"But let's say you are," Kiana said. "You're not actually considering having it, are you?"
"I don't know," I said, scanning the insurance paperwork in front of me before jotting my signature down on the bottom line. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet."
Kiana started to respond, but she stopped short when a nurse appeared in the lobby and called out my name. I followed her down a narrow hallway to an empty examination room, where she gave my paperwork a slow scan before taking my blood pressure and handing me a paper gown to change into. "Doctor Hendry will be right in," she informed me, giving me a small smile on her way out.
Doctor Hendry entered the room shortly after she left, barely making eye contact with me on the examination table. "Alrighty then," he spoke up once he got his machine up and running, finally meeting my gaze. "You're here for a vaginal ultrasound to confirm a pregnancy, correct?"
"Yes," I confirmed. "That's correct."
I felt vaguely embarrassed to be talking to him with my legs up in stirrups, but it passed when I realized he probably dealt with this kind of thing on the regular.
"Well this will be similar to a pap smear," Doctor Hendry informed me. "All I need you to do is relax. The less tense you are down there the better."
I tried my best not to tense up as he went to work, focusing my attention on a poster of a smiling pregnant woman on the wall across from me. The large wand entered me a few seconds later, and he assured me that I was doing great before confirming my suspicions with a few brief clicks of his mouse.
"Well, there you have it," he announced, turning the screen in my direction. "If my math is correct, and it always is, it appears as though you're about thirteen weeks along."
I felt all the air leave my lungs the moment my eyes focused in on the tiny life inside of me. It was a sight that filled me with equal parts joy and terror, and it didn't take long for tears to blur my vision.
We packed up and moved back to D.C. not long after that, but not for the reasons one might think. Robert was running for Congress in the upcoming election, giving mom as good a reason as any to keep him around past his expiration date. At one point she even went as far as to compare herself to Jackie Kennedy, which was especially funny considering she was more of a Marilyn.
I was happy about the move though. I wasn't free of Jack, or any less pregnant, but at least our rooms wouldn't be so close anymore. Back in Kailua we shared a wall, making it difficult for me to escape the sounds of his love making. I started wearing earbuds to bed as an added precaution, but there was little I could do to block out the rhythmic thud of his headboard every night.
First love was an ugly, ugly thing. If you asked me, it was uglier than puberty and menopause combined.
I tossed a dated black dress on the floor and let out a frustrated sigh. Mom and Robert were throwing yet another fundraising party tonight, an event of which I had no real desire to attend. Had it not been for them threatening to revoke my tuition to Hampton, I probably wouldn't have gone at all. Alas, I had no real choice but to slap on a charming smile and schmooze it up with dirty old men twice my age.
My door opened then, and I looked up in my vanity mirror to find Jack closing in on me from behind. He fell nonchalantly onto my bed, propping a strong arm beneath his head as he soaked up what I was wearing. Or, to put it in more accurate terms, what I wasn't wearing. All I had on was my school uniform skirt and a vaguely see-through lace bra.
"What?" Jack asked when I narrowed my eyes at him, giving me a devious smirk. "Can't find anything to wear in that black hole you call a closet?"
He was already in his suit and tie, prepped and ready for the party. I, on the other hand, wasn't in the mood for witty banter. "I don't even want to go to this," I whined, tugging another dress off a curtain. This one looked okay, but it fit like a brown paper bag. That was probably a good thing though. The last thing I needed was anyone focusing in on my quickly-expanding stomach.
Jack quirked an eyebrow at it, his smirk widening. "It's not so bad," he said, reading my expression. "A bit loose, but I suppose you can't help that. How much do you weigh again? About ninety pounds wet?"
"Shut up," I spat, tugging it off and tossing it to the ground on top of all the others. I let out a deep breath to try and relieve some of the stress I was feeling, but it failed to work when I noticed Jack's eyes taking a slow tour of my body. Fed up, I slammed my closet door shut and picked up the first dress I'd thrown onto the floor, tossing it on my bed right near his feet.
"Shouldn't you be downstairs eyefucking some diplomat's daughter?" I questioned, my tone thick with agitation.
Jack looked momentarily taken aback by my words, but it didn't take long for that smirk of his to return in full force.
"Get out," I demanded, nodding towards the door. "I need to get changed."
At first, Jack didn't budge. I was just about to grab him by the arm and escort him out myself when he pounced at me, gathering me up in his arms in a flash. The whole moment felt completely surreal. He kissed me hard and passionately, and I let him until my lungs couldn't take being deprived of air for any longer.
"Get out," I said again, feeling my voice waver. I stumbled back against the wall when he reached out to touch me again, refusing to make eye contact with him when he brushed my bangs behind my ear and allowed his fingers to linger against my cheek.
"I'm not one of your whores," I whispered, watching his expression shift from one of desperation to confusion. "You can't just pop in and out of my bed whenever you please. Things are different now. They have to be."
Jack raised an eyebrow. I could tell that he was trying to make sense of that last part, and I was just about to push him out of my room when I was hit by a wave of nausea so intense it sent me flying for the bathroom. I spent the next few minutes puking up my lunch, and I found him sitting on my bed staring off into space when I returned.
I didn't have to say it for him to know.
"When were you going to tell me?" he asked when the silence became too much for him to bare, his eyes latching intensely onto mine. "Or were you even going to?"
I shrugged, breaking his gaze so that he couldn't see the tears in my eyes. "There's nothing to tell," I said, running an unsteady hand down my abdomen. It was still relatively flat, but it was really only a matter of time before that changed.
"I've already made the appointment," I added, attempting to ease my own worries more than his.
Jack stumbled back as though he'd been slapped. "Nice," he deadpanned. I was surprised to see a look of pain flash across his face, but he didn't stick around for me to analyze it. He simply nodded in acquiesce, giving me one final look on his way out the door.
I let out a shaky breath as soon as I was alone again. There was no holding back my tears now. They rolled freely down my face, ruining my make-up in the process. It was the muffled sounds of people laughing and music playing that forced me to pull myself together again.
Knowing mom would be up any minute to see what was taking me so long, I quickly changed into the dress I'd decided on and rushed to retouch my foundation. Tonight I wasn't the stupid girl who'd gotten pregnant the very first time she ever had sex. Tonight I was Chantel Woods, a proper young woman with the world at her feet.
Reality could wait.
~ CHAPTER FOUR ~
The years flew by like they were nothing. Robert kicked mom to the curb shortly after he was elected, sacrificing half of everything he owned to keep her from dimming his bright future. We moved out as soon as the paperwork was filed, settling down in an upscale brownstone just a few blocks from the White House.
As for the baby, I decided to keep it. It was the universe that apparently had other plans. I lost my daughter exactly eighteen weeks into my pregnancy, putting an abrupt end to whatever it was I had going with Jack. He came to the hospital to comfort me after it happened, but life pulled us in different directions after that. He went off to Harvard Law, I busied myself with my own college experience at Hampton, and eventually we just lost contact all together.