Atonement (The Protectors #6)(19)
The innocent logic was amusing, but there was no humor in Magnus's gaze which led me to say, "That's not the only reason, is it?"
The silence between us lasted several long seconds before Magnus whispered, "And because he thinks I'm sad and that being married means I won't be sad anymore."
I didn't need to ask if the little boy was right. Magnus had hidden his grief well in the past six months, but I'd seen enough in just the last few days to know that he'd loved his daughter with everything he was.
I was tempted to end the conversation with another crass joke, but my mind rebelled. I couldn't make light of this man's pain. I took a deep breath and forced myself to say the words I hadn't even had the strength to admit to myself.
"I lost someone too."
Chapter Ten
Magnus
Dante's admission did and didn't surprise me. I'd suspected there was something in his past that had left its mark, but I never thought he'd actually admit it. We'd been getting along better since the night I'd confronted him in my room, but we also hadn't talked much unless it was necessary.
And that had been all on me since I'd been caught up in my own turmoil. Between the anticipation of Jenna's service and needing to pick out her final resting place that wasn't really even that, I'd been too emotionally drained to do anything besides focus on working on the house. The only other time besides the visit to the cemetery that we'd left the house had been this morning when we'd gone to the District Attorney's office in Austin so I could meet with the prosecutor one last time before the trial started on Monday. Dante had been on alert the whole time and hadn't visibly relaxed until we'd left the city limits. I hadn't been as on edge, but that was probably because I was too numb to feel much of anything. The only bright spot in my days were my calls with Matty.
And while I couldn't really call Dante a bright spot, in a strange way, just having him around brought me a sense of comfort I hadn't felt since I'd left Seattle. Maybe because he was part of the same family of men who'd accepted me into their fold, I wasn't sure. And since the night of our talk, he'd backed off from the crass sexual jokes he'd so often thrown at me. While I didn't miss his crude comments, I missed something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. He was quieter than normal and that just wasn't him. I felt like I still hadn't met the real Dante … just a skewed version of him that wasn't quite enough.
My physical attraction to him hadn't waned in the least, but I'd started to accept that it had nothing to do with stress. Whatever my mood was, I still wanted him. His touch, his smile … didn't matter. I just wanted it. All of it.
I'd quietly tested the waters of my attraction by occasionally touching Dante in ways that weren't necessarily sexual. I wasn't sure what I'd hoped to accomplish in the long run, but I'd certainly gotten some answers I hadn't been looking for. Namely that it wasn't just about physical arousal when I was near him. I wanted to know what he thought of things and I liked seeing the plethora of expressions steal across his face when he didn't realize I was looking at him. Like when he was interacting with Ace – he actually spoke to the animal as he petted him and I found that endearing despite the fact that I couldn't always hear what he was saying. When he was talking to Memphis on the phone about how things were going, he'd stand just a little bit taller as he listened intently to whatever Memphis was saying to him. If there was even the slightest hint of a threat against me, he would put himself in front of me and do that thing with his arm like he'd done the first day in the parking garage at Ranger headquarters … always watching my back.
"Who did you lose?" I asked gently. I was tempted to touch his hand again, but since he'd pulled away from me earlier, I decided against it. For all the sexual innuendo he'd sent my way the past few months, my touches actually seemed to make him uncomfortable, no matter how innocent they were.
Dante sucked in a deep breath and chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "My brother. Aleksander … Aleks."
"When?"
"Ten years ago. He was eight." Dante's voice shook with emotion and he dropped his eyes.
"How old were you?"
"Sixteen."
I ignored the fact that I knew Dante didn't like me touching him and used my fingers to push his hair back so I could see his face. "What happened?"
Dante shook his head before stilling. His whole body was drawn up tight and his hands were once again fisted on his legs.
"He was kidnapped."
I managed to keep the curse word that nearly slipped from my lips to myself. "Did they ever … "
I hesitated, not knowing how to ask my question. But Dante solved the problem by shaking his head. "Everyone was holding out hope that there'd be a ransom call."
