“Hey Jeff, I had a couple of … unusual … questions to ask you. About Wyatt Preston,” I added, glancing at my feet and wishing the floor would just swallow me up already.
He sat up straighter and dropped his playful grin, “What happened with Wyatt? Did he do something?” This confused the hell out of me but I tried to focus on the task at hand.
“No, no, he hasn’t done anything. I just had a couple of questions about him. A-as a person,” I blurted out. “He and I, well… We kind of hit it off at my birthday luncheon and I just wanted to see what you thought about… us. I don’t want to get in trouble with the B. Brothers,” I said as I moved to sit in the chair across from him.
“Well, you’re in different departments, Tori, so there shouldn’t be a huge problem. You’ll just have to keep it professional, you know. No quickies in the bathroom,” Jeff added with a wink and I just about died from embarrassment. Wyatt told him about the party! About our quickie! I was mortified and Jeff saw it. He had the grace to blanch and look shocked, but recovered quickly.
“I-I didn’t realize you… already had. Wyatt didn’t tell me, I was just joking!” he stuttered out. I had to hold back a giggle at how embarrassed we both looked, and focused on straightening my spine a bit more. “Jeff, I just want to know about Wyatt. Is he a good guy? Is this something that he would want? A relationship?”
Jeff’s eyes softened and I could tell his friendship with Wyatt meant the world to him. “You know, he was in foster care. His dad left when he was three and eventually, his crack whore mom lost custody. He’s kinda been through the wringer. When we met in college, I thought he was just a scrappy kid who hated the world. But I got to know him, and he’s one of the strongest, kindest, most selfless people I’ve ever met. You’d be lucky to have him.”
I fidgeted with my fingers and looked down, feeling tears prick my eyes. I had heard snippets of Wyatt’s past but I couldn’t imagine him as a beautiful blond little boy with no parents and no one to love him. I bit back the tears, determined to get the answers I came for.
“And what about me? Would he... w-want me?” I couldn’t believe vulnerability in my tone, the utter weakness I felt, as I waited for this judgment. I took a shaky breath and looked back up at Jeff. The sympathy I saw there almost undid me and Jeff simply said, “Wyatt has hardly wanted anything as much as he wants you. He won’t shut up about you. The only thing he talks about more is wanting a family. That man has the worst Baby Fever I’ve ever seen, and I didn’t know that was possible in a man,” he added off-the-cuff, not realizing the effect these words had on me. I felt a bone-chilling, alert sensation stiffen my spine and suddenly I wished I had never come into Jeff’s office. But Jeff just kept talking.
“From our junior year in college, all he ever talked about was having a family of his own. That he wanted to have the biggest family possible and that he was going to show his kids what love was. He was never going to leave like his dad did. I remember all of his dates in college used to melt when he’d say that. Women just love that shit, don’t they?”
My world felt a little like it was shifting on its axis, as this information put a new filter on all my interactions with Wyatt.
“I have an alternative.”
“It takes more than one time to make a baby.”
All of those sweet little nothings, all of those things I just thought he said to sleep with me… they were all the real Wyatt. As I scanned through my thoughts, I couldn’t recall one thing about Wyatt wanting to be with me. He said I was beautiful, that he wanted to fuck me, but did he ever say he wanted to be with me? No.
And all along, he had just wanted a baby. Those tears pricked my eyes again and my throat grew tighter. I felt used somehow, in a deep-down way that was more offensive than finding out that Wyatt had just wanted sex. That was all I thought this would be. But he wanted a baby. My baby. And now I was pregnant. Well, I guess we both got what we wanted. But then why did I feel so empty?
Jeff was still talking, mostly about their college escapades and all the stupid shit they got into when they were younger. He didn’t even notice my internal crisis. I stood abruptly and briskly walked to the door, hoping to make it there before the tears started to fall.
“Thanks, Jeff. That was… insightful,” I managed to say as I pulled the door open and made a beeline for my office. I shut the door, leaned against the cool glass, and let the tears fall.
I worked through the rest of my morning, knowing that I should have just gone home because I got nothing done. I shuffled papers around, drafted a few emails, and cried in the bathroom. A lot. Carter had mercifully been gone all day, which meant Emma had been quietly working in her office. Nobody had bothered me, so I decided to keep working.