"Yeah, and next you'll be telling me you like cock and suggesting I bend over so you can prove it."
I knew his comment was meant to rile me up, which it did, but in a whole different way. Because his words were just a little too close to the truth. My own anger ratcheted up as I said, "You know what, Dante, why don't you use that mouth of yours to say what you mean instead of using it to push people away?"
I released him and shoved away from him so I could go search out some paper towels to clean up the mess on the floor.
"And why don't you stop acting so high and mighty? Like you're so much fucking better than everyone else?"
I turned to see Dante use his hands to push his hair off his face and then his gaze held mine in a direct challenge.
But it was what I didn't see that had me hesitating from lashing back at him the way I was tempted to. His words said he was pissed, but his eyes … they told a whole other story.
"You mean you, don't you?" I asked softly.
"What?" he asked, though I knew he knew what I was talking about.
"You mean, why don't I stop acting like I'm better than you? Right?"
"No! No, that's not … "
My heart hurt for Dante as I watched his face fall. I closed the distance between us again so I could stop him if he tried to escape the room before we could finally hash this out, but I didn't touch him.
"Tell me what I did to make you think that," I insisted.
Dante dropped his eyes, a move I now knew he only did when he was struggling with his vulnerability. "Nothing … I should … I should go keep watch."
He made a move to leave, but I planted my hand on the wall next to his shoulder, essentially caging him in. "Dante," I said softly and this time I did brush his hair back, ignoring the message it was sending. "Please tell me what I did to make you think that."
Dante lifted his head and let the back of his head thump against the wall as he stared at me. But he didn't say anything and I could tell by his eyes that he was trying to mentally retreat from the whole conversation. Any second now, he'd blurt out some crude remark to prove to me he wasn't affected by whatever wrong I'd unintentionally inflicted upon him.
Fuck, I really didn't want that.
"Is it because I ignore you when you take your jabs at me?"
I saw a spark in his gaze and he finally shook his head. "I know why you do that," was all he said.
"Then what?" I asked, hating the unspoken plea that fell from my lips. I shouldn't give a shit about all this, but I did. It was one thing to use my silence as a defense against his snarky attitude, but I'd clearly done something that had left a mark.
"You dismissed me," he whispered. "They dismissed me."
At a loss, I shook my head, but before I could even ask who he was talking about, he said, "You walked into that room and I was nothing."
I still had no idea what he was talking about, but as I wracked my brain to try and figure it out, I remembered what he'd said to me just a few moments earlier.
You may think I'm a joke, but I'm damn good at my job.
Understanding dawned and I murmured, "Ronan and Memphis."
They were clearly the "they" Dante was referring to and I knew he was talking about the day I'd been summoned to Ronan's office to be told I was getting a bodyguard. I'd still been reeling from all the emotions that had gone through me when I'd walked in on Dante with the guy in the bathroom and he'd been the last person I'd wanted to see in that moment. It hadn't taken a genius to understand why I'd been called to that office, so my pride had taken a hit knowing Ronan, Memphis - and probably Hawke too - hadn't thought me capable of taking care of myself. Add in that the one man they wanted to saddle me with also happened to be someone who'd managed to work his way under my skin like no other ever had, and I'd been in a less than reasonable mood.
And I sure as hell hadn't wanted Dante to witness my humiliation as I'd been told I needed a keeper.
But considering the scenario from his perspective had shame flooding through me. He'd been dismissed from the room like he was some kid who wasn't old enough to hear the grown-ups talk. And not just by me. No, my reaction had driven Ronan to ask Dante to step out and that had clearly bothered Dante more than either myself, Ronan or Memphis had even considered.
A sick feeling washed over me as I realized that Dante's job meant so much more to him than I'd initially realized … it wasn't just a job to him. It was who he was. Hell, it could be all he had … just like my work had been all I'd had after I'd lost Jenna and Matty.
