Kyle jerked his arm out of Elroy's hand and said, "At first I thought there might be hope for you. I thought maybe I could change you. But just when I think I've made progress, you wind up doing something like you did in the restroom in South Carolina. I'm human, too. And I have emotional needs. How do you think I felt seeing that?"
"I said I was sorry," Elroy said. "What more can I do? Do you want me to go to church?"
"Grow up," Kyle said. "Stop acting like a spoiled child and take responsibility for something just once in your life. In case you haven't noticed, this isn't easy on me either. I have very strong feelings for you. That's why we've never had sex. I'm terrified that if we do you'll either wind up cheating on me, or you'll never want to have sex again with me." He stared down at his lap and spoke in a lower voice. "How's that for honesty, asshole?"
Elroy felt a sting in his gut. Though he knew Kyle was right about him, he wasn't sure he could change, and at the same time he wanted to change. He reached up and caressed Kyle's face and said, "I'm sorry. I'll try harder. But you have to lighten up a little, too. I realize what happened to you with Jeremy when you were a teenager left scars. I get that. But we all go through bad things and we eventually get over them." He leaned forward and grabbed Kyle's hands. "In case you haven't noticed, you're the only one on Earth I would be this patient with. If you were any other guy I would have moved on months ago."
Kyle looked into his eyes. "I've been curious about that. Why don't you just move on? You don't seem to have any morals, ethics, or scruples with anyone. Why don't you just forget all about me and do whatever you want to do? I sometimes think you'd be a lot happier."
Elroy rested back against the seat and laughed. He rubbed his eyes and said, "You're the only one, Kyle. I know better than anyone I'm far from perfect. All those things you say about me are true. I went into that restroom in South Carolina with good intentions. I didn't plan on doing what I did. It just happened and I couldn't resist. But with you I'm a different person. I'm not like that immoral, unethical asshole you just described. I know I'm different with you, and I like the way it feels."
"You weren't a different person with me in that rest room in Virginia," Kyle said. "It didn't seem to matter that I was standing right there when you practically let a stranger jack you off."
Elroy exhaled and said, "Okay, you're right. But I want to be a different person. I don't want to be the insensitive asshole I was in that rest room."
"Maybe I should start stalking you in public restrooms. Maybe I should be the sleazy type you seem to love so much," Kyle said.
This time Elroy leaned over the console and kissed him on the cheek. "You couldn't be sleazy if you tried. You're far too dignified for that, which is one of the things I love most about you. And no amount of money can buy that kind of style."
"It sounds like I can't seem to win," Kyle said. "You don't want me to be sleazy, yet you still want to fuck my brains out."
Elroy put his arm around him. "I want to know one thing right now. Is there hope for us?"
Without hesitation, Kyle turned and said, "I'm honestly not sure. I do love you, but I'm not sure I like you. I need more time."
Elroy kissed him on the cheek again and said, "I can live with that. I promise I'll change."
** * * * When the new semester began, Elroy started to get text messages from Jeremy. This time he didn't use the name Ricky. In the beginning Elroy ignored the messages. He didn't want to deal with Jeremy; he was trying too hard to change for Kyle. Then the messages started coming one after the other, and he finally had to reply.
He told Jeremy not to contact him. He sent return texts stating he wasn't interested in seeing Jeremy unless it was at an event that had something to do with Kyle's family. Jeremy ignored him and continued to insist they meet somewhere so they could talk. He told Elroy he missed him and needed to hold him just one more time. He even sent nude photos, hoping to entice Elroy with images of his dick.
By the end of February it reached a point where Elroy figured that if he saw Jeremy one last time and made it clear they would never have sex again, Jeremy would stop bothering him. Kyle had no idea what had been going on between Jeremy and Elroy, and Elroy wanted to keep it that way. Elroy even made sure he deleted all his text messages from Jeremy in case Kyle glanced at his phone by accident. Although Elroy and Kyle hadn't made love yet, Elroy had a feeling things were getting better between them. They hadn't argued once since they'd returned from Florida, and Elroy had been on his best behavior. It was the first time in his life he had gone more than a few days without having sex. He didn't even see Cheever and Cleaver Weaver anymore.
