Something shifted in her face when he said this. The fear wasn't pretend for her; it was very real. But he wasn't going to shield her from it and he wasn't going to coddle her. If she did have someone coming for her, gentle whispered words weren't going help. Only hard work would help.
"Give me your hands," he said. Tentatively she held out her hands, like a criminal waiting to be cuffed. Her took her delicate wrist in one hand and he couldn't help but caress the back of her hand with his thumb. It was a quick gesture, one that could easily be confused for an accidental touch. But it wasn't accidental. He had wanted one brief touch of her knuckles before she destroyed them on the heavy bag.
He took a roll of white tape and slowly wrapped it around the knuckles on her right hand. Around and around he wove the tape as she made and unmade a fist to make sure the tape wouldn't be too tight. He glanced up at her when he switched to the other hand and he could see her wide brown eyes staring up at him. She looked away quickly, as if she had been caught doing something naughty.
"So, I want you to stay on the balls of your feet. Your feet need to always be moving," he said. He stood across from him and demonstrated the moves, bouncing from one foot to another. His motions were quick and swift. "Keep yourself moving, always moving. In a fight, you never stop. You're on your toes so if someone tries to make a jab at you, you can duck out of the way and land a punch when he's weak and vulnerable."
She nodded and he could tell that she was taking all of it in. He positioned her in front of the bag. "On your toes," he said and she complied, standing up and bouncing back and forth a little bit, weaving and bobbing in front of the bag. Her hands were up, the white tape of the knuckles standing out in sharp contrast to her tanned skin. She looked gorgeous.
"You always want to aim for the center of the bag. Later we'll go over weak points, but we're focusing on the basics right now. So, I want you to rear back not just your arm, but your whole body. Put all your weight on your right leg and then step forward and give a hard punch, right here."
She nodded and did as she was told, but her punch was weak and the bag barely moved. "Oh no," she said a look of defeat coming over her face.
"Don't worry," he responded. "Everyone's first punch is that bad. I promise you. Now you know what it feels like. You know it will only hurt your hand a little; it has some give. So try again."
Marie nodded and she took her previous stance up again. She took a deep breath and stared at the bag. Her expression changed. She didn't look scared anymore. Now she looked fearless and angry. She was like some ancient goddess of vengeance. He wanted her. Right then and there on the gym's floor. He wanted to rip her clothes off her and throw her down. No! he reminded himself. You are doing a job; you are helping her. You aren't hooking up with her. You can keep it professional. You have to.
She hit again, and this time her punch landed with some real force. "Good!" he said, hearing the surprise praise in his own voice. "Again." She hit again, this punch even more confident than the one that came before. "Other hand," he said and she switched and hit with her left. The hit was a little weaker with a non-dominant hand, but it was still solid. "Back and forth," he ordered and she complied.
He could have watched her all day. He never wanted her stop. Sweat was dripping down her face and onto her chest. There was nothing other than the heavy bag for her. She was focused and dedicated on hitting it and thinking about nothing else. It was beautiful to behold.
Finally, she stopped. Her arms fell to her side and she threw her head back as she took deep gasping breaths. "My arms are killing me," she said putting her hands on her knees and resting. She was right. He should have stopped and given her a break, but he hadn't wanted her to stop.
"Yeah, get some water," he said, shaking his head to clear his mind of the image of her body moving before him.
He kept pushing her. He added more weights and more repetitions. Her arms and legs were shaking with the stress and exertion, but she didn't quit. She kept going, kept pushing herself. Axel could see her glaring at him out of the corner of her eye as she completed one final, painful, exhausting repetition. He could see that she wanted to hit him, to yell at him. Anything to make it stop. But she didn't She just grit her teeth and keep going.
He had her sitting on the bench with her arms behind up lifting up fifteen-pound weights in a seated dumbbell extension when her arms finally gave out. He was there; he supported her back with one hand and grabbed the light weight with his other. She gave out a small cry of pain as her arms came down to her sides and she sunk into the bench.
"Are we done?" she asked, glancing up at the clock.
"Almost," he said. He saw her face fall and he added, "we just need to stretch you out."
She blew a stray lock of hair out of her face and nodded. He handed her a towel and she wiped the sweat from her face and arms and chest. He had to force himself to stop staring at her, but she was all around him. Her reflection looked back at him from every wall. When he looked away from her, he only ended up looking at reflection in the mirror, her pale neck, the curve of her ass. It was far too dangerous.
Together they stretched. He put his hands on her and guided her movements. He ordered himself to be professional. But his imagination would not cease. He pressed down on her back to increase her stretch. He touched her thighs and her arms and her stomach. They didn't speak as he stretched her. She from exhaustion, he worried about what he might say.
"Take this," he said at the entrance to the gym as he handed her a bag of Epsom salt. "Put a cup of this in a hot bath and soak in it for at least thirty minutes. Take two ibuprofens and drink a lot of water. Be sure you're eating a lot of protein and potassium; coconut water and bananas should be a staple of your diet going forward."
She nodded. The redness in her face had left leaving behind a dewy glow. "I'll see you in a few days," she said as she left.
Chapter Fourteen
She hated him. She wanted to scream at him and rage against him. She hated when he told her to keep going and to focus on being strong. She wasn't strong. She was weak and tired and she wanted to quit. But she couldn't. She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing it. She pushed herself until her body gave out and only then did she let him help her.
It felt good. It felt cleansing. With every repetition, with every lift she was turning herself into someone else. Someone who was stronger and tougher than the Marie De Santa from Phoenix, Arizona. Someone who would never let anyone lay a hand on her child. She hated him, but she knew she would go back. Nothing could keep her away.
She kept remembering the way he looked. His body was just muscles on top of muscles. They lay hidden everywhere on him popping up when he lifted or punched. His arms were as strong as tree trunks, the shapes and colors and outlines of his tattoos accentuating his strength. She couldn't stop herself from staring at him. From the corner of her eye and in the reflection of mirrors, she saw him and she wanted to see more.
It was crazy. She wasn't ready for anything with anyone. She still jumped every time she saw a car on the road that looked like Austin's. She still heard his voice in her head at her lowest moments. She was still trying to figure out who she was. But it had been so long since she had felt anything other than fear and desperation. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted to feel his hands on her skin. She wanted to be held in his strong arms.
It is just a fantasy, she said to herself. I am just dreaming. It is the same thing as lusting after Alexander Skarsgård. It was nothing real, nothing would ever come of it. It would just be a fantasy for her alone. Axel Connelly never needed to know her inner thoughts.
Her body ached. But it was a good ache. It came from doing something hard, from pushing herself harder than ever. It was well earned. She followed his instructions and took the long luxurious bath and she slept like a rock that night. For the next three days he was all that she thought about. She watched videos of his fights and read his interviews online. She counted down the hours until she would see him again.
"So, we've been working pretty hard at the basics," Axel said once they were back in the boxing gym. "But I think today, we should talk about some self-defense tactics. That is why you came here, right?"
"Yeah," Marie said with a nod. Her hands were on her hips and she glanced up at him as she agreed. She didn't want to burden him with her history and she appreciated that he hadn't asked anything about it. They only ever met in this gym. It was almost like their lives outside of it didn't exist. She didn't have a past here, there was only sweat and hard work and Axel watching.