"Dante-"
Dante tensed and then he was shoving past me. Before I could even try to stop him, he was heading for the front door. But I realized he wasn't running away from me, because he was reaching for his gun even as he neared the door. "Someone's coming," was all he said and then he was out the door like a shot.
I hurried after him, ignoring the sound of crunching glass beneath my boots. By the time I reached the porch, Dante was standing at the base of the porch steps, his gun hanging loosely by his side. An older model Volkswagen Beetle was making its way up the driveway.
"It's a friend of Jenna's," I quickly said as I trotted down the steps to stand next to Dante. The car was far enough away that the driver wouldn't have noticed the gun in Dante's hand.
Dante glanced at me and then back at the car for a moment before finally returning the gun to his back. He made sure the back of his shirt was covering the weapon as the car rattled to a stop next to my rental car.
My insides were still aching from the realization of how badly I'd hurt Dante, and those emotions only intensified as I watched the young woman get out of the car, her shoulder length blond hair twisted into some kind of knot on her head. She was a tall girl, but stick thin, just like Jenna had been. In fact, they could have been mistaken for sisters and often had been. My gut clenched at the sight of the girl's red eyes and damp cheeks.
She walked around her car towards me and Dante, her keys in one hand. Stopping just a few feet from me, she used her other hand to wipe her face and whispered, "Is it true?"
I knew instantly what she was talking about because nothing else would have gotten this kind of reaction out of her.
"It's true," I said.
Fresh tears spilled down the girl's face as she walked into my arms. I held her tight as she let out a sob against my chest and I felt warm moisture seeping through my shirt.
"I'll … I'll get some water," Dante murmured and I sent him a nod of thanks.
"I'm sorry," the girl sputtered as she pulled back and used her sleeve to wipe at her face. "I mean, in the back of my mind I knew after all this time that it … it meant she probably wasn't coming back … " She let out a big sobbing hiccup and then managed to get out, "But I kept hoping … "
She was back in my arms a second later and I dropped my chin to the top of her head. "I know," I said softly. "Me too."
"Here," I heard Dante say and I saw he had both a glass of water and the entire roll of paper towels from the kitchen.
"Thanks," I said as I tore off a section from the paper towels and gently pushed the girl back and handed it to her. I tucked the few tendrils of hair that had escaped the clip back from her wet skin. When she'd dried her face, I gave her another paper towel to hang on to since her eyes had filled with more tears. She drank some of the water next and when she seemed more in control of herself I said, "Rachel, this is my friend Dante. Dante, this is Rachel Harris. She is … was Jenna's best friend."
"Hi Rachel," Dante said softly.
Rachel nodded and then managed to squeak out a "Hi."
"Why don't we go sit down?" I said as I motioned to the porch.
"Um … can we maybe go see the horses?" she asked as she wiped at her eyes again.
"Sure," I said.
"I'll just let you two talk," Dante murmured, but when he turned away to return to the house, I grabbed his arm. I couldn't explain why, but I didn't want him to go. There was just too much unresolved shit between us and even though I couldn't talk to him about it right now, it felt like that chasm would widen even further if he walked away.
"Why don't you come meet the horses?" I asked, though he and I knew he'd already met them.
Dante hesitated before nodding.
"Rachel's been taking care of my horses while I was out of town," I explained to Dante as we began walking around the side of the house towards the barn. "She and Jenna are both horse crazy."
Using the present tense in reference to my daughter made my chest hurt, but I kept it together. It wasn't a surprise that Rachel wanted to go see the horses … I knew she'd grown quite attached to them and they would offer her the comfort she needed right now.
More guilt weighed me down as I focused on Rachel and said, "Rachel, I was hoping to tell you myself about Jenna."
I'd been in too much of a hurry to leave town to get to Matty to take the time to tell anyone about Jenna's death besides my captain and a few people at work. And telling her friends, Rachel especially, over the phone or via text hadn't seemed right.