I’ve got no appetite at all. My birthday-cake milkshake, same as I’d gotten the time I came here with Dante, sits hardly sipped.
It’s not that it isn’t good to see Keith. We spent the first part of the meal talking about who’s doing what back home, and honestly part of me feels like we never spent time apart. He’s still familiar, still a friendly face. I don’t want to go back to leaning on him, but I appreciate having some brief, small touchstone from life “before.”
“So, how’d you end up here?”
I manage to swallow a fry. “My car went off to the great junkyard in the sky a few miles down the road. Outside of this really nice little town. I ended up wanting to stick around.”
Saying it out loud to someone other than Jake feels good. Makes it real and makes it about me and what I want. After all, I’ve started over in Evergreen Grove. I want to stay.
Keith gazes out the window. “I thought you hated small towns.”
I thought I did too. “Maybe I needed to find the right one.”
He doesn’t seem to like my answer. Rubbing the back of his neck, Keith shifts from side to side in the booth. “Listen, Cassie, the way we left things—”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I push my hands against the table between us, as if doing that will stop the inevitable uncomfortableness of this discussion. “The way I bailed was uncalled for. I kept feeling like if I could just get some distance from everything after my mom’s death, life would be easier. You were there through all of it, but that also meant I associated you with the hardest parts.”
Keith drops his head. “You had me so worried.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “You did a lot for me, and I’m grateful. I also needed to know I could do them without anybody holding my hand. I needed to be a different person.”
“And? Did you? Are you? In a good way, I mean.”
I think it over. Was I completely independent? No, but as AJ so gleefully pointed out to me, that’s a difficult thing to be in this world. And while I did accept help here and there, I did so under the power of my own decision making. I got a job to help cover my bills, and I paid Jake for a car he’d tried to give me for free. I volunteered at a nursing home and sat next to Dante while he went to that support group meeting. I sang again on a stage, when I wasn’t sure I ever would again.
I made love to Jake and enjoyed every touch and every whisper of every moment.
Am I a different person? Not entirely. But I have changed and I did prove to myself that I had worth. Worth I thought I’d lost. “I discovered a lot.”
Keith takes a sip of his strawberry shake and then rubs his hands together, chasing away the cold of the glass I guess. “Well, I did some thinking and changing after you left, too. I know I used to be kind of heavy-handed. I’m not too proud to admit that, and I’m afraid my condescension and overbearing nature pushed you away.” He rubs a thumb over my cheek. “You seemed so lost when your mom passed. I only thought if I guided you, it would help.”
Maybe it had, but it had also felt overwhelming and belittling. I’d driven away in my now-dead Volvo vowing never to be spoken to that way again.
“Your intentions were good. And I got through all the funeral arrangements and whatnot thanks to you. So thank you.”
I may have had my issues with him, and we may have broken up, but I shouldn’t let this moment go by without expressing gratitude. When things looked impossible, he was there. He might not have been the right guy, but he did try.
Keith reaches into the pocket of his coat. “Listen, Cassie. I promise I really have changed. I’ll keep changing. I’ll work hard on being better for you. I want this to work.”
It takes time to register what he’s holding in his hand. The box. The small, dark, open box. With a ring inside. Oh, holy crap. “Keith, you can’t be serious.”
“Cassie, listen to me. You don’t have to worry about your car. I’m road-tripping to the beach. You could come with me. My aunt and uncle have a big place there. Plenty of guest rooms. There’s a chance I might stay long-term and take over the businesses, depending on how things go with my uncle’s health. I hear they have a good music scene there. You keep saying you want to start singing again.”
He’s gripping one of my hands in one of his now, giving me his pitch. Both his cheeks have gone bright red with enthusiasm. The ring still rests in his other outstretched palm, glowing and ominous like a ticking bomb.
“Keith...”
“Do you need time to think? It’s okay if you do. I’ve shocked you. Totally shitty of me. I could go ahead up, give you time to pack. I could send you money to rent a truck.”