After a minute she rolls her body on the car so that her back is leaning against it and she’s facing me. She gives me a small, satisfied smile and it fills my chest with pride. I knew she’d like that. I give her a kiss just below the tender spot behind her ear. She hums with approval. My lips tickle her neck as I ask her, “Did you like that, bad girl?”
“You fucked the ponytail out of my hair,” she says weakly, with a bit of humor. Her eyes light with happiness, and the smile grows on her gorgeous face.
I shrug and wrap an arm around her waist as she bends down with trembling legs to pick up the hair tie on the ground. She looks around us as she stands up. “Did anyone see?” she asks with a quiet voice.
“Not this time.” I grin at her.
She gives me a small smile, but I can see she doesn’t like that answer. She runs her fingers through her hair and breathes deeply. “Just sex.” She says it like it’s a reminder. To herself and to me.
She takes a few steps to her door, looking as though nothing even happened. She’s pulled herself together, the only signs that she just took my cock up her ass are the flush in her cheeks, and her slightly swollen bottom lip.
I clear my throat and answer her, “Yeah, just sex.” That’s all this is. I’m fine with that. And she sure as shit enjoys it just as much as me.
She nods and steps out of my embrace to open her door.
“I have to get going.” Her words are weak, almost filled with regret.
“Yeah, me too.” No I don’t. I don’t have shit to do but fuck her. Even though she’s the one that’s supposed to be watching me, so I could probably run errands. It’d be stupid to risk it though.
She parts her lips and looks up at me through her lashes as she settles into the driver side door. She winces slightly instead of saying whatever was on her mind. I don’t know what she was going to say, but she decides on nothing. It makes an uneasiness settle in my chest. She’s unsure of something.
“You good?” I try to keep it lighthearted, but she just nods and doesn't look me in the eyes.
“I’ll see you later,” I tell her. I lean in and plant a small kiss on her cheek.
“Okay,” she says, looking up at me with a slightly confused look. I don’t understand where it’s coming from.
“You alright?” I ask her.
“Yeah, I’m good,” she says as she puts the key into the ignition. But she’s not good. I don’t like it.
I want to ask her why she’s being so distant, but I hold back. No questions is better. For both of us. I wanna fuck her, she wants to fuck me, we have to leave it at that. I grip her doorframe and gently close it as she lowers the window.
“I’ll see you later then,” she says, and I give her a tight smile.
As she drives away, I can’t help but feel like I’m not going to see her again. She’s going to realize what a mistake this is.
I want to prove to her it’s not, but it is. Maybe I should just stay away. I run my hand through my hair and sigh. I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s gonna be like this every time we leave each other. And I don’t like this raw hollowness in my chest.
I watch her car drive away before I start walking back through the opening to the sidewalk.
I hate how she left. But that’s what this is. It’s all it can be.
It didn’t occur to me that I don’t just want sex until right this moment. And that’s not good. That’s not fucking good at all.
Fuck, this was a mistake. A big, fucking mistake.
Tonya
I stare at the folders on my desk, and then back up at the computer screen. I have a ton of shit to update. I need to put all this information in the system, but I keep fucking up. I have to do this right, but my head’s not in it. I just can’t think straight. I’m exhausted from the last two days on the job. I’m miserable.
It’s not that the work is any harder, it’s just not what I want to do.
I’m on cases that mean nothing to me. I’m getting spit on and kicked while I arrest assholes I don’t give a shit about. I feel beat up and abused. I know this is the right thing to do and people do appreciate it, even if I never hear it. But damn, this is hard. And it’s wearing me down.
I heard back from our contacts in France and Russia, still no sign of Petrov. He has to be dead.
I feel defeated more than anything. Like the finish line vanished before I could make it there.
“How’s it coming along?” Chris’ voice makes me jump in my seat. He laughs at me and pats my back. “You need more coffee.”
I smile weakly up at him. Chris has been a cop all his life. He’s gotta be in his fifties now, but he’s still smiling, and still kicking ass. I don’t know how he does it.