Although Kyle refused to be Elroy's Facebook friend because he didn't like the provocative photos Elroy posted all the time (sometimes Elroy made Kyle take photos of him in his underwear for Facebook), Elroy found a way around this by inventing fake online identities. He created trumped-up profiles for both Twitter and Facebook and he sent Kyle friend requests so he could see what was going on with Kyle's online identity all the time.
It always worked out the same way. He would send a request with a fake identity and Kyle would respond with this message: "Do I know you?" Elroy would respond with the fake name and say, "Not personally, but I go to Harvard. I'm a really nice guy." In this regard, Kyle seemed to be more trusting than Elroy would have been. He would not only accept the friend request, he would thank the fake identity in writing, on the fake's timeline. It was all very entertaining and amusing for a while. But then something happened that caused Kyle to rethink his decision to accept friend requests from guys he didn't know.
It happened on a cold Friday night in November. Most of the leaves had fallen by then and Kyle had a big math exam on Monday. Elroy told him he was meeting Ricky at a hotel that night and didn't know what time he would be home. Kyle responded the way he usually did: "Have fun with the married man."
But instead of meeting Ricky, Elroy went to a cafein Boston and found a private table in a corner against a brick wall. He knew Kyle studied with his laptop at his side all the time, and he knew he constantly checked his social media accounts for activity. By this time Elroy had sent Kyle three friend requests with fake accounts. They were all handsome young men with photos Elroy had pilfered from stock photos on the Internet. They all went to Harvard and they all pretended to be as sweet and innocent as Kyle. Elroy wanted to see how Kyle would respond to a provocative comment on Facebook, so he ordered a latte and logged into one of his fake Facebook accounts.
When he was logged in to the fake account, he went directly to Kyle's timeline and found one of Kyle's typical status updates. He usually posted a deep heartfelt quote or a cheesy photo with an emotional saying a few times each day. On that particular night, Kyle had posted a photo of a deep green field with an elegant tree in the background. The saying read, "Always follow your dreams."
After Elroy gagged at the trite saying, he left a comment on Kyle's status update that said, "I've been dreaming a lot about you, handsome. We should get to know each other better." Then he sat back and laughed so hard the other people in the bodega sent him stares.
He waited over a half hour and saw no response from Kyle. He knew this was unusual; he knew Kyle was logged into Facebook because he'd seen him click "like" to someone else's status update. Kyle was one of those who always replied to comments on his updates. Elroy had posted comments on other status updates with his fake names and Kyle either commented immediately or clicked "like."
So Elroy logged out of that fake account and logged into another fake account and left the next comment beneath the first one he'd left: "Hey, baby. Forget about this guy. Let's hook up tonight, dude. PM me. You send me pics and I'll send mine." Then he sat back and waited fifteen minutes to see if Kyle would respond to either of the comments from the fake identities.
Fifteen minutes later, nothing happened. So he logged out of that fake account and logged back into the first fake account. He figured sockpuppeting with both fake names might get a response out of Kyle. This time he left a comment on the same thread that said, "Back off, dude. He's interested in me, not you." He laughed harder and logged out of that account, and then returned to the second fake account and left this comment in reply, "Get a life, asswipe. He's not interested in you, he's interested in me. Send me pics, dude. I'm waiting."
This time Elroy sat back and laughed so hard the manager of the bodega sneered at him. When Elroy pictured the stunned expression on Kyle's face as he watched these two fake guys argue over him, it brought tears to his eyes.
But he stopped laughing three minutes later when Kyle left this comment on the same thread: "Knock it off with the sockpuppets, Elroy, you big idiot. I'm trying to study."
Elroy pressed his palm to his stomach and blinked at the screen. Then he smiled and wrote, "Do you still love me?" There was no point in denying the fake names anymore. He wondered how long Kyle had known about them. He'd underestimated him.
A minute later, Kyle typed, "Unfortunately, yes. You're very amusing in a droll way. Now leave me alone so I can study."
Chapter Sixteen
By the first week in December, Elroy had reached his limit with Lev Godwin. People in general usually didn't annoy Elroy; he never paid much attention to most people anyway. But every once in a while someone would come along whom he just couldn't stand. He couldn't give exact reasons for feeling this way. It wasn't always completely focused on the way they wore their hair, or dressed, or spoke. This feeling of intense dislike depended more on a generalized, though often invisible aspect, not anything specific. And when it happened, Elroy found it difficult to control his vindictive urges.
