Back to You(4)

“Well, that’s great. Right?”

“Yes, it is great. So great, I’m offering you a raise and a promotion.”

Holy shit, is he making me partner? I shift in my seat, readying myself for what I’ve been wanting to hear for a long time. “Wow, Robert. I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t expect you to say anything just yet. You’re going to want to think about this, talk it over with your family, I’m sure.”

Robert’s no stranger to my recent marital issues, but I’m still not sure why I’d have to consult with Mia about becoming partner. She’ll be over the moon ecstatic for me, for what this means for our family. “I’m not sure what you mean…”

“We’d need you here, in Hong Kong, every quarter for a month at a time.”

Oh. Mother fucking oh. No partner, just more travel and more time apart from my family. The answer is right on the tip of my tongue. No. I can’t handle—no, we can’t handle—this kind of continuous separation. Mia and I are just getting back to good and the kids—I’d miss too much of them growing up. How can I fathom saying yes to this?

“Declan, I see the wheels turning. I know this isn’t an easy decision. Talk it over with Mia when you get home on Friday.” He gets up from his seat and unknots his tie as he walks toward the door. Turning to face me again, I recognize a faint fleck of determination in his eyes. Must be what got him his partnership way back when—could also be what landed him three divorces and two kids who barely speak to him. “This would be huge for your review. It would secure you a spot for partner next year.”

“Thanks, Robert. I’ll take that into consideration when making my decision.”

With my career-idol gone, I rake my fingers through my hair, completely flabbergasted. Yes, flabbergasted. I want partner—it’s what I’ve been working for since I graduated college. But I want my family and my marriage to work, too. The timing of this promotion couldn’t have come at a less appropriate phase in my life. Be it a year from now, when Mia and I are on more solid ground, maybe the decision wouldn’t be so damn difficult to make, but now—I’m just not sure we can survive any more separation. No matter how hard I fight or how far away the temptation of Noah Matheson is—this will create a wedge that might drive us apart for good.





“Oh, Mommy, what does this one do?” Cara’s clumsily running her fingers over buttons and switches and it’s making me really nervous.

Crap! I should’ve kept this room a secret as if I’m harboring an international fugitive. “No, baby. Don’t touch.” Everything seems so delicate and breakable. I’d prefer it to be intact when Declan sees it for the first time.

She bounces off the black, leather swivel chair and then skips over to one of the extra microphones. “Check! Check! Is this thing on?” She taps her little hand on the foam sponge, emulating one of her favorite Disney teeny-boppers.

I come up from behind and lift her from underneath her arms. “Back away from the expensive equipment.” I say slowly as to not hurt her feelings. “You’re absolutely, stinking adorable, but there will be no DJ Cara Jean on the ones and twos today. It’s time to wake up Charlie from her nap. Daddy will be home soon.”

“And then we can show him his studio?” Her blue eyes glaze over as she claps her hands together as rapidly as a hummingbird’s wings.

“Geez, girly, I think you’re more excited than I am.”

“I can’t wait to see Daddy. I miss him,” she admits with a tiny smirk.

I know the feeling all too well. “I miss him too, baby.” Does she know I don’t just mean this time, but all those months we spent apart? Business trips and trial separations—can she even decipher between the two? I contemplate having a heart-to-heart with her, but decide against picking at healing wounds. Luckily, the girls walked away from our separation unscathed. Sure, they ask questions every now and then, mostly concerned with how long Daddy will be gone when he leaves for a trip, but other than that, it’s like it never happened. Thank you, sweet Jesus. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing my early midlife crisis impacted their childhood.

Wishing away the guilt that’s nestled itself in the nooks and crannies of my heart, I scoop Cara up and swing her against me, digging my nose into her soft cheek. “So you think he’ll like his anniversary surprise?”

Her sweet, resonating laughter fills the room with unparalleled warmth. I wish I knew how to work the recording equipment. I’d snatch up the sound and play it on repeat every time I need a pick-me-up.