If I’m being honest with myself, I kind of love that he only wanted to sleep last night. It makes me feel like this might be something special for him, too. Not simply something that seemed like a great idea after too many shots.
I really like the idea that Jake thinks I’m special.
I breathe in the scent of him, still a lot like sleep and a little like vodka. My fingers tingle to run over his skin. When I find the smooth patch at the base of his spine, he groans and buries his head in the space between my neck and shoulder.
“Are you okay?” I told him I wasn’t inexperienced, but clearly I stretched the truth. I’ve never heard a guy make that noise before.
But it must have been a good one. The heavy in and out of his breath makes his chest heave against mine, and he’s hard. The thick ridge of him pulses through his jeans and nudges at my thigh. There’s a scraping sound by my ear. His fingers trying to find a place on the mattress, I think.
He shakes his head, which is still buried in the crook of my neck. “You’re killing me.”
His almost-beard tickles me. I have to laugh. Feeling extra bold, I wriggle under him more and bring my legs up, wrapping them around his waist. “Good,” I whisper.
Good. Great. Because, God, this feels amazing. This, being here with him, it feels like... freedom. It feels powerful.
He goes still and then brings his head up. One kiss becomes another, and then a gentle lick along my bottom lip before he asks, “Is this okay?”
“It’s great,” I say. And it is.
His touch is solid and sure when he slides his palm over the shell of my bra, when he kisses my collarbones, and the hollow of my throat. I laugh again. “Dammit, that really tickles.”
I feel him smile against my chest. “You want me to go shave?”
“No, don’t stop now.” Please. Don’t stop now.
I’ve never heard my own voice that way before. Raspy. Hungry.
He kisses me everywhere I’m exposed. The sun is starting to peek in through a crack in the curtains, and I realize I’ve never done this with a guy in the morning before. With everything all out on display. It’s strange and amazing at the same time.
Jake’s lips brush my shoulders and skate down my arms. They meet my belly button when his hands lift my hips up to meet him. Oh. Okay, wow.
Desire and emotion swirl inside me, ratcheting tighter, rising. I feel like a volcano preparing to erupt, and I don’t know what will happen when I do.
“Come here.” He presses close to me and slides his hands under my back, pulling with gentle assuredness.
“Whoa. Okay.” I’m in his lap then, rising and falling. Before I know it we’ve somehow switched positions, and I’m the one on top of him. Kissing him, exploring his ridges and peaks with my fingers like his body is a topographic map.
“I want you to be in charge,” he whispers. “Do whatever you want to do to me.”
Heat rushes through me. Affection. He’s giving me the control. I wouldn’t have thought of doing things this way, but it’s amazing. So is Jake.
I want to protest. I don’t need this from him, I want to say. I’m not afraid. Except I realize that I like the idea of being in control, and maybe I’m not scared to be with him, but maybe it would still be really nice this way.
So I do to him what he’s done to me, because it only makes sense. I kiss, I touch. Gently and then more boldly. My thumb swipes over a nipple. It’s hard and it’s so there. I get curious and touch it again. I pinch it, and then taste it with my tongue. Loving the salt on his skin and the hiss he lets out into the air, I taste again. Sucking it in a little.
He groans and clamps his hands on my hips. “Oh. God.”
I bite my lips. “You like that?” I already know the answer though, and it’s so good.
“It’s a huge turn-on.” His hands brush up and down my side. “All of you is a huge turn-on. Your smile, your body, your talent...”
“Thank you.” That means a lot. It does. More than he can probably know. I don’t usually feel pretty. I’ve had guys yell at me that I’m hot, but I kind of think some guys will yell that at anybody.
The way Jake touches me, I really do feel beautiful. I kiss him again, straddling his hips and leaning close. Pressing our bodies together this way makes me start to want more. We still have our pants on, and I’m ready for that to change.
“Hey. I bought condoms.” I slide my hand down over his stomach to the buckle of his belt. The bulge I encounter is a little intimidating, but I’m ready. It’s Jake, and I’m ready.
He jerks underneath me. “You’re sure?”