“Wonderful.” The presenter nodded vehemently, obviously intrigued by our tragic love story of impotence and flaccid penises.
“Indeed.” I nodded wisely, a wicked idea suddenly occurring to me as I got into the swing of things. “And what’s more, I’m not the only one suffering from this lack of sexual arousal issue, and once we discovered the magical effects of Viagra on my wife here, we knew we’d struck gold.”
Rory’s mouth opened and closed as she stared at me, but I was on a roll now. I strolled to the whiteboard a few feet over from us, grabbing a marker from a table nearby.
“You see,” I started speaking and scrawling notes on the board. “There’s no need for all this research into a newly-formulated pill for women; the so-called female Viagra that our presenter here mentioned just moments ago. Our version of Viagra can and should be used by anyone. Now, here’s why. Our most recent studies show that the latest formulation of the drug actually increases the flow of blood to the female genitals as well as the male, causing arousal in both sexes. So it’s really not just for men.”
I turned my head over my shoulder and winked dramatically at the audience, who chuckled politely. “Of course, my wife could tell you more about this herself, but she’s a little shy. So here’s a scientific drawing of the effects.”
The room fell into a stunned silence as I drew a stick figure couple on the board. Obviously, they’d all been expecting me to start drawing up some chemical formulas and equations instead, but nope…stick figures were all I knew how to draw.#p#分页标题#e#
First, the stick couple were having dinner, then the man was watching TV while the wife popped a pill, and I followed with an intricate sketch of them having sex in the weirdest position I could remember.
“Um…remarkable,” the presenter mumbled, glancing at the audience. They all seemed just as confused as he was, and a few people were even shaking their heads and whispering to each other.
The jig was almost up.
Rory’s face was bright red, but her mouth was quirked into a wide smile, so I knew she was having fun.
She nodded sagely. “It is remarkable. I’d also like to quickly show you the usual effects on men as well. A prime example is my husband here...let’s see...”
She looked at my crotch with narrowed eyes for a second before drawing a sketch of a penis on the board. “No, not quite,” she mumbled, erasing it and making it smaller.
“Nope, not there either.” She made the penis smaller again, around an inch tall, and then she nodded to herself and drew an arrow to the right side of the board. “Ah yes, there we go, perfectly life-sized.”
“We can’t see!” someone shouted from the back row.
“My point exactly.” Rory nodded vigorously, drawing a bigger version of the penis with three exclamation points on the other side of the arrow.
“This is what the new formulation of Viagra gives us, ladies and gentlemen. Twice as hard for twice as long, and it only takes five minutes to take effect once swallowed. Seriously, give it a try, because for what a man lacks in size, he surely makes up for with his hardness once he’s popped one of these bad boys.”
The audience chuckled. Rory followed suit, and even though I was dying on the inside, I managed to hold back my laughter and keep a straight face.
“Obviously, the new formulation of Viagra has changed the lives and careers of these two people,” the presenter said, seemingly impressed with our utterly horrendous speech. “And it can change the lives of your customers, too.”
Elated applause followed with a few whoops, and Rory and I smiled politely at the audience.
“I am truly grateful for this amazing drug, and I’m willing to go the extra mile to show you all how much,” I said in the most humble voice I could muster up. “I’m really not opposed to demonstrating the effects right here.”
“What?” Rory gasped, and I flashed her a triumphant look.
“Please observe the blush on my lovely wife’s face. Pure sexual arousal. She took some of the new formulation only five minutes prior to this meeting, and we discussed doing a live demonstration, which I truly believe would take this presentation to a new level.”
“Finn!” Rory shouted, having finally reached her limit. “No!”
I grinned at her, not even caring that she’d blown our cover.
“Is your name not Minho Chang?” the presenter asked, checking something off on his notes. “Wait, our Viagra presenters haven’t even arrived, according to this...who the hell are you?”