At the Stars(20)
“Cassie,” I say finally. “I can’t... It’s great you can be comfortable with me, but whatever you’re looking for, I can’t give you.” I take a deep breath and put my hands on her hips. I mean to keep her from pushing closer, but she puts her hands to my shoulders and brings her body in so tight. I’d have to really shove her away if I wanted to create distance.
Fuck me. I’m no man-whore, but I’ve been around the block enough times. This girl shouldn’t be one-upping me in the moves department. “Cassie,” I say her name again to try and get her attention. “I don’t think you’re listening.”
“You don’t date.” She looks up at the sky again, letting out a big sigh. “I heard. That’s okay.” She turns to unlock the door, using the little step up into the room to give her some height. “I’m only in town for a little while, until I find a new car or you find me an engine I can afford. I had a serious boyfriend for a couple of years before I left home, and it was part of why I was anxious for a fresh start. I’d be okay with nothing serious.”
No. I wouldn’t be okay with treating this girl like a hookup. Whatever her issues, Cassie is sweet and nice, and frankly I’m getting tired of fucking around to let off steam. With LeeAnne it’s one thing: the lady is married and we had an agreement. Nothing will ever come of that deal. With Cassie or anyone else, if it gets serious then I risk having to explain every ugly thing I’ve done. And having them hate me once they know.
“I’m sorry.” I take one hand and give her knuckles a quick, gentle kiss. I’m not even sure why I do, except I guess I want her to feel better. I saw a guy do it to a woman on TV once, and the lady ate it up with a spoon. Cassie keeps on giving me a hurt look, but that’s one more reason to back away. She’s young, she’s nice, and she deserves to stay that way.
She wouldn’t with me.
“Listen, I’m not someone that anybody should get close to. I’m sure as hell not safe.” Even as I’m saying so, I accidentally brush my hips against hers. They’re warm and round, and soft. The curve and shape of them is in my head now, exactly like the way I know how she fits wrapped up in my arms. I’m hoping the six-pack at home in my fridge will help me later to blur the notion of what she’d feel like underneath me.
Maybe I can still stop by LeeAnne’s. Maybe I’m not in the mood.
“So nobody should get close to you? I thought the same thing about myself. It’s lonely though, right?” She looks worried about me now. That’s worse than when she looked like she wanted to kiss me.
I tug on a strand of that hair one more time. An excuse to touch her without really touching her. “There’s no need to worry about me. I’m great.”
I’m not looking at her when I say those last few words. I’m jingling my keys and looking back toward my truck, the universal symbol for “I really gotta get the fuck out of here.” This conversation is getting more touchy-feely than I know how to handle.
So I’m busy thinking about getting back to the truck. I don’t see it coming when she reaches up to brush her lips across mine.
It’s not an aggressive kiss. It almost doesn’t even qualify as a kiss at all, compared to what I’m used to. Her lips are as soft as I figured they would be from looking at them, and they fit so easily against mine. The way she throws her arms around my neck though, I’ve got this armful of Cassie and the only thing I want to do is hold on. Anyway, she could fall backward if I let go. I can’t let her fall.
I open my mouth to remind her why this is all a bad idea, and instead of words I hear a low, strangled sound come out of my throat. She uses the chance to slide her warm tongue against mine. She’s a great kisser—an amazing kisser—soft but firm, and insistent. I don’t know why I didn’t expect her to be good. It means she’s kissed other guys, and right now I can’t think about her and other guys.
Shit. Shit. She’s shifting against me, sliding so her shirt and my shirt are doing that dance where they decide to help each other ride up. The heat and silk of her stomach against mine are more than I can handle. Her bed is a few feet away through the doorway behind us and I have got to go. Right fucking now, I have to get out of here.
I clamp my hands on her shoulders and step back. Way back, off the sidewalk that skirts the motel and down into the parking lot. “What was that?” I’m asking like I don’t know. Like I’m not trying to get my dick and my breathing back under control.
She leans back against the door frame, looking at me with those glittery eyes. Her hair is messy and her lips are swollen, and the guy in me can’t help but love it.