It's all very well for him to talk. He's not the one being whacked. But I try to go with it, to look forward to the next strike. And somehow accepting it, feeling the whole taboo nature of what we're doing and lying there naked with my bottom raised for his hand makes it ... hot, less painful, something new between us.
He strokes my skin, soothing it between each sharp spank, and lets his fingers trail between my legs, making me needy, aching for him. And as he continues, the whole thing starts to feel good and I don't want it to stop. It feels hot, kinky, lying naked over his strong bare thighs, trapped there by one hand on my back, keeping me there for his pleasure and mine.
"You want more?" he asks. "We can stop anytime you want."
"Yes, more ... please. Don't stop," I manage to say.
"You haven't been spanked enough?"
"No," I squeak.
"Good," he says. "I'm going to spank you until you beg me to fuck you." I gasp at his words.
He lands another three on my bottom in quick succession and I yelp. The sting is going deep now, a frisson of desire pooling between my legs. But I'm not giving in. Not yet.
He spanks me until the peppery sting becomes a burn. My skin is on fire and I can't help wriggling and twisting around, trying to escape his hand.
I'm incredibly, disturbingly wet letting him do this to me, even encouraging him, enjoying something so wickedly taboo like this. Who knew? A minute of hard crisp firm spanks and I'm literally begging for him, shouting out for him to fuck me.
He's rock hard against me. He flips me over on my back, my raw behind against the bed, and condom on, he takes me right there, hard and unrelenting, and I love it. So raw. So rough. I come so hard I see stars. I thought that was just words when people wrote that. But now I know it's not. And as I recover, I feel him tense up and clutch me tightly as he gets closer and closer and releases deep inside me with a growl.
After recovering his breath, he looks down at me. "Are you okay? I wasn't too hard on you?"
"No, I loved it."
"I thought you did. I love you."
"I love you too."
And then we snuggle again. A whole lot more. And he smooths his hands over me, soothing my sore skin. I feel alive. Almost reborn. It's weird but good. It feels so warm, so safe here in Andrew's arms, odd given what he just did to me, how he extends my boundaries into places where anything might happen. It just feels I'm where I belong. "I think you should turn this into a proper room for Lucy," I say.
"That will be interesting when the new nanny arrives."
"You're not going to cancel that idea?"
"No, I'm not going to cancel it. You're not giving up your future to be a babysitter for Lucy. I can't let you do that. You were going to be an account manager for some big shot client in L.A. Instead I'd make you master of feeding bottles in Beech Hill. And besides, even if you don't want that, you have a trip to go on, an adventure to have."
"Do you think I care about any of that now? I never wanted to be an account manager in Dad's company."
"What do you want?"
"I want to be here with you and Lucy."
"What about your trip?"
"I can do that anytime. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to go around all those places by myself. I'd rather wait and go with you."
"Taking a baby to Paris-it's not the same as going by yourself, being free to wander around."
"I don't care. Paris is for lovers. I love you. Both of you."
"You're crazy, you know that." He kisses my nose. "You have the world at your feet, you're free to do it all and you want this." He points around the room. It's tiny, the room, the house.
He's right. But never mind, it's going to be fine.
"Freedom is nothing if it's not doing what you want. And this is what I want. You're not going to change my mind."
"Then I'll take you both to Paris," he says. "This summer, and we'll see all the sights. And if you ever want to do something for yourself, by yourself, just say the word. You don't have to get a job or anything if you don't want to, but if you do, I'll organize help so you can. I never want to hold you back."
"This is for me. But I have a few ideas of things I'd like to do."
"More things? Are they dirty?"
"No." I slap his arm and he laughs. "Things I can do and look after Lucy as well."
"It never ceases to amaze me how you can do two things at once, but tell me."
"I've been thinking about it a lot. I was just daydreaming to start with, but when I made the card for Beatrice, I showed it to Jasmine, and she asked me if I could make some to sell at the store in the village. I was thinking I could sell my cards to other places, too. And maybe I could make cakes too. I don't know. You always like them."
