Back Check (Aces Hockey #4)(77)

 

 

 

        

          

        

         

 

"I feel stupid talking in front of you all."

 

"You need us here," Rupper said. "Moral support."

 

Tanner sighed. "Okay, okay." He looked at the phone and nodded. "Katelyn. Hi. I'm, uh, sending you this from Nashville because … I can't wait to get home to talk to you. To tell you that I'm an idiot-"

 

"Fucking moron," Rosser called from where he still lay on the bed behind him.

 

Tanner blinked. "The guys are here," he said. "They're helping me do this because last night I realized … I screwed up. By ending things with you. I … " He looked down at his hands, then back up. "I got scared. I thought you were having second thoughts about us, and I wouldn't blame you if you were. Because yeah, it looks like I'm going to be traded."

 

"Probably not," Rupper called out.

 

Tanner rolled his eyes. "I don't know where I'm going to end up, but … " He lifted his chin. "Wherever it is, I'll give it my all. I'm not going to pout and sulk about it."

 

"He was pouting," Army said from behind the phone.

 

Tanner gritted his teeth. "Whoever the team is, I'll play my best. And I'll be okay. Except … I want you with me." He stared steadily at the camera. "I know it would be a lot to ask you to give up your career in Chicago. So I don't know how we'll work things out if I get traded, but I hope we can. Last time … " He dropped his gaze, wiping damp palms on his sweatpants, his heart thudding so hard he almost couldn't breathe. He lifted his eyes back to the phone and forced himself to say the words. "Last time I asked you to come with me and you said no. So … I'm pretty fucking terrified right now." He cleared his throat. "But you were right. I was a coward. I didn't stick around long enough to figure things out."

 

He paused to pull in a long breath. This time the guys all stayed silent.

 

"You know my life," he said quietly. "You know how hard it is for me to … " Fuck, he was ripping out his heart and offering it to her, all bloody and beating, in front of his teammates. "For me to get attached to people. Because they never stick around." His throat was swelling up, like he had some kind of tumor growing there, choking him. He swallowed. "You're the only one who ever stuck around. I hurt you once before by leaving, and now I've done it again, and I don't deserve another chance with you, but I … I'm asking you for one. I love you, Katelyn."

 

"Christ, I'm gonna cry," Rosser said in a high-pitched voice, wiping a fake tear.  

 

Tanner flicked him his middle finger out of sight of the camera. He hoped.

 

"So, um, I guess that's about it. I mean, I have a bunch more stuff I want to tell you, and I want to tell you about a hundred times I'm sorry and I'll run you bubble baths with expensive bath salts and bring you kettle chips and wine. But I guess that's it for now." He stared into the tiny camera lens. "I love you, Katie."

 

Army ended the recording, nodding in satisfaction. "Good job, bro."

 

"You think?" He rubbed his face. "I felt like an idiot."

 

"But you feel better, right?" Duper asked.

 

"No. I think I'm gonna puke."

 

"Here." Army handed him his phone. "Send it to her."

 

Tanner took the phone and sent it off, a sense of hopeful anticipation filling him. This had to work. This had to be okay. He filled his lungs again and then exhaled slowly. "Okay. Done."

 

"We gotta get downstairs and on the bus," Duper said, rising. "Let's go, boys."

 

-

 

Tanner kept checking his phone whenever he had a chance, on the way to the arena, after their morning skate, over lunch, back in his hotel room, where he tried to nap.

 

Nothing.

 

No reply from Katelyn.

 

Fuck.

 

They were at the Bridgestone Arena getting dressed for the warm-up when it was announced that Hughie was a late scratch from the lineup.

 

"What the fuck?" Rosser said, looking around the room. "He was here this morning, practicing."

 

"He was fine," Army said. "He wasn't the one doing Tennessee Fireball shots."

 

Tanner shook his head. Something icy trickled down his spine. Kevin's words came back to him … something's up.

 

Christ. He was afraid to even think about it.

 

There'd been some talk about Hughie being part of a deal that would help a couple of teams on the blue line. But Tanner had been so sure he was the one going to leave, he hadn't paid much attention to them. He should have.