Taken aback by her words, Silas set down the mug of coffee he was pouring and turned towards her. "Sorry?"
"Oh don't play coy," Vivian said, smiling down at the infant in her lap. "Joy told us all about how the two of you are considering adopting this little one."
Silas couldn't believe his ears. Luckily, Ron's perceptiveness was quick to save him from any further awkwardness. He could tell that Silas was unaware of his fiancée's long-term plans regarding Essie, and he rushed to diffuse the situation before Joy could reenter the fold and make everything worse. "I'm not feeling too good all of a sudden," he announced, pulling himself to his feet and turning to address his wife. "I think it's time we head on home. Go ahead and give the girl back to her daddy … I mean … Silas."
Vivian wasn't backing down that easily though. She put up a bit of a fuss before eventually giving in, reluctantly handing Essie over to Silas as she went to follow her husband out of the house. "Tell Joy to give me a call later," she called over her shoulder. "We'll talk more about the wedding then."
Silas assured her that he would before closing the door and making his way upstairs to put Essie down for a nap. He found Joy waiting for him in their bedroom when he reemerged a few minutes later, and she definitely didn't look happy. "Where'd my mom take off to so fast?" she inquired, giving him a slow once over.
"Gone," Silas informed her. "She said something she shouldn't have, things got awkward, and … they left."
Any signs of anger faded from Joy's face then, a much more curious expression taking its place. "Which was?" she questioned, trying her best to disguise the fact that she already knew.
"Oh, not much. Just the fact that we're apparently in the process of adopting Essie."
Joy exhaled a heavy breath as soon as the words left his mouth, tensing up as she listened to him rant about the importance of transparency in a relationship. She was just about to speak when Essie's shrill cries cut through the baby monitor. Holding up a finger to indicate that she'd be right back, she made a quick dash down the hall to tend to her, silently praying he'd take the opportunity to calm down so that they could have a conversation like civilized adults.
Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky.
"I can't believe you kept this from me," Silas said when Joy reentered the bedroom, beginning to pace. "I just … I don't get it. How could you go and make decision this major without at least talking to me about it? I love Es, you know that, but this … this is a huge responsibility … "
"I know it is, but what other choice do we have?" Joy challenged. "She doesn't have anyone else, Silas. She needs us. She needs stabil-"
"We aren't her only option, Joy," Silas cut in, speaking over her. "There are plenty of families out there who would love the opportunity to adopt her."
Joy gave him a hurt look. "What's wrong with us?" she questioned, feeling her voice waver beneath her words. "Seriously. Give me one good reason why she shouldn't stay with us-you know, the people who'll be able to keep her mother's memory alive a whole lot better than some stranger ever could!"
Silas sighed and studied his hands. She had him up against a rock and a hard place and she knew it. "I can't do this," he whispered, shaking his head. "I'm sorry … I just … I can't"
Joy let out a dry laugh and shook her head in disbelief. The look on her face was a stark cross between anger and disappointment, causing Silas to brace himself for the rush of emotion he knew was about to come spilling out of her. "I'm not letting you do this," she spoke up, her dark eyes burning hot against his. "I'm not letting you miss out on what could be one the most rewarding experiences of your life just because you're a little scared. Not again. I love you, and regardless of the fact that you just tried to use the same line on me that you did ten years ago, I know you love me too."
Silas waited until Joy was finished speaking before standing up and making his way over to the door, but she stopped him in midstride and forced him to meet her gaze. "If you care even a little bit about making us work, you'll find a way to get over this irrational fear you have of being needed," she whispered, talking slowly to keep from crying. "You're not your dad."
Leaving him to digest her words, Joy turned and made her way out of the room. If he was going to come around, and she certainly hoped he would, it would have to be on his own terms.
***
Silas left the house shortly after his conversation with Joy and made his way to Vincent's retirement home. He spotted the older man playing a game of chess with a woman about his age when he entered, and he stood back to wait until the game was finished before coming forward to greet him.
"Well this is a surprise," he remarked with a tired smile, gesturing towards the empty chair across from him.
Silas leaned in to give him a hug before sitting down in it. He didn't have a chance to speak, however, before Vincent brought up the fact that he looked on edge about something. Even after all these years, the man could read him better than his own father could. "That's actually why I'm here," he admitted, rubbing his neck. "I uh … I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on something related to my dad … "
"Your dad?" Vincent frowned as his mind wandered to the man who was so seldom seen throughout Silas's youth. "That depends … what do you want to know?"
Silas shrugged. "I guess I'm just wondering how much I remind you of him … "
"Ah, I see," Vincent said, clarity showing in his face. "Well … you certainly look a lot like him … but aside from that … "
Silas glanced out the window as his former butler's voice trailed off into a monotone murmur. "Joy wants us to adopt her friend's daughter," he blurted out, unable to keep the words unspoken any longer. "She died in a car accident about a month ago, and the baby's been in the system ever since. I care about her, I do, It's just …
"Just?" Vincent urged, willing him to continue.
"Nothing … it's just … this isn't a stray puppy, you know? It's a little girl who just lost her only parent. She's been through more loss in her short life than most people twice her age have, and I … I'm not so sure I'm the best candidate to be her father. I mean … who's to say I'd even be any good at it? Some men just aren't meant to be fathers, right? Well what if I'm one of them? What if-"
"Enough," Vincent interrupted, putting an abrupt end to the younger man's rambling. He looked towards Roberta when she entered the common room from the back garden, holding his wife's gaze for a moment before meeting eyes with Silas again. "I've said it before, but I'll say it again … you aren't Peter. You're twice the man he ever was, and will ever be, so do yourself a favor and start acting like it. It's not often people get second chances. Don't be a fool and let this one slip through your fingers."
Chapter 21
"So he really just took off?" Blair asked, her voice barely audible on the other end of the line. She'd been in the middle of throwing a wine tasting party when Joy called her, and now she was holed up in the bathroom, the only room in her house that wasn't currently overrun with guests.
Joy nodded, completely disregarding the fact that her friend couldn't see her. "Yep, and he didn't even have the decency to tell me where he was going," she said, exhaling a heavy sigh.
"Well have you tried calling him?"
"Once, but it went straight to voicemail, and Lord knows I'm too busy with Es to keep blowing up his phone like some kind of desperate teenager."
Blair pulled a face at her friend's misfortune. She was just about to speak when Joy informed her that she had to go. "I've got another call coming in," she explained. "I'll talk to you later."
Joy and Blair said their goodbyes and hung up. "Hello?" Joy said upon picking up the second call, silently praying it was Silas.
"It's me," Gloria greeted. "I just thought I'd see how everything's going..."