Back Check (Aces Hockey #4)(71)

 

-

 

Another late night flight home, another dark drive to his condo, but tonight he was alone. He rubbed his face as he wandered over to the windows to stare out at the glittering view.

 

He was in a pissy mood after the loss. He hadn't played his best tonight and he knew it. He hadn't been mentally sharp. This contract shit was getting to him, and he couldn't let it, goddammit. He'd fucked up, giving the puck away right in front of their net, which had led to the winning goal for the Red Wings.

 

After the game, reporters had asked more questions about the trade rumors than they had about the game, inquiring how he felt about Boosh's deal. He'd gotten terse in his replies and had cut the interviews short, which wasn't like him.

 

Another fuckup.

 

He needed to be professional about this.

 

Tired. He was tired to his bones, bruised and battered. Doubts were crowding in his head, starting to take over, his thoughts muddled. He closed his eyes and tried to focus. He had to call Katelyn.

 

When he'd talked to her the other night, he'd felt uneasy. She seemed unconcerned about the trade. Like she hardly cared.

 

Maybe she didn't care.

 

He'd been feeling like a big loser lately, his career woes spread out over every newspaper, every sports TV show, and every blog for the world to see. He was doubting his worth to the team. He knew his worth to his dad wasn't much. So of course it shouldn't surprise him if his worth to Katelyn was equally insignificant.

 

Her voice was drowsy when she answered, and he pictured her in her bed, dressed in the flannel pj pants and long-sleeve T-shirt he knew she liked to wear when he wasn't around. She was always cold, even wearing thick socks on her feet to bed. Definitely unsexy, and yet cute as hell.

 

"Hey," he said. "Did I wake you?"

 

"Yeah. But that's okay." He heard bedcovers rustling. "I had my phone close by for when you called."

 

He closed his eyes. She'd been waiting for his call. Fuck.

 

"Sorry it's so late. I waited till I got home. Wasn't in a very good mood earlier."

 

"Because you lost."

 

"Yeah. And we lost because of me."

 

"What?"

 

"You didn't see it? Aw, never mind. I don't need to relive my screwup." He paced across the room, then back to the window.

 

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," she said gently. "And everyone makes mistakes."

 

 

 

        

          

        

         

 

"How was the launch party?"

 

"It was great! So much fun. Everything went really well. Sidney was happy and she offered me another job."

 

"That's good." His voice came out rough and scratchy.

 

"It is. I can't believe how much business I'm getting lately. I might have to hire an assistant, and I think I'm making enough money that I can afford to do it. Pretty soon I might be able to rent actual office space … I mean, somewhere low-rent, but hopefully decent, where I could have client meetings, and maybe some storage space."

 

The happiness in her voice made him feel like a rusty fork was stabbing his heart. "That would be fantastic."

 

"Wouldn't it?" She sighed. "Plus, I heard from Caroline Corrigan today, and the wedding is on! Isn't that great?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I knew if I just kept working hard and doing the best work I can, things would take off. Sometimes I doubted myself. Moving to Chicago and starting over was hard. But deep down I knew I could make it here."

 

He closed his eyes and nodded, his chest on fire. "I keep telling you that. Because you're good at what you do."

 

She laughed softly.

 

What was he doing with her? Leading her on, when he was likely going to be traded and saying goodbye to Chicago. Her business was just taking off and she was so proud and excited about her success. There was no way he could ask her to leave, to just abandon everything she'd worked for … and what? Start over in another city? Sure, there'd be opportunities in Anaheim or Pittsburgh or wherever the hell he ended up, but if she didn't know a soul there, she wouldn't have the contacts she needed to get business. She wouldn't know what vendors to use for décor and food and whatever else she did.

 

He couldn't do that to her.

 

On top of that, he knew himself. He knew he wasn't capable of any kind of lasting relationship. He'd never had that growing up, and he'd only proved it with Presley and, yes, with Katelyn once already. He wasn't going to be like his dad, stupid enough to get married four times.

 

Okay, this was it. He had to do this. He sucked oxygen into his lungs.