and get the hell out of there. Using somebody's kids, their desperation, to get laid is despicable. I thought even you were above a stunt like that.”

I feel my jaw clench tight. Rob doesn't get it, not at all. Never has.

“I'm not doing this to get laid—” although it makes for a nice aside to the whole situation “—so clearly you're missing the point. Did you hear me? This girl doesn't have anybody else.”

“This isn't your problem, Zayden. Take the kids home. We'll be back in a week and a half, and then you can go home to Las Vegas and wait another three years to visit with your family.”

“You know what? Fuck you, Rob. How's that sound?”

I hang up the phone before he can answer, rising to my feet and running my fingers through the hair on the left side of my head. My brother is a serious goddamn asshole. Wow. And he wonders why I never visit. Ain't a mystery to anyone but him.