"I am afraid." I said it out loud, as if it would have some effect.
At that moment, I decided that fear wouldn't rule me any longer. If I was afraid, well, fuck, then I was just afraid. I would live. I would move on. What I would not do was betray the ones I loved. Love. I loved Lincoln, loved him even more than I loved myself. I knew it now. Now that it was probably too late.
The memory of deafening Mediterranean music wafted through the pounding in my head, and I remembered Lincoln walking away into the darkness toward the contract killers. Then there'd been a fire blazing through the dark. What had become of the rough men?
My vision cleared a bit, the pills working quickly on my empty stomach. Any clothes I'd worn the night before were gone. I saw the belongings from my purse piled on top of Lincoln's chest of drawers, but the purse itself was missing. My cell phone was there, too, though it was dismembered. He'd separated the pieces and ditched the battery, making it unusable and me untraceable. I suspected he'd taken my clothes and my bag and burned them or got rid of them some other way. Any blood that might have been on them was gone, charred or covered up. He'd erased any evidence that I'd been in the wrecked car. Smart. I wouldn't have to worry about explaining anything to the police. Not that I'd talk to them anyway.
I threw my feet over the side of the bed to stand. The blood defied gravity and somehow rushed to my head, causing an intense ache as I slowly locked my knees. I stumbled to the bathroom and rinsed my face with cool water from the tap. There was a bandage at my temple. I removed it and grimaced at the cut. Then I saw the dark circles under my eyes, the telltale sign of head trauma. Jesus.
After toileting, I dressed in one of Lincoln's shirts. All of his pants swallowed me, so no hope there. I couldn't go back to my apartment. DiSalvo had likely already discovered his men had failed. He'd send more and more until I was dead. No place was safe. Not even here, under an AUSA's lock and key.
I sat back down on the bed and stared out Lincoln's window, past the fire escape and into the blue sky beyond. The rain of the previous night seemed to have swept the firmament clean, giving it a new start. If only new starts were more readily available for the people on the ground.
I laughed. I was alone, laughing like a crazy lady in someone else's apartment. I guess that's all you can do sometimes. When you realize you're royally fucked sideways with a studded dildo, what else is there to do but laugh at the humor of it all?
I calmed myself, putting a lid back on the hysterical stew bubbling up inside.
I knew what I had to do.
I fumbled for Lincoln's phone. It was the corded type with huge numbers, like for elderly people. Must have come with the apartment. I dialed.
My receptionist picked up, chirping "Pallida and Associates" into my ear with far too much cheer for my tastes.
"Vinnie, please." My voice was a raspy croak. She didn't realize it was me.
"Sure, may I ask who's calling?"
I rolled my eyes. "Amanda."
"Amanda who?" she trilled.
"Huckinkiss."
"All right, Ms. Huckinkiss, I'll connect you."
A few moments of hold music later and Vinnie picked up. "I'd like to know who is 'a-man-to-hug-and-kiss.'" He sounded better than the last time we'd spoken, at least.
"It's me, Evan, and keep it down. Don't let anyone know it's me."
"Hang on, I'll close my door." He set the receiver down, and I heard the click of the door latch, then the scrape of the receiver and his voice. "Okay, boss, what's up? Where are you? Judge Crane put the trial on hold until you're found. The phone's been ringing off the goddamn hook. Castille is losing his mind. I'm pretty sure Wash fucked Jena last night. We need you here now."
I sighed. "Remember when you said you hoped I knew what I was doing?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I don't. Shit just got real. DiSalvo tried to have me killed."
His breath whooshed out, causing static over the phone. "Are you shitting me right now?"
"Shh! And no, Vin, I'm not shitting you. I have the concussion to prove it."
He let out a long string of expletives. Pride bloomed in my chest at his ability, but it was quickly stifled by the reason for my call. "Vinnie, I need you to watch your back. I don't think DiSalvo will come after you. He would have already done it if he suspected you were a threat. He knows I hold all the power in the firm and keep his secrets. There are still a lot of things you don't know about him." I took a deep breath. "Or about me. Things that I never wanted you to find out. I didn't want you to think, well, to think less of-"
"Evan, not possible. You know the family I come from. I know the way the world works. There's nothing you could do, not a goddamn thing, that would ever tarnish you in my eyes. Fucking ever. Know that." The conviction in his voice pierced me like a bullet.