Leaving was stupid, but it did teach me one thing.
There may be a million horrible men in this world – but there is also one good, true man.
And for one afternoon, I could fantasize about a life with him, in his cabin. A life where I could cook him meals and lie in his bed. A life where I wasn’t returning to a man who wanted to sell me.
A life where I was loved.
I swallow, and turn to Cherri and her husband, Dirk, who’s come in and listened to Buck repeat the incident, before he left for the Sheriff’s station.
I smile and grab my purse from under the register. Cherri’s focused on her husband and thankfully doesn’t see me as I slip into the back with my things.
I walk towards the bathroom, and keep walking out the backdoor, opening it as quietly as possible. I slip out the door and into the cold mountain air.
I swallow, hating the life I was born into, but also knowing I only have one hundred and twelve dollars to my name. I can hitchhike to a bigger city, but the truth is, it is inevitable. They found me in the middle of nowhere in just three days. I can run, but I can’t hide.
I need to give up, knowing I lost the fight, because otherwise they will come after Buck.
My uncle doesn’t mess around. He doesn’t just threaten. He follows through. Swiftly. And with precision.
Buck will die and then what will I have?
Besides regret for pulling a perfectly decent man into an early grave?
No. I cannot and will not do that.
With my purse on my shoulder, I dart behind the diner, through a stretch of trees, cutting toward the back of the motel. This town is tiny, and there are only a few places I might go.
At the motel I walk to the front and scan the parking lot.
It’s exactly as I expected.
“You ready to stop your fussing?” Victor asks through his lowered window.
I nod. “I surrender,” I tell him, raising my hands in defeat. “Can I just grab my things?”
Victor opens his door and steps out. “Let’s go, Rosalind. This time, no running, understood?”
“Understood.”
Victor wraps his arm around me, not in a protective way, but in a possessive way.
My skin crawls and I immediately regret returning to my captors.
Then I turn my head, eying the diner in the distance, with the honest owners and their wonderful son and I exhale.
I made the right choice.
The hardest choice, but the right one.
Not everyone gets a life of their choosing.
Who am I to think my life should be my own?
My uncle is livid.
“You fucking bliad’,” he spits in my face.
All this, and I haven’t even told him I slept with a stranger.
“You think you can run away from your family? Who the hell do you think you are Rosalind?”
My eyes meet the ground, hating the way he makes me feel. Small. Useless. Not enough.
He thinks our family is something that makes me feel safe?
He couldn’t be more wrong.
Stepping back into my uncle’s mansion, I immediately remembered why I left.
“You did nothing to compromise your integrity, did you?” he asks.
I swallow, sure that he will hurt me if I tell him the truth.
I can’t.
Victor will remember Buck, and know exactly where to go looking for him.
The whole point for returning is to protect Buck.
“No, Uncle.”
He nods. “Good. Now that you are twenty-one the time has come, your auction will be in four months. Many men will be traveling from Russia at that time and we will get a great price. Until then, no more disruptions, understood?”
“Yes, Uncle.”
“Good. Now go. Help starushka Lovina in the kitchen. And shower, you smell like a prostitute.”
I shower.
I help Lovina.
I cook the meals.
And wash the clothes.
And the days turn to weeks turn to months.
And then I start sleeping later, longer. Always.
And I start throwing up my breakfast. Coffee makes me nauseous.
And I realize I missed my last three periods.
My pants are too tight.
My breasts ache.
I run my hand over my belly, realizing whatever I shared with Buck was not limited to one afternoon.
I am carrying his child.
I don’t cry into my pillow.
This is better than I planned.
This baby will buy my freedom.
No man is going to want me now.
Tears streak my cheeks, and I’m not scared.
I’m relieved.
“What do you mean?” my uncle asks. “How is it possible?”
The auction is set to happen in two days.
I knew I needed to say something before he offered me to the highest bidder.
“When I ran away I slept with someone.”
My uncle lifts his face in disgust. “You are a dirty little bliad’.”
“No, I’m not,” I tell him, tears on my face. Because even though I think this news will buy my freedom, I can’t be sure he won’t do something horrible. Slap me, beat me, lock me in a cage. I run my hand over my slightly swollen belly. “I never meant to get pregnant, but now I can’t be sold.”