“Anthony told me what was going on,” Vince says as we stand out on the porch.
“Yeah, I know.”
“How long?” he asks.
“Not long. It’s only been a few times.”
“A few times is a few times too many.” He lowers his voice and he leans into me as he says, “You lied to my face.”
“I didn’t.” I shake my head. “I never lied to you.” I would’ve told him if he’d asked. “Things got carried away.” He steps back with a real pissed-off expression, and I put my hands up in surrender.
“I fucked up. I know that, Vince. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“A cop though, Tommy, what the fuck? I told you to stay away.” The anger he's feeling at me comes out in his voice.
“I know. I--” He cuts me off before I can finish.
“You can fuck any broad you want, Tommy. You got ‘em hanging all over your dick at the club. Why would you settle for a fucking cop? One I told you I wanted you to stay the fuck away from.”
I look away, not liking how he’s talking to me. I also don’t like the way he’s talking about Tonya. Like her being a cop is such a bad thing. She’s good at keeping her mouth shut. She trusts me. It could’ve worked. Even though we’re done with, I find myself defending her. “We have judges in our back pocket. Why not a cop?”
“She could never be with you if we had her on our payroll. It doesn’t work like that. Red fucking flags everywhere, Tommy. The whole point is for us to stay far away from those people. So there’s no goddamn connection.”
“I’m sorry, Vince. She didn’t get anything from me,” I tell him.
“She could’ve though. You let a cop get close to you. That looks real fucking bad.”
“It doesn’t matter, Vince. It’s over.”
“You're damn right it’s over. I have no fucking clue what to do with you.” He runs his hands through his hair and starts pacing. “If you were anyone else, you’d be dead. You know that?”
His bold statement makes the air leave my lungs. I do know. I knew it was stupid, and it was risky. But he’s gotta know I’d never say shit.
“And thank fuck it was your brother who saw. If it was someone else...If anyone else knew?” He shakes his head but his eyes aren’t angry anymore. Now he just looks sad as fuck. “Don’t you fucking put me in that position.”
“I won’t. It’s over.” I say the words with a defeated tone. Any thought of going back to her is gone. If they’d kill me, I know they’d get rid of her, too. I can’t risk that.
“It’s over, over. It’s completely done with?” he asks.
“Yeah, it never should’ve happened.” My heart twists in my chest as I say the words. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pats my back.
“Thank fuck, Tommy.” He walks us back inside and we stand in the foyer. Aunt Linda is setting dishes down on the table and Elle’s strapping Angelo into his highchair.[high chair?]
Vince lowers his voice and reminds me, “No one can know about this. You know that, right?”
“Of course I know.” I nod my head as I watch the scene in front of me unfold as though I’m not even there.
I watch in a daze as Elle sings in an upbeat voice to Angelo. “Sitting in my high chair, my chair, high chair. Sitting in my high chair, banging my spoon!” She bangs on the tray in rhythm to the words, and the little one squeals with joy.
Vince is saying something, but all I can hear is Elle. The happiness in her voice, the love in her words. I want Tonya to have that. She deserves that. I could give it to her. I should go to her and beg for her to take me back. I’d give her the world. I’d change for her. I swear I would.
She asked me for one thing, and I never even gave it to her. All this time I could’ve told her. I should’ve told her that Petrov’s dead. But I didn’t.
“Jesus, Tommy! Are you even listening to me?” Vince’s voice snaps me out of it and I turn to look at him. I feel all choked up like a little bitch.
“You gotta get your shit together,” he says.
“Yeah, I know, boss.”
“I’m talking to you as family, Tommy. What the fuck is wrong with you? You should be happy. The charges were dropped. You’re a free man, but you look like death.”
I shake my head, not knowing how to tell him. I look back at my cousin and know that I can’t. You don’t leave the familia. Well, there’s one way to leave.
I turn my head back to Elle as Vince leaves me with a pissed-off sigh.
“Bring on the carrots, bring on the peas,” she lowers her voice, “Somebody feed this baby, please.”