Another phrase that usually ends with something unflattering or incriminating.
“I was offered a promotion and a chance at partner—”
“Oh my God, Dec,” I interrupt, “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you, baby.”
“But I declined it.” He gnaws at his lower lip and runs his fingers through his hair, eyeing me cautiously.
What does he mean, he declined it? Declan’s wanted to be partner at that firm since he was an intern. I couldn’t have heard him right. “Why would you do that? I don’t… I don’t understand.” I really don’t. I’m baffled. “Please bring me up to speed. I’m so lost.”
Standing from the bed, he places his hands in his pajama bottom pockets and starts to pace. “Well, when I was away in Hong Kong the last time—” He stops to look at my tray and then up at me again. “Would you just eat?”
I shake my head and let out a long huff of air. He leans down, cuts a piece of the waffle, dips it in the syrup and feeds it to me. I make an exaggerated effort of chewing and when I’m done I wipe my mouth with my napkin and demand, “Go on. It’s delicious, but it can wait until I hear why you turned down your dream.”
“That’s just it,” he says with enthusiasm. “I don’t have the same dreams anymore, Mia. You and the girls and our life together—that’s my priority. Making partner—I thought I wanted that, but what it entails—baby, I can’t sacrifice us for that.”
I’m still confused. What does making partner have to do with sacrifices? I mean, sure it’ll mean longer hours and a lot more responsibility, but—“I still don’t get it. What does one have to do with the other?”
“Hong fucking Kong,” he finally says through gritted teeth.
I cringe when I hear those words all the time, so it’s no surprise he hates them too. “What about it?”
“They wanted me to head the Archer account—the one based out there. I’d have to travel once a quarter for a few weeks at a time.”
Ah! There it is. Now, it all makes sense.
“I couldn’t do that to you, Mia. I know how much you need me.”
All of a sudden I’m defensive. I never want to hold him back from what he wants. That was part of our problem in the first place. I push the tray aside and stand in front of him. “You did this because of me? Declan, how could you not consult me on this? I don’t want to be the reason you regret things in life. One day you’ll look back and resent the hell out of me for this. I know it! You have to take this offer. You need to call him back.” I frantically search the room with my eyes for his phone. I’ll call his boss myself and tell him that he was drunk or something when he made up his mind.
But Declan cups my face in his hands, forcing me to stare into his blue eyes. “I didn’t do it because of you. I did it because of me. I can’t bear the idea of any more time apart. Not from you, not from Cara and Charlie. My three girls are my life, but a job is just a job.”
I want to believe him, but part of me can’t help wonder if I’d been less fragile in these last few months would he have accepted. I can’t rely on him like a crutch because of my fears.
I place my hands over his and remove them from my face. I grip them with all my might, trying to fuse all my emotions into him so he can understand. “Baby, I trust you.” It’s the first time I’ve said this since I found out about him kissing another woman and keeping it from me. He’s done nothing but rebuild that trust for me since then by proving how much he loves me and what he’s willing to do to make us okay. Before he can interrupt what I want to say, I continue, “I hate being apart, too, and I know you’re trying to do the right thing, but—we’ve survived the worst. We can handle anything. I want you to take this job.”
Declan hangs his head, staring down at our hands. He stays this way—what seems like contemplating—for a good minute. I expect that when he looks back up his face will wear disappointment and worry. This decision couldn’t have been easy for him to make alone. I want to kiss him just for putting my needs before his, but I can’t take this away from him.
To my surprise though, when he does lift his head again, he’s smiling. His face hasn’t been this bright in a long time. Worry free, happy, youthful. He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me. I fall against his chest and let him embrace me, protect me, and just hold on to me.
“I love you for being selfless, Mia, but I’ve made up my mind. Robert’s letting me keep my job and I’m training someone new. This is the best scenario. I promise, baby. Just trust me.”