Baby Business(21)

"I'm not sure what you mean," he said. "There isn't any reason for our  marriage to be over … but that's what your note meant, right?"



"Yes. Our marriage is over." It was mainly pride talking, but she didn't  care. She was tired of loving Donovan too much and him caring for her  too little. She was never going to be able to compete with  Tolley-Patterson. She was never going to be able to challenge him and  fill his life the way that company did. She was never going to be  anything more to him than the mother of his son.



"Why?" he asked.



He seemed perplexed, and frankly she didn't understand it. He had to see  that she was more than a cog in the wheel of his plans for the future.



"What do you mean, why? Honestly, I think you can see why we can't stay married."



She wanted to say because he'd hurt her when he'd lied to her, but it  was more than that. Tonight, as she'd tucked Van into his crib at her  parents' house and seen the picture her parents had placed over his crib  of her and Donovan holding the baby in the hospital-she'd wanted  desperately for the emotions she felt to be real on both sides.



"No, I can't, Cassidy. Nothing's changed."



"Everything's changed."



He came over to her and took her hand in his, lacing his fingers with  hers. She noticed the way their wedding rings nestled together.



"I married you, and we had Van together. My grandfather's will was in place before he was born."



"I didn't know that that was why you married me."



"Haven't you been happy?" he asked.



She had been happy. Had been finding her way in this new role. She still  had to go back to her job, and they'd never made a public announcement  of their marriage, but she'd been happy with Donovan.



"Well, yes, but … " How to explain? "I kept hoping you'd come back, and then you did. I set myself up for it."



"Set yourself up for what?"



She swallowed hard, hating to admit once again that she'd wanted to be  wanted, to feel special, for herself. To be the one thing that he hadn't  been able to live without.



"For you. I set myself up to be totally vulnerable to you. And that's what makes me mad. I made everything so easy for you."



Donovan cursed and dropped her hand, pacing away from her. She watched  his back, watched him walk away, though he didn't go too far. She made  herself watch that view and remember it. He had walked away from her,  and from her love.



"Nothing about this has been easy, Cassidy. Lying to you didn't sit  right with me, but as long as you seemed happy I told myself that the  ends justified the means."



"Of course you would say that. You've never needed me the way I need you."



Silence built between them, and she realized how much she'd hoped he  would argue with her about this. Hoped that he'd suddenly confess to  loving her and needing her. And the last of her dreams around Donovan  Tolley died.



She pivoted on her heel and walked toward the door.



"Cassidy, wait," he said.



She stopped where she was but didn't turn around. The numbness she'd  wrapped herself in when she'd come back to this house was fading,  leaving behind the kind of aching pain that she'd experienced only one  other time … when he'd let her down before.



"How can I fix this?" he asked.



That he'd asked made her feel marginally better. That he couldn't figure  out what she needed from him negated those good feelings. No one wanted  to have to tell someone that they needed to be loved. That they needed  to be first in their life.                       
       
           



       



"I don't think you can."





There were a few moments in a person's life that defined him, and  Donovan knew this moment with Cassidy was one. This would determine for  the rest of his life what the balance of their relationship would be.  And he had only to think about that feeling he'd had when he'd walked  into the empty master suite to know that losing her now wasn't an  option.



"Can't isn't in my vocabulary," he said.



She glanced back at him, that long curly hair of hers swinging around her shoulders. "What are you trying to say?"



He didn't blame her. He'd used evasion and half-truth for so long.  They'd become his standard way of communicating with everyone. It was  simply easier to play his cards close to his chest. He could protect  himself and use the knowledge he collected to his advantage.



And the knowledge he'd collected about Cassidy was simple and  straightforward. She needed some kind of emotional reciprocity. And it  was about time that he delivered it.



But laying bare his soul …



"That we aren't done talking yet. Don't walk away while there are still things to be said." No response. "Please."



She turned to face him, arms crossed. "I'm listening."



"Let's go outside. I'm tired of being in the house."



She nodded and followed him out onto the patio. The soothing sound of  the waterfall in the pool area eased the tension that was riding him.



He didn't lose. He wasn't going to lose Cassidy. He just had to do the  right thing. He'd always been able to fix things that way.



This was no different. He was going to win Cassidy back. He'd come back  from worse situations. It wouldn't be the first time that he'd been down  like this. She wouldn't have come back tonight if she hadn't wanted to.



"I know that I haven't exactly been your knight in shining armor, but I  can change that. This stuff with Granddaddy's will was making me a bit  crazy, and I had to focus on that and outplaying Sam. But that's behind  me now, and I want to make you and Van the focus of my life."



Cassidy watched him and he didn't even kid himself that he had any idea  what she was thinking. But he did know that she was no longer walking  away. It eased the ache that he'd felt when he'd stared at her back.



"You're talking about starting over?"



"If that's what you want. I'd prefer to start from here," he said, meaning it. "We've had some good times, haven't we?"



"Yes, we have. But I can't-"



"What?"



"Listen, I want this to work. I mean, I love you, Donovan, but you have  been a jerk about certain things in our relationship, and I'm not about  to put up with it anymore."



"Fair enough. You tell me what you want me to change and I'll change it."



"It's not that easy."



"Why not? That's what makes the most successful relationships work."



"What relationships?"



"Business partnerships, mergers."



He felt her go quiet. She stopped leaning toward him and even though she  didn't turn away he felt exactly as he had earlier when she'd walked  away.



"Mergers? Was this a hostile takeover, or a friendly acquisition?"



"A friendly merger," he said, drawing her into his arms.



She held herself stiff and he realized that the situation was slipping  away from him again. Was it time to pull back and regroup? Hell, he'd  never done that and wasn't about to now.



He leaned down to kiss her but she put her arm between them. "This will  change nothing. Physical compatibility isn't the issue between us."



"Prove it."



"Prove it? You're supposed to be the one giving ground and wooing me back."



"Am I?"



"Yes," she said. "And frankly, I'm not that impressed right now."



He pulled her back into his arms and didn't hesitate to take her mouth.  He kissed her slowly and deeply, reminding her with passion of the bond  they shared. Reminding her that it was deeper and stronger than anything  she'd experienced before. Than anything he'd experienced before.



He wasn't going to accept defeat. He swept his hands down her back to  the curve of her hips, holding her tightly to him. Dominating her with  the passion that had always been so much a part of their relationship.



She moaned, a sweet sound that he swallowed. She tipped her head to the  side, allowing him access to her mouth. She held his shoulders,  undulating against him. He wanted more of her and hardened in a rush.  Making love to Cassidy was an addiction.                       
       
           



       



He brought his hand between them, cupping the full globe of one breast.  She shivered in his arms as he brushed his thumb over her nipple.



He lifted his head so that their eyes met. Slowly he raised the hand  between them and unbuttoned her blouse. She arched her shoulders and let  him push the blouse off. She reached for the front clasp of her bra,  opening it and baring herself to him.



He pushed back a little to see her. Her breasts were bare, nipples  distended and begging for his mouth. He lowered his head and suckled.