Knowing sleep was going to be impossible now, she threw back the covers and slid out of bed. In her tiny kitchen, she flicked on the light and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. Leaning her butt against the counter, she drank.
Why was he doing this? It just didn't seem possible. She and Tanner had shared so much since they'd gotten together again, like they had all those years ago, but now it felt deeper, like there was even more of a connection. He was in his prime career-wise. She knew how important it was to him, and how much these next decisions were going to impact him. She'd known about his hopes and dreams from the time they'd been teenagers.
She knew the close bonds that had formed between him and his teammates, the mutual liking and respect they all had for one another. She knew that he took care of a boy named Jaivon, who needed glasses but couldn't afford them.
She gulped more icy water, her chest tight.
She thought about Tanner's family … all the people he'd tried to love, who'd left him … the step-parents, the step-siblings, even his own parents, who'd been too busy finding new spouses to pay much attention to him. For Tanner, love meant risk. It meant hurt and insecurity and fear.
How could she show him that wasn't the case? That she loved him more than anything? She'd told him she cared about him and he'd rejected her. That hurt … God, that hurt. But she needed to show him that he could trust her. That she was there for him, no matter what. That she wasn't like everyone else.
She wasn't going to give up on him. Not this time.
She moved to the window and stared out at the dark city, tall buildings still illuminated all around her.
She'd once sacrificed her love for him. She now knew what she'd lost, and she was afraid she was never going to find anything like it again. She'd tried … Lord, she'd tried.
The fear of losing that, the fear of never finding a love like that again … it was powerful. And it was stronger than her fear of rejection. He'd already done that-how much more could he hurt her?
She wasn't going to sacrifice them again, not when they had another chance. She'd give up her business in Chicago if she had to. She could start over somewhere else, working for another event planning company … it didn't matter what she did if they were together. She'd done it before, moving to a new city. She knew she could do it again.
This time there was no good reason for them not to be together.
Tears welled up in her eyes, fast and hot. They spilled down her cheeks and her bottom lip quivered. "Dammit," she whispered into the darkness. "Dammit, Tanner."
-
Tanner didn't think it was possible, but losing Katelyn now hurt even more than it had last time.
He did a fierce workout at the Moens Center before their practice. Their head trainer, Tony, was there, and gave him some new moves to work his back and shoulders. He tried not to think that in a few days he could be doing this in a different place with different training staff.
His heart may not have been all in when they went on the ice, but he faked it, laughing, joking around, working hard. It felt good to push his body to the point of exhaustion.
Kevin was in town Friday for a meeting with Aces management.
"Something's going on," he told Tanner when they met after. "They're not saying much, but I get a feeling there's something in the works. Look, do you want me to kick the tires in Anaheim? See what their interest is?"
Tanner stared at him. "Fuck. Really?"
"I can't get involved in their trade negotiations, but I can chat informally with Stan there. If you're interested, I can let them know you'd be eager to move."
"I'm not eager to move."
Kevin nodded. "I know. But we have to be smart."
"I don't know. No. Don't talk to them. I'd rather you tell Mr. Yarish I want to stay here."
"I've told them that. But not to the tune of millions of dollars. You need a deal that pays you what you're worth, wherever that is."
Tanner stared at Kevin for a long moment. He wanted to tell Kevin to just take whatever the hell they were offering and get it done. He wanted it settled. He wanted to stay in Chicago. But that would be a fucking stupid career move. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay. I guess we'll find out soon enough what's going on."
At least the road trip to Nashville would keep him busy. He'd be with the guys, and Nashville was a fun city to visit.
They arrived Saturday, ahead of the Sunday night game, and a bunch of them headed out to hit some bars on Broadway. The sidewalk along the famous street was teeming with people, to the point that it was hard to walk, although the crowds did seem to part for the group of big guys. Bright neon signs lit up the buildings lining the street, red and gold, purple and green. Traffic flowed past in a steady stream and music drifted out through open doors and windows.