I thought I knew what Tommy would be like before I ever met him. I read his profile and looked at the evidence. I had him painted in my head as an arrogant prick who thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. And then I met one of the women. The only one who was coherent. She said she saw Tommy. She heard gunshots and shouting, but she couldn’t move. She wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or the fear. She was in and out of it for a while, but one of them, one of the Valettis shot her up with something. She tried to make him stop, like the other times. But they said it was to make her better. To help save her. And it did. And Tommy was the one calming her down and telling her it would be okay.
My heart clenches in my chest. The line between black and white is so goddamned blurry. And at this point, I'm having a hard time knowing what's right and what's wrong.
Tommy
I look out of the peephole and my heart sinks. I knew this was going to happen. I’m surprised she waited. I prepared for her anger that night when I sent the text. It’s not fucking right the way I ended it. I rest my head on the door and she knocks again. Right in that very spot. Like she fucking knew I was there.
It hurts, and I wince like a little bitch. Shit! I need to get this over with. I open the door and part my lips to tell her I’m sorry, but she walks right past me, brushing against my body and continuing to the bedroom like I wasn’t even standing in the doorway.
What the fuck?
“Tonya!” I call after her, but she doesn’t stop. I shut the door and follow her to my bedroom, not knowing what to expect.
I walk in and find her sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me. She’s gripping the edge of the comforter and looking at the ground.
“Charges are dropped,” she says to the floor.
I take in her appearance. She’s nothing like the woman I was with this past weekend. Not the sweet spitfire in a sundress. She’s hurting bad. I walk over and sit next to her on the bed, but I keep my hands to myself. We can’t keep this shit up.
“I know.” I’m not going to tell her I found out from the judge. She doesn’t ask though. She’s quiet for a while. I let her sit and think. I won’t push her to tell me why she’s here.
“I need you right now, Tommy,” she finally says. Tears leak from the corners of her eyes and it breaks my heart in two. I lose my resolve and wrap her small body in my arms. I pull her into my lap and hold her while she cries.
“What’s wrong, baby?” She cries harder at my words, and I can’t stand it. I just want her to stop. She’s a strong woman. I didn’t think I'd hurt her like this. “I’m sorry.” I kiss her neck. I wish there were another way. I wish we hadn’t met like this. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
She nods her head into my chest, but she doesn’t let up on the tears. I stroke her back and rock her. Kissing her hair, her shoulder. I keep soothing her the best I can.
“You don’t deserve this, baby. You deserve better.”
She shakes her head and heaves in a shaky breath. “Don’t act like I’m good enough for you. I’m not. I’m a thug, and you’re a cop,” I point out.
She doesn’t respond. The only reaction I get is that her cries slowly stop. It takes a few more minutes before she lifts her head and wipes away the tears.
Her cheeks are tear-stained and red, her eyes are glassy. She sniffles and I reach to the nightstand for a tissue for her.
“You’re gonna be alright, babe, you’re going places.” My heart clenches in my chest. I don’t wanna do this. I have to admit, when she didn’t come that night it hurt, even though I told her to stay away. A part of me hoped she wouldn't listen, and she'd come to me. Even if it was just to yell at me for putting her through that shit. But I realized it was for the best. I’m only gonna hold her back. I’ll ruin her career. And just being with me puts both of us in danger with the familia. It’s impossible.
She was right to question us being together. It never should’ve happened.
“I just need to feel something right now.” She turns her head to look at me. Her eyes are pleading with me. And I sure as hell am not going to refuse her. I want her. Even if it’s only once more.
“I’m here.” I pull her into my chest and lie on my side to cradle her. I leave an opened-mouth kiss on her neck. She takes my face in both of her hands and crushes her lips against mine.
I can feel all of her emotion pouring into her kiss. She needs me right now. I can’t deny her anything. In this moment, I’m only hers. She takes my bottom lip between hers and kisses me sweetly. I moan into her mouth as she parts her lips and grants me entry. My hand brushes against her hip and then slowly lifts her shirt. I let my fingers skim her skin. I smile against her lips as she pulls away and shivers from my touch.