Back Check (Aces Hockey #4)(43)

 

"When I graduated, I took the job at the country club so I could stay in East Lansing. I was thrilled when they offered me a position there as events coordinator, because it was more money and more challenging for me, but working full time was even harder, and my hours weren't really regular, depending on what events were going on. Eventually I had to get home care for Dad, someone to come in and be there when I couldn't. That helped, but it cost money. He'd have moments … where he was lucid. He'd tell me to go, to use my business degree and follow my dreams and not stay there stuck with him. That was why he'd wanted to get his pension, so he'd be looked after. But I couldn't leave him." She paused. "You know the rest. He passed away a few years ago. It was awful near the end. He didn't know me. He was afraid of me." She sobbed.

 

Tanner rolled back to her, scooping her into his arms, pulling her tight to him and holding her-God, so tight, holding her like he should have all those years ago. His chest ached with an intense pressure inside him-anger and frustration and … something else.

 

She cried on his chest. "His p-personality changed and he was angry and paranoid. I didn't even know him, but he was my dad. I was exhausted from dealing with him, looking after him. Then he couldn't even talk anymore. There'd be times where I could sit with him and hold his hand, and he seemed to like it … Other times, he'd push me away and act like he was terrified and I was trying to hurt him."

 

"It's an awful disease."

 

"It is. Oh God, it is."

 

"Fuck, I'm sorry you had to go through that."

 

She gave a short nod.

 

"So after he passed away, you moved here."

 

"Yes. Rachel's here, so I figured it was a good place to move. I wanted to get lost in a big city and start over."

 

"Why didn't you call me? After he passed away. When you could leave."

 

She lifted her head and her eyes glistened with tears. "I thought you were married."

 

Hell. He remembered asking her this before. "Right. You didn't know I was divorced."

 

"No. I heard you got married … I saw the pictures. She's a model, isn't she?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"She's beautiful." She closed her eyes and a tear slid from one corner down her cheek. "After that, I didn't want to know anything more. I avoided anything to do with you-or hockey-on social media, or in the news. I never watched hockey, I never talked about hockey, I didn't want to … to … "

 

He stroked her hair again. "I get it." He sucked in a long breath. "I wish you'd known. I wish you'd come to me. I wish you'd told me."

 

"There were lots of things I wished were different too," she said on a sigh. "God, I wasted so much time crying about how I wished things were different. I felt sorry for myself at times, but I couldn't give in to that because I knew it would take over my life. So I kept a sense of humor and tried to stay optimistic and not think about all the things I wished were different. There's no point in crying away your life, wishing for things we can't change."

 

"True. So fucking true. I wish I'd never married Presley."

 

"Why did you? Did you love her?"

 

"Nah. I was in love with the idea of her. I was living in New York, living high, dating a gorgeous model … Everywhere we went, people were taking pictures of us. I got caught up in it all … maybe because I was trying to forget what I left behind."

 

 

 

        

          

        

         

 

She made a choked little sound.

 

"She wanted to get married … but it was the big diamond ring, the fancy wedding at the Plaza Hotel, all the paparazzi there … that was what she wanted. When I got tired of that shit, we argued. I stopped going out with her. But she kept going out … and then she stopped coming home."

 

"Shit. I'm so sorry."

 

He hitched a shoulder. "I'm over it. It was pretty much what I expected anyway. So that ended."

 

They fell silent, Katelyn's breathing still shaky. She rubbed her nose and he spied a box of tissues on a table, reached over, and snagged a couple. He handed them to her.

 

"Thank you." She wiped her eyes.

 

"So you asked earlier what we're doing."

 

"Yes."

 

"Look at me."

 

She gave her nose another swipe with tissues and met his eyes.

 

"Maybe what we're doing is … trying again."