Avenger(47)

I turned my head to look over my shoulder at him. Squinting at the brightness of the sun, I replied, “Nothing. I know I’ll find nothing. But being here, it gives me clarity.” I swallowed thickly and went back to drawing random designs in the dirt. The ground was cold and unyielding, but I found something satisfactory in forcing it to move. I didn’t know what I was drawing and I didn’t care. It was a release.

“I don’t follow.” He crouched beside me, his breath forming fog in the cold air.

“Because, this is where I found her before. If I found her once, I can find her again…or so I keep telling myself.”

“You will find her again.” I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye but I refused to meet his gaze.

“I know,” I finally said.

But what we both left unspoken was would I find her alive?

I slowly stood, gazing around at the barren trees. I knew ahead of me was the makeshift grave where Leslee Grimm was buried. In the end, she’d turned out to be a good person and didn’t deserve the demise she met—death by the hand of her own husband. I was convinced Peter and Travis Grimm were the most sadistic people to ever walk the planet. They didn’t care who they hurt or who they killed. I wondered how many they’d killed that we’d never know about. And look at all the innocent lives lost with Travis’ need to make mutants. I didn’t understand how anyone thought killing someone was okay. I guess that made me a hypocrite, I’d killed before, but because I had to. Not because I wanted to, and there was a big difference.

I came to my feet and walked swiftly over to where I knew leaves and other debris hid the cellar door. I brushed them out of my way until I found the door and thrust it open. I descended into its damp depths, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. If I inhaled I could just pick up the lingering scent of cookies—of Sophie. My throat constricted painfully and I knew I was about thirty seconds away from having a breakdown. I didn’t need Nolan too see me lose it like this, so I carefully schooled my features as his feet thumped on the steps behind me.

“Whoa,” he breathed, taking in the medieval looking gurney Sophie had been strapped to. “That’s…”

“Creepy?” I supplied, sweeping my fingers along the metal.

“Yeah, definitely creepy. It reminds me of a horror movie, and knowing what happened to Sophie…” I saw him shrug out of the corner of my eye. “That’s tough.”

“You have no idea,” I whispered.

Being here, seeing this, smelling her scent—it was getting to me. I felt sick to my stomach.

“Are you ready to head back?” Nolan asked.

“No,” I shook my head, still looking around the small damp space. “I-I-need to be here for a little while longer.”

Nolan leaned against one of the dirt walls, not saying a word. I think he knew I needed this. Although, anymore I didn’t know what exactly it was I needed. True, like I told him, being here gave me hope that since I’d found her once I could find her again…but there was more to it than that. I just didn’t know what the more was.

My eyes scanned over the metal table and my breath caught at the sight of several dark hairs clinging to the corner. There were still bloodstains on the table—blood my sweet Sophie had bled out. She hadn’t deserved that and she certainly didn’t deserve whatever shit it was that Travis was dealing her now.

I ran my finger along the cold slab, stopping when I reached the strands of hair. My throat clenched painfully and I couldn’t breathe.

A strangled cry bubbled out of my throat, and my shoulders tensed together knowing Nolan was once again seeing me breakdown. I couldn’t be strong no matter how hard I tried. Sophie was my mate, and without her I didn’t know how to function. I knew that was a silly thing to think. I’d certainly functioned normally before I met her. But once she came into my life, she made me better. She made me a better brother, son, friend, and lover. She owned me, even though she didn’t know it. Having her, and losing her, was the most painful thing I’d ever experienced. And knowing that she was somewhere suffering tore me apart.

I rubbed my chest; worrying about her and Beau was making my heart squeeze painfully. Could shifters have a heart attack? If we could, I was pretty sure I was about a second away from having one.

“You okay?” Nolan asked from the shadows.

What was the point in lying? “No. I’m not okay. In fact, I’m not sure I’m ever going to be okay again.”

“You’re going to find her.” His voice was full of a determination I was lacking at the moment. I shouldn’t have come here again, and certainly shouldn’t have come into the cellar. This wasn’t healthy for me. “You know that.”