Lev Godwin reminded Elroy of a garden gnome. He stood about five feet two inches tall, he had reddish brown curly hair, and pasty white skin stippled with freckles. His body resembled a cinderblock: thick and sturdy and rectangular. Even his ass appeared flat and square. He wore dad jeans a size too small, which created a male camel toe between his legs because he pulled them up to high above his waistline. His shirts were either tight mock turtlenecks that exposed his jiggling man breasts or plaid flannel affairs with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. When he walked his chubby legs splayed out in exaggerated opposite directions. It wasn't exactly a walk. It was more like a bounce. Whenever Elroy saw him coming he wanted to stick his foot out and trip him.
And Elroy did see Lev coming and going a great deal that semester. He started coming to their room after dinner to study with Kyle, and this made Elroy clench his teeth so hard he had to leave them alone. They asked Elroy if he wanted to study with them, but Elroy always smiled, bit the inside of his mouth, and declined. He would rather flunk math than study with the likes of Lev Godwin. He couldn't even stand the way Lev smelled; it reminded him of medicine he'd taken as a child.
He always showed up for these study sessions with a bottle of cheap wine for Kyle. He would knock on the door and wait for someone to answer. When the door would open, he would stand there with a fish-eating grin and say, "How about another big ole bottle for wine for ya?" His deep Southern accent twisted Elroy's stomach in knots. If Elroy answered the door, he would fake a smile, turn to face Kyle, and say, "Your boyfriend is here. I'm going out." That was when Lev's face would turn bright red and he would look down at his shoes. Then Kyle would send Elroy a glare because he'd embarrassed poor shy Lev.
But Elroy knew all about the poor shy Lev Godwins of the world. He knew they put on a good passive-aggressive act to get what they wanted. In this case, Lev wanted Kyle and he was going after him in the most passive-aggressive way Elroy had ever seen one man go after another. Though Kyle seemed oblivious to it all, he tended to enjoy the attention Lev gave him. And even though Kyle said he was only dating Lev casually and they'd never had sex, most people on campus considered Len and Kyle a couple.
This left Elroy with one alternative. He knew he had to do something about sneaky Lev Godwin and it called for drastic measures. The thing Kyle seemed to be most attracted to in Lev was Lev's lack of interest in sex. For some reason Elroy could not understand, Kyle had no interest in sex at all and he seemed to feel safe with Lev around.
Elroy and Kyle even argued about this one night before Lev arrived at the door with his cheap bottle of wine. Elroy punched the wall and said, "Is that asshole coming over here again?"
Kyle had been organizing his books at a small desk next to his bed. "Yes, he'll be here any minute. I'm helping him study for a marketing class he's taking. He really depends on me."
Elroy punched the wall again and said, "He's trying to get into your pants."
Kyle laughed and waved his hand. "You're insane. Lev has no interest in sex. He's interested in me for my mind and that's it. You just have a dirty mind and you think everyone else does."
This time Elroy felt like putting his fist through the wall. But he took a deep breath, exhaled, and said, "I know his type. He's trying to get into your pants. He's a little perv and he's going to wind up trying to bone you."
Kyle opened a book and said, "You're the perv, not Lev. He's just a sweet little guy who needs my help. And he's devoted to me."
Now Elroy wanted to bang his head against the wall and scream. "I'm telling you this little perv is up to no good. I caught him sniffing your clothes the last time he was here." This was true. Kyle had gone to the bathroom and Elroy had walked in while Lev Godwin had been sniffing his sweatpants. When Lev saw him, he dropped the pants and pretended he hadn't been doing anything.
"You're making that up," Kyle said. He rose from his chair and crossed to the bathroom to check his hair. "Lev would never do such a thing."
Elroy rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you that little perv will be licking your toes if you're not careful. I've seen his kind before. I once tricked with a guy from Providence who spent half the night licking my feet." He glanced into the bathroom and watched Kyle fuss around with his hair. He'd recently had it cut shorter, with a cute little turned-up wave above his forehead. With the contact lenses, the new clothes Elroy had bought for him, and the new trendy haircut Kyle hardly even resembled the same guy Elroy had met in early September.