"Your cakes, your buns," he says grinning and kisses me. "And everything about you."
I tap his arm. "I'm being serious. Anyway, I thought if I did something like that, I could work around Lucy. It won't be a big thing at first but it will be something I can do, something so you don't think my brain has gone to mush."
"I'll never think that. You're the smartest girl I know."
He kisses me and I feel him harden against me.
"You're insatiable," I tell him, reaching down to touch him.
"Only with you," he says. "Seriously, if you really want to do this, I could take your cakes to the fire station. They'd go like ... well ... hotcakes. I didn't know you made Beatrice's card. I didn't think there was any kind of art supply shop around here."
"There was a craft fair in Greendale. I was just going to buy a card then I saw a stall with card-making supplies. I was like a kid in a candy store. I always loved doing stuff like that, but I didn't think about selling the cards I made until I was thinking of what I could do. I can buy supplies online if I'm going to make a lot."
"That's the first I've seen you happy planning your future. I love that it's with me and Lucy. But you're not just pretending it's what you want to make me feel better about letting you give up your job with your dad? I hope you're not."
"No, not pretending. I've never wanted anything more."
"Right then," he says. "It's a deal. But if you change your mind, tell me. No secrets, remember."
"No secrets."
And then we seal the deal in the best possible way. That tiny bed doesn't stand a chance with the enthusiasm we put into demonstrating our agreement. The bed cracks. There's no way a nanny is sleeping in it now.
EPILOGUE
Melissa
We get rid of the broken bed and turn the small room into a beautiful pink bedroom fit for a princess. It's funny to see Andrew in his coveralls, wielding a tiny brush, painting a row of stenciled hearts on the white walls. I make pink curtains and a canopy to match the hearts. We have so much love to give one special little girl, and she gives it right back. All the toys and baby things fit in the new room and finally, order is restored in the bathroom. We can take a bath or a shower without moving a ton of paraphernalia out of the tub.
I make almost all the cards for the coffee shop now. Jasmine has become my bestie here in England and I see her every day when I take Lucy along for a walk and to deliver my cards to her or to send them on to other places. At first, I just sold them to stores in the local towns, but after I started labeling each one with my contact details I got orders from other places. Making cakes turned out a bit more complicated. I had to register with the local authority and do their one-day food hygiene course. After that, someone came and inspected the kitchen, and finally, I was able to sell my baking. When I made Lucy's first birthday cake in the shape of Cinderella's castle, Jasmine posted a picture in her shop without telling me she was going to, and now orders are rolling in for special cakes as well as the cake or two I make every week for the store. "Beech Hill Cards and Cakes" is in business. It's a struggle sometimes to create my cakes in the small kitchen at the cottage, and I have to be careful to keep my card supplies out of Lucy's hands, but I've never been happier.
But my happiness is not all about making cards and baking cakes-Andrew and Lucy make me happy. I love the times we are together and we're one happy family of three and the times Lucy is in her bed, fast asleep, and it is just Andrew and me in his big bed, now ours.
He keeps his word, and we go to Paris in the summer a couple of months after Lucy's birthday. We see everything I always wanted to see: the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, the Louvre. But I like wandering the streets taking in the atmosphere, the cafes, sitting in the park watching Lucy play with small kids, drinking coffee, eating the bread that tastes nothing like French bread at home. Best of all, it's the whole Paris experience with the ones I love.
"Any regrets?" Andrew asks me as we sit on the terrace of one cafe, as the world passes by, traffic buzzing, sirens in the distance. It's nearly dusk but it's still warm just like back home in L.A. We will wander back to our hotel soon, with a bottle of wine to enjoy on our balcony.
"None at all. You know, I've never been happier." I smile at him, my gorgeous, wonderful firefighter.
"I thought so, but I wanted to be sure you weren't just putting on a brave face for me." He smiles at me, and I love the way that smile reaches his eyes every time these days.