So Elroy told Jeremy to come to their room on a cold night Friday in February. Elroy knew Kyle would be out for the entire night. His recorder group was having a recital at someone's home in Cambridge and he told Elroy he wouldn't be home until well after one o'clock in the morning. This wasn't unusual. Kyle had begun to spend several nights a week with the people in his recorder group rehearsing for the recital.
When Jeremy knocked on the door, Elroy pulled him into the room and said, "I'm glad you came. This has to stop."
Jeremy was wearing his tightest jeans that night, the low-rise dark jeans that made a bulge in his crotch. Even though it was freezing outside, he didn't have a shirt on under his black leather jacket. The moment Elroy started talking, Jeremy put his arms around him and said, "I need you so fucking bad."
When Elroy pushed him away, he felt the muscles in his chest. He gulped and said, "It's not going to happen, Jeremy. You need to get that into your head once and for all."
Jeremy pulled down his zipper and reached inside his pants. "Then why did you tell me to come here?"
Elroy had to look up at the ceiling to avoid staring at his dick. It was hanging out of his tight jeans in a way that made Elroy wonder how he'd packed the big thing into those tight jeans in the first place. "I wanted you to see, in person, that it's over. If Kyle found out it would kill him."
Jeremy grabbed his dick and leaned back a little. "Kyle doesn't have to find out. Just one more time and I'll never bother you again. I swear on my life. I swear on my kids." He took a step toward Elroy. He had a full erection by then. "Just once more, please."
He was close enough for Elroy to inhale his masculine scent. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When Jeremy took another step toward him he reached down and wrapped his fingers around Jeremy's dick and said, "If we do this one more time you'll leave me alone for good. You'll stop texting and calling. I'm serious."
Jeremy reached around and slid his hand down the back of Elroy's sweatpants. He squeezed and said, "I promise I'll never bother you again after this one last time."
They wound up in Elroy's bed, both of them naked this time. He suspected that Jeremy hadn't been with anyone else either. Jeremy held Elroy with more force this time; he pinned him to the bed so hard Elroy couldn't move at all. When Jeremy lifted Elroy's legs and put on a condom, he entered him so fast Elroy started to scream and Jeremy had to shove his fingers into his mouth to quiet him.
Elroy wasn't worried about time. He knew Kyle wouldn't be home until one in the morning and he didn't rush Jeremy to the finish. He figured this one last time wouldn't hurt anyone and Kyle would never find out.
That w's why he didn't ask Jeremy to get dressed and leave right away. After Jeremy pulled out, Elroy went into the bathroom and he left Jeremy alone in his bed. Elroy glanced at the clock and saw it was only eleven and he still had two hours before Kyle would return. He knew that would be plenty of time to get all traces of Jeremy out of the room and no one would ever find out about his one last time with Jeremy. But when he looked into the bathroom mirror and realized what he'd just done, a rush of guilt passed through him in a way he'd never experienced before. All at once he thought about what Kyle would do if he knew about Jeremy and he felt like throwing up in the sink.
He knew he had to get Jeremy out of his bed and out of that room, so he wrapped a bath towel around his waist and started for the door. But at the same time he opened the bathroom door, he heard the door of their room open and the sound of people laughing. His heart began to race an; panic set in. Even though he wanted to run, he couldn't move his feet.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, he found a small group of people standing around Kyle. His heart pounded in his ears. They were all holding the same plastic recorders, an; they all had stunned expressions. One young woman had her palm pressed to her open mouth. One chubby guy had been so surprised he'd dropped his recorder next to his feet. Kyle's gaze remained fixed on Elroy's bed the entire time. He stood there motionless, gaping into his stepbrother's eyes. Although Jeremy had pulled up the covers fast enough to conceal most of his body, it was obvious he was naked.
Elroy secured the towel around his waist and said, "Why are you home so early?"
Kyle didn't look at him. He continued to stare at Jeremy. "The furnace in the house where we were supposed to have the recital broke down and I thought it would be nice to come back here and play a few songs for you. Obviously, you had more important things to do."