Magnus stopped struggling against me and I slowly released him, but stayed close in case he went after Colton again. His rage was enough that I had no doubt he'd seriously injure the man.
"I … I … "
"How long?" Magnus asked. "Were you fucking her while we were still married?"
Shame crossed over Colton's features and he dropped his eyes.
"You son of a bitch … "
"I didn't mean for it to happen," Colton began feebly.
"So, you stuck your dick in my wife by accident?"
Colton shook his head. "She was just so … and Bess and I'd been having problems … "
"All the shit that woman put me through! The way she walked out on Jenna and never looked back … "
"Magnus, I'm sorry. There was just something about her … I couldn't say no to her."
The fury seemed to seep out of Magnus as he said, "I trusted you, Colton. I told you things … " Magnus shook his head and turned away.
"Magnus!" Colton called, but Magnus ignored him and returned to the car, only this time he went to the passenger side. I glanced at Colton who looked utterly devastated, but I had no pity for the man. I went to the car and got in the driver's side and shot Magnus a worried look.
How many more hits could this man take?
He must have sensed me watching him because he murmured, "Let's go home, Dante."
I didn't say anything as I got the car turned around. I just did what he needed me to do and got us back on the road for the short drive home.
Chapter Twelve
Magnus
I couldn't even put a label on what I was feeling. The emotions were swirling around inside of me like a tornado, picking up more and more shit as it churned deep in my belly. But it was the shame that made me feel like I was burning up from the inside.
I'm not a kid anymore! You can't tell me what to do!
Jenna, if you leave this house, don't bother coming back. Because I'm done! I'm fucking done, do you hear me?
They were words I'd wanted to call back the second I'd said them and a million times ever since.
"Magnus, talk to me," I heard Dante say and I finally became aware of our surroundings. We were in my living room and I was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. The one we'd always hung our stockings from at Christmas time and whose mantel had been covered with pictures of me, Jenna and Matty.
There was nothing there now … there hadn't been in years.
"Magnus-"
"Just give me some fucking space, Dante!" I snapped as the humiliation consumed me. Between all the shit that had happened the day of the wake and this, I was so fucking messed up around Dante that I could barely tell what was what anymore.
"Magnus, I just want to help."
"You can't help with this!" I yelled as I ripped my suit jacket off and tore at my tie. I knew it wasn't fair to take my anger out on him, but I was beyond controlling anything anymore.
"I know what it's like-" Dante began.
"How?" I bit out. "How can you possibly know what it's like to know you got your kid killed?"
"You didn't-"
"Jesus," I muttered, the last of my control snapping. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out and Dante's presence was making everything a thousand times worse. I needed him gone. "How are you not getting this? I can't deal with you right now, okay?"
Fuck, what the hell was wrong with me? I hadn't meant that …
"Dante," I began as I turned to face him, but he was gone. Regret tore through me as I glanced out the front window to see if he'd left the house. Since I didn't see him there, I went check the den. He was standing by the bed jamming clothes into his bag.
"Dante," I began, but before I could get anything else out, Dante snatched up his packed bag and stalked towards me.
"Move," he ordered since I was blocking the doorway.
"Dante, I didn't mean what I said … "
"I don't give a fuck!" he responded. "Get out of my way."
"No, not until we talk."
I wasn't prepared for Dante to come at me. He dropped his bag and used both his hands to shove me backwards until I hit the wall behind me. The hallway was narrow and dark, but I didn't need a lot of light to see the rage … and hurt in Dante's eyes. I'd put both those things there.
"Fuck you, Magnus! I'm done!"
The man was like a wounded animal, but I knew if I left him alone, I'd likely never see him again. The idea was completely unacceptable to me. I'd lost my daughter in a moment of weakness. I wasn't going to lose Dante the same way.
As he reached down to pick his bag up off the floor, I grabbed his wrist. He whirled on me and tried to hit me, but I was prepared for the attack and I caught his fist just before it would have collided with my jaw. His other hand came up to jab me in the ribs, but I sidestepped the blow and used my leg to sweep his out from under him, taking us both to the floor. I knew it was the only place I might have a chance of subduing him long enough that he'd listen to me. My intent had been to use my greater weight to my advantage, but Dante lashed out at me with everything he had and I nearly saw stars when I felt a blow glance off my jaw. The hallway was narrow enough so there wasn't the room Dante needed to get a true advantage against me by putting me on my back. We struggled for several long, painful moments in which his fists connected with my body more than once. But I finally manage to lock my hands around his wrists and pin them above his head. I straddled his hips so he couldn't buck up against me or reach me with his legs.
"Stop," I ordered softly as he fought my hold. He was like a spitting cat as he threw everything he had at me and we were both breathing hard and sweating by the time he finally quieted beneath me.
"Get the fuck off me," Dante said coldly, his voice deadly.
"Give me five minutes to say what I need to say," I murmured. "Please, Dante."
"No!"
I dropped my face until it was just inches from his. "Please," I whispered against his ear. "Do this one last thing for me and I swear I won't stop you if you still want to leave. I'll call a cab for you myself."
Dante remained mute which I decided to take as agreement.
"The day Jenna ran away, I'd been working for twenty-four hours straight. I was on my way home when I got a call from Matty's babysitter that Jenna hadn't shown up to pick him up the night before after she got off work – she'd been working as a bagger at the grocery store in town. I picked up Matty myself and took him home. I found Jenna getting high in her room with some guy she'd gone to high school with. I kicked him out and went to put Matty down for a nap. Jenna had started her fourth rehab program a week earlier. I was tired and frustrated and not thinking clearly and we started fighting about anything and everything. I was still pissed she'd stolen money from my wallet the day before and then she told me she'd lost her job. She said her boss had accused her of stealing but, of course, she said she hadn't done it." I paused as the adrenaline rush from the fight with Dante wore off and the guilt began to seep back into my body. Dante, for his part, was quiet, his expression blank. But he wasn't fighting me, so I figured that was something.
"I told Jenna that if she didn't get clean, I was going to kick her out and get custody of Matty. Losing Matty was one of her biggest fears because, despite everything, she loved him more than anything … but the drugs, they had a hold on her that not even the love she had for her son could compete with."
I felt tears stinging my eyes as my words began to play on a loop in my head.
"What happened?" Dante asked, his voice soft … gentle.
God, the things this man did to me...
"She told me she didn't believe me and she grabbed her purse and keys to leave. I told her that if she left, she shouldn't come back. I told her I was done. She must have seen something in my face or heard something in my voice, because she got this look … like she didn't know who I was. She told me to get out of her room so I went to mine to try and get some sleep and to figure out what to do next. She and Matty were both gone when I woke up." I shook my head. "That last look she gave me … it's haunted my dreams, Dante," I admitted. "If I hadn't said those things, maybe she-"
Dante shook his head. "You couldn't have known," he said gently.
I shook my head in disbelief. Just minutes ago I'd wounded him with my cruel words, and here he was trying to comfort me.
"How did I not see this?" I whispered, more to myself than to him. I softened my hold on his wrists and slid my hands up to his. It took just the slightest touch to get him to open them.
"What?" Dante asked, his voice heavy with some unnamed emotion.
I flattened my palms against his and then linked our fingers.
"You," I murmured as my gaze fell to his slightly parted lips.
Dante stiffened beneath me. The reaction surprised me and I saw his eyes fill with uncertainty.