When he didn't continue, I said, "But there wasn't."
He let out an ugly little laugh. "Kids from favelas don't get kidnapped for ransom."
I stiffened. "Favelas … those are … those are slums in Brazil, aren't they?"
Dante nodded. "Only one reason to take a kid from a neighborhood that the rest of the world doesn't give two shits about."
My stomach fell as I realized what he meant. Human trafficking.
As a Ranger, I'd been exposed to the practice on more than one occasion, but many of the victims we'd encountered had been held by the men they'd paid to get them over the border. It wasn't until the victims paid an additional fee or "tax" that they were released by their captors. But there was only one reason to kidnap an eight-year-old kid.
I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes as my heart broke for Dante and his family. "Dante-"
"That kid's really something," Dante suddenly interjected as he jumped up. A rough laugh escaped his throat, but it sounded forced.
"He is," I acknowledged, since I knew he was talking about Matty. I couldn't blame him for wanting to change the subject. I was feeling sick just thinking about what little Aleks, who hadn't been much older than Matty when he'd been abducted, would have had to suffer through … what he would still be suffering through if by some miracle – or curse, depending on how you looked at it – he was still alive.
"Putting the fact that I've got a dick instead of a pussy aside," Dante said as he went to sit down in one of the arm chairs, putting several feet of distance between us. "You couldn't afford me."
I knew the joke for what it was and decided to humor him. He wasn't the only one who needed to deflect some really ugly emotions.
"How do you figure?" I asked.
"Well, I'd be your trophy wife, right? This" – he waved his hand down the length of his body – "doesn't come cheap."
"So, I'm the sugar daddy in this scenario?" I asked.
"If the toupee fits."
I couldn't resist laughing at that. The humor finally reached Dante's eyes and I felt the warmth return, along with my body's excitement at having him so close, though he wasn't quite close enough.
Dante was looking so proud of himself for the barb that I felt like having a little fun of my own. I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "This is all real, baby," I drawled, adding an extra twang to my words. "You want to get a good grip and feel for yourself?"
My comment did exactly what I'd intended. Dante's eyes went wide and his breathing ticked up as he settled his gaze on my hair. No doubt he was thinking about the many things he wanted to be doing to me as he had a good fist hold on my hair. Hell, I was thinking about it too now and it didn't freak me out like it probably should have.
My little experiment had definitely answered the question about whether or not Dante was still attracted to me. Which left me wondering why my little touches seemed to bother him so much.
Interesting.
I released the hold I had on my hair and settled my hand in my lap. Dante's eyes shifted to mine and we both hung there for a moment before he averted his gaze. "I should probably go call in my report."
He sounded about as interested in leaving as I was interested in seeing him go.
"Probably," I murmured as what little humor we'd managed to find seeped from the room like a balloon being slowly deflated. I watched as Dante got up and headed towards the den. I searched out the remote for the TV and turned it on, but didn't register what was happening on the screen because I was too lost in my own thoughts to care.
What the hell was I doing? Was I seriously considering becoming involved with another man?
Frustration coursed through me as I tried to make sense of what my body wanted but my mind was clearly struggling to accept.
What I needed was someone to talk to. Maybe getting it out in the open would help me clear my head about the whole thing. My immediate thought was Colton, but I hesitated as I remembered what Dante had said about him. I hadn't noticed anything off about Colton, but I wasn't sure I wanted to share something so intimately personal with someone who might possibly be hiding something from me. Not to mention that Colton was a good 'ole Texas boy, like Jeff. I doubted he'd have an open mind about the whole thing.
I knew who I needed to talk to, but the timing wasn't great. But I was pretty damn desperate because I wasn't sure what would happen if I didn't figure this shit out. I was on more even footing with Dante, but one wrong move and we'd be right back where we'd been. And my physical attraction to him aside, I was coming to think of him as a friend and I didn't want to fuck that up.