BEARed to You(25)
A lot more than she thought, evidently.
At least a half dozen of smartass, snarky comebacks popped into her head. But she kept her mouth shut. Despite the fact that he’d struck way too close to home for her comfort, he didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of a lashing from her razor-sharp tongue.
Not sure how to respond, she glanced down at their hands, still clasped together.
“I’m sorry,” he said, softly.
“No reason to apologize.” She swallowed. Hard. A big lump of something had congealed in her throat. “You were...what you said is...”
“What happened? Why are you so afraid?”
“Oh, what hasn’t happened to me?” Releasing the steering wheel, she waved the hand that wasn’t in Tarik’s grasp. “I don’t want to bore you with my boo-hoo story.”
“I won’t be bored.”
“So you say now,” she quipped.
He gave her hand a squeeze. “I mean it, please. Tell me.”
“I don’t like to talk about--“
“Please. It’ll help me...take my mind off of everything.”
She glanced at him.
Oh crap, there were those sad puppy eyes.
“Fine. I’ll tell you. But the story isn’t that long. Actually it’s short. I fell in love with this guy once, and I thought he loved me. He even mentioned the M word a few times, and I thought I would be getting an engagement ring on Christmas. Instead, I got a broken heart.”
“What happened?” he asked, softly.
“He was screwing my roommate. She moved out of our place and moved in with him the next day. The day after Christmas. The engagement ring I’d been expecting...she was wearing it by Valentine’s Day.”
“Well, that’s shitty of them.”
“It’s no biggie.” She blinked a few times. Her eyes were burning, dammit. She wasn’t going to cry. Hell no. “I’ve always believed things happen for a reason.”
“Oh, did they break up? Was it nasty?”
“No, they’re married now. She’s pregnant with their first kid. But since then, I’ve come to realize that marriage isn’t for me anyway. I like to be free, have nobody to answer to but myself.”
“I’ve always felt that way too...until now. This thing, finding out about my parents, has made me rethink my philosophy on commitment and relationships. And work. And a lot of things..”
“Hey, that’s fine for you.” She wriggled her hand, tugging it out of his. “And I totally understand why you would. But me...don’t look this way if you’re thinking about something long term--“
“Oh, I get it. You live in Michigan. I’m here in Alaska...er, Canada...wherever. I don’t know what’s going on with my job. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me. What woman would want me?”
“Lots of women,” she admitted. “That’s not the problem. You’re great. Super smart. Nice. Good looking. Like I said, I like being free, making my own decisions, not having to worry about anyone else. For example, if I decided I wanted to stay in Alaska--“
His sad puppy eyes sparkled. “Are you considering staying?” Dammit, the sparkles were so sweet.
“No. I couldn’t live here.” Could she? “I need sunlight. And I hate snow,” she said, reminding herself why living in this horrible place would never work. “I was just using that as an example. I wouldn’t have to convince anyone else to move. I could just pack up and go.” Deciding it was time to change the subject before things got even more uncomfortable, she asked, “So why do you think you started changing into a bear now, after all these years?”
Tarik cleared his throat. “Oh, there’s a good reason for that…”
* * * * *
It was amazing how close a girl could get to a person when taking a road trip.
By the time their car rolled into Eagle Ridge, Alaska, a tiny town that barely qualified as an intersection, she’d learned a whole lot about Tarik, and about science. Most of the things he talked about she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. It was kind of cute. He threw words like gene splicing and genome around like an NBA star would toss around a basketball. While she couldn’t appreciate the meaning of what he was saying, she did the way he spoke-- with such quiet awe. It was as if he verbally caressed the words. It was clear he loved the work he did, and was very committed to the good that might come out of it someday.
Despite what she’d said about not wanting him to look her way for a long term thing, she found herself wanting him to talk about her the same way, with equal respect and dare she say it…adoration.