I turn and head into the house, expecting him to follow.
When I hear the sound of the minivan starting, I feel the tears start to flow again.
Here I am, alone again. In my sister's house with my sister's kids.
Guess I better get used to it.
Brooke's tears devastate me.
Like, break me into pieces and turn me raw all the way down to the core. What are you doing, man? I ask myself as I head to the airport with four screaming kids and a cluster of barking chihuahuas. I should probably intervene and try to do something about Kinzie and the twins, but I'm all up in my own head and I can't think straight.
When I dropped Grace and Bella off, Brooke wouldn't even come out of her room. As much as my heart wants me to stick around and badger her to come out, I have to leave now or I won't make it to the airport. No, no, hell if I didn't leave when I did, I'd probably never go. I'd move up here and let my condo go into foreclosure and I'd stick around and be Brooke's nanny forever.
“Jesus cocksucking ball fucker,” I mumble, thinking the Daya song that's playing in the background will cover up my colorful expletives.
“Curse jar!” Kinzie screams, just full on belts out like a banshee. I reach up and turn the volume off on the stereo.
“Okay, that's it. I've had enough,” I growl the word out loud enough that Kinzie stops screeching, the twins stop arguing, and even the chihuahuas go quiet. “Your mom and dad are gonna be tired after their trip, got it? I don't want to hear any nonsense or any fighting or crying or yelling. If you want to say something, think of something nice.”
“You stole that from Bambi,” Kinzie accuses, and I toss her a caustic glare in the rearview. A few seconds later, “I don't really think you're going to the H-place.” I almost smile at that one. “And I don't hate you as much now.”
“Good. Because I don't hate you either. Might even love you a little bit, kid. You cool with that?”
She nods at me and I turn the song back on, trying to drown thoughts of Brooke out by interacting with the kids. Even Sadie calms down and stops crying when I start singing about looking pretty with the pop star on my iPod.
The Arcata-Eureka airport is this dinky ass building in the middle of nowhere with one gate and a tiny café that serves as a restaurant. It has like, one flight a day in a shaky old puddle jumper that goes to San Francisco and comes back. That's basically it.
When we get there, it's easy as fuck to find parking because, well, there are like a hundred spaces and pretty much nobody in them. Calling this place an airport would be like calling a garage sale a mall.
Anyway, I'm grateful for it as I roll the van windows down a crack for the dogs and make the older kids put their hands on the stroller.
“On your best behavior or the time wizard will come and get you.”
“What's a time wizard?” Kinzie asks scrunching up her face as we make our way to the front of the building.
“It's a monster made of toothpicks who eats kids that waste time. Now, put on some pretty smiles for your parents, okay? And try not to tell them about the torture chamber.”
There's a laugh as Mercedes comes around the corner and then squeals, throwing her arms out and getting pummeled with a herd of children. Rob does his gruff, disinterested lumberjack stance in the background, but I see tears pooling in his gaze and roll my eyes.
“I can't believe they're still alive,” he tries to joke, but it comes out all stuffy and garbled as he picks Sadie up from the stroller and hugs her to his chest like he's been gone for years instead of weeks. As I watch my brother pull his wife and kids in for a hug, I get this … weird feeling in my chest, this horrible pounding grind that takes my breath away.
I watch almost jealously as Mercedes and Rob snuggle their baby together.
Fuck, I want that. I want it so goddamn bad in that moment that it feels like I'm gonna puke.
My hands clench into fists, and I find it suddenly hard to breathe when I think of Brooke. No, no, no. She's twenty-two and she's going places and she has way too much shit in her life for me. Maybe this is just a sign that I'm ready to start a family? I should go home and start taking dating more seriously, look for a woman who's closer to my own age, have a baby or something.
“Jesus fuck,” I murmur as I run my hand over my face and try not to freak out.
“Aunt Brooke got me this,” Kinzie states proudly as she shows off a Monster High shirt that Brooke bought for her. She bought a matching one for Bella, too, to try and cut off their weird rivalry bullshit. It worked for about a day, but hey, better than nothing.
“Aunt … Brooke?” Mercedes asks, looking up at me with a raised eyebrow. “Zayden …”