She looked at me, eyes flat, emotionless. “You get what you’ve always wanted, Anton. I hate that. But it’s better that than everything they worked so hard for turning to dust.”
“I never wanted this, Adela. Never coveted it,” I said.
“Yet here you are,” she said. Then she looked to Sandu. “So it is settled. Anton lives. And Clan Constantin lives with him.”
Twenty-Three
Lily
Two days and two long nights passed, and I felt frozen, stuck in some kind of stasis.
The man, Priest, had left me in a small house, a cute, homey little place that I could have imagined myself living in once upon a time. But that time had passed, if it had ever existed, which I wasn’t sure it had. My path had been laid out from the moment I had seen Braden in that bed—there had been no other.
I shook my head, the weight of all that I had done and all that I had lost hitting me at once. Maybe there had been another path; maybe there had been a chance for me to live, free from the burden of hate and pain and anger. Maybe, if I had only allowed it, I might have had a chance to heal, to live.
But I hadn’t allowed it, had given myself to my quest with no thought or care for anything else. And now I had nothing.
I drifted through the small living room and back to the bedroom where I had taken up residence, considering my current plight.
It wasn’t exactly true that I had nothing. I had my memories, memories of Christoph Senior, a man who I had hated, but one who had taught me many things, taught me about the folly of hatred, of things left unsaid, and, most improbably, of grace and dignity.
Then, I had my memories of Anton, my memories of the passion, the love that I had found with him, memories that I would cherish forever. I needed to focus on those, use them to guide me as I tried to figure out what I would do with my life.
I should have been happy. Anton was giving me a second chance, a first chance really, but it was hard to see that right now. All I could think of was how much I missed him already. Think of how empty I felt without him.
The lights flashing across the bedroom window drew my attention. I got up, not even stopping to step into the cheap slippers Priest had brought to me, and then headed to the door, hoping it was him, desperate to see him one last time. I opened the door, breath baited.
And was crushed when Priest and not Anton walked through it.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Lily,” he said, though his tone suggested he didn’t care one way or another.
“No, it’s fine. I’m not disappointed,” I replied.
He gave me a wry smile, amusement lighting his face for a split second before it faded and his expression shifted back to its implacable, unreadable standard. “You’re a terrible liar. It’s difficult to believe you were able to convince so many in Clan Constantin.”
“I can be convincing when I care to be,” I said, bristling at the insult to Clan Constantin and by extension Anton, ignoring the irony of that fact.
“We’re done here,” he said finally.
“What does that mean? Is it time to leave?” I asked.
“If you want to. You are in no danger. Anton asks that I give you his word that no harm will come to you from Clan Constantin if you choose to stay,” he replied.
“So…he’s okay?” I asked.
“He’s alive,” Priest responded.
“And he sent word with you?”
I left unsaid the question that burned on the tip of my tongue, the question of why Anton hadn’t come himself. Priest probably didn’t know and definitely wouldn’t answer. Besides, I knew the answer myself.
He hadn’t come because he didn’t want to see me.
He shouldn’t want to, not after what I’d done, but that he didn’t seared my heart and sent a hot rush of tears pooling behind my eyes. I choked them back, wouldn’t let Priest, or anyone else, see the pain. But I’d be alone soon, free to let it go, free to try to accept the reality that Anton was lost to me forever.
“I’ll see you home,” Priest whispered.
“I…” I started, trailed off, and then started again. “I can’t…Christoph Junior…”
“It’s been taken care of. You won’t notice a thing out of place.”
I might not see it, but I’d notice, wouldn’t be able to help but remember all that had happened there, my time with Anton, my near death, Christoph Junior’s body crumpled in a heap.
But there was nowhere else for me to go, and at least there I could pretend, think of the times with Anton and not the lonely life I faced without him.
I looked at Priest. “I’ll get my bag.”