“I know,” I finally answered.
She kissed my forehead and then my dad stepped forward to hug me. He held me tighter than my mom had. I clung to him, wishing my parents’ love for me could make everything better. Sometimes love isn’t enough though, and we have to heal ourselves.
My dad released me and stepped back. He wiped beneath his eyes and looked away from me.
“Would you guys stay with me until Caeden gets back?” I pulled the covers up to my chin and sank against the fluffy pillows. I didn’t want to be alone right now. Being left alone meant my thoughts were forced to wander back to why my womb was currently empty. I needed a distraction. Being surrounded by people, focusing on what they had to say, would force me away from thoughts that would leave me feeling ill.
“Of course, baby girl,” my dad said, looking down at me like a small child who was sick in bed. “Do you want one of us to bring you something to eat or drink?”
The thought of food made me want to throw up. I was nowhere near ready to stomach anything. “I’d like some orange juice.” I frowned. Orange juice. Something I’d craved while I was pregnant. This whole, not thinking unpleasant thoughts thing, was so not working out for me.
“I’ll be right back.” He forced a smile and I was left alone with my mom.
I untangled one of my arms from the blankets and patted the empty spot beside me on the bed. “You can sit down, mom.”
She did so hesitantly, like I was a frightened bird that might take flight at any moment. I hated that she felt like she had to be so…gentle with me.
“Would you like me to braid your hair like I did when you were little? You always loved that,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes, transported back to a time when I knew nothing about my heritage. I was just a girl. One who loved braids, wished unicorns were real, and thought my daddy would always be my prince charming. My how things had changed. I missed the innocence of childhood. If we could all stay that innocent the world would be a vastly different place.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Do you want to shower first?” She asked.
I frowned. I knew I was mess but I didn’t see how I would have the strength to shower. “I can’t. I’m too tired.”
“I can help you.”
What eighteen year old girl wants her mother to help her shower? Wait… “I’m not eighteen,” I whispered. “I missed my own birthday.”
“Oh, Sophie,” my mom took me into her arms.
I wasn’t crying, but I was in shock. That was something else Travis had taken away from me. I didn’t even care that I had missed my birthday, I had way too many other things to be upset about, but it was the point of it.
I pushed her away, not wanting her comfort. “I can’t believe I didn’t remember my own birthday.”
“Soph, you were with a sociopath. It’s a miracle you’re alive,” she exclaimed.
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, staring off into space. “He keeps taking everything from me. Pretty soon, there will be nothing left.”
I turned to face her and she swallowed thickly. “You have your life, Sophie. As long as you have that, you do have everything.”
I shook my head. “I want that shower now.”
She tilted her head to study me. She knew I was avoiding the conversation—that I didn’t want to hear what she had to say.
“Alright,” she pushed herself off the bed and into a standing position. She came around to me and helped me out of the bed.
It took me what felt like forever to make it to the bathroom and into the shower. My mom had to stand half in the shower to hold me up. I was so off balance that I kept teetering precariously. She helped me soap and rinse my hair. I tried my best to scrub my body, watching with a tortured expression as my dried blood and dirt descended down the drain.
Once I was clean, she helped me out of the shower and dried off my body. I’d long ago gotten over the embarrassment of my mother seeing me naked. I wasn’t saying it wasn’t awkward, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about a lot of things.
“Will you be okay to stand here while I get you some pajamas?” She asked.
I nodded, leaning against the wall for support.
She didn’t take long. She returned with an old pair of pajamas and a loose t-shirt that belonged to Caeden. I winced as I lifted my arms above my head and she lowered the shirt down my body. I felt like I’d been kicked around by a bull. Without…without Beau, my body would heal faster, but after everything I’d been through it would still take some time.
She helped me back into bed and my dad was sitting in one of the chairs in the corner of the bedroom. I burrowed under the covers and my hand darted out to grab the glass of orange juice. I slurped at it greedily. The acidic juice burned my empty stomach, but it was still the best thing I had tasted in months. Travis had kept me fed, but everything had been basic and bland.