At the Stars(12)

We. Seriously? We. Fuck.

I wink and tug a newly-shortened strand of her sandy hair as I walk off to try and defuse the fact that I just promised to help her fix this fucking problem of hers. I’m not sure how that happened. Didn’t want her doing something stupid, that’s all.

When I turn back on my way out the door I’m glad to see she’s focused on talking to a customer, bent down and listening to whatever question they’re asking. As I head back across the street, I pretend my heart’s not beating any faster than it was when I walked into the bakery. I’ve got a lot of oil changes this morning, and apparently I gotta see about finding this girl an engine, pronto.



Cassie

I guess this town really goes all out for Independence Day. I stepped outside of the bakery for my break one afternoon and saw a good old-fashioned, small-town parade, with cars and kids on bikes and streamers and the whole thing. Only a few dozen people, but the enthusiasm was catching.

Delia said they go up and down Main Street and then gather at the Heart and Hearth restaurant, which is right across from the Grove Inn. It’s the town’s one frou-frou, fancy place.

When I was young, I thought it would be a neat day to have a birthday. After all, I knew for sure there would be fireworks. It was awkward as I got older to be like, “Yeah, and by the way, it’s my birthday, too.” This year, I’m alone, I’m in a strange place, and I need to be cautious about spending money. No partying for me.

Delia gave me my first two weeks’ pay, but it isn’t a lot so I need to be careful. The money left from my mom’s house needs to get me somewhere I can start building a future. Somewhere safe.

Without a car, I won’t get anywhere fast. I keep wondering if maybe I should break down and buy something newer, but I can’t justify spending that much. I haven’t finished college or chosen a career. I don’t know how I’ll support myself when I get to wherever I’ll decide to settle.

I try distracting myself with a Glee marathon after work, but it makes me antsy to be stuck inside on such a nice day. I stick my head outside the door of my room, startled to realize the sun has dropped out of the sky, and even more startled that I actually kind of want to go somewhere to celebrate my birthday after all. The balmy Friday evening has that alive feeling my friends back home and I used to love. The one that said it was a good night to go out and forget our troubles.

God, I would love so much to forget my troubles. Only, as much as I think I’ve grown leaps and bounds in the confidence department, going out alone doesn’t seem like a great plan. I’d have to walk downtown or up to the overlook where the folks said the best firework viewing would be. Either way, a girl walking alone in a town where she doesn’t know many people is a bad plan.

I take a chance and slide over to knock on AJ’s door. I’m listening to the bang and crackle of people shooting bottle rockets somewhere nearby, when he comes bustling out the door.

“Hey you.” He looks me up and down. “You okay? It’s too early for anyone to look so tired.”

“I’m good.” I straighten and try to hide the worry I can’t stop chewing on. “Trying to decide whether to go out or stay in.”

“Out! Always out. What are you thinking?” He looks at me like I suggested something appalling.

I manage to laugh even though lately there hadn’t been much to laugh about. That lift in my chest surprises me. “I guess I just...” Studying AJ’s earnest face, I decide to go with the truth. Or part of it, anyway. “It’s, uh... It’s my birthday, you know? I don’t know if I’m in an apple pie and sparklers place this year.”

He reaches inside the door and flips off the light. “Oh. Shit. Well, we gotta go out for drinks. You can drink, right?” He starts to grab my hand and then stops with an expression of mock horror.

I shake my head and give a slight smile. “I can now.” Those three little words bring up more pain than expected. This is my first birthday without my mom, and it’s a big one. I push the sadness down, the wishing she’d have wanted to be here with me. I force my smile wider. “What’d you have in mind? I have to watch my spending, but I hate to stay inside listening to fireworks all night. I could maybe go out for a little while. If you’re up for it.”

It’s this debate I have with myself all the time. I hate staying inside, keeping myself isolated. I was such an extrovert before. Still, going out tonight feels weird. A little like I’m not supposed to, or I’m not supposed to want to. I’m still working on finding that place where trying to have fun doesn’t have to be someone else’s idea. And it shouldn’t inconvenience anybody, because I just hate to be a burden.