Prologue
Ash
I watched her sleep, loving the little sounds that came from her narrow, petite nose. I lifted a couple of ropes of hair out of her face and kissed her temple. My fingers slipped slowly down the length of her arm, brushing against the diamond ring I’d given her. She couldn’t wear it all the time, so it was something of a thrill when I saw it nestled there.
We would be married someday soon and nights like this would become the rule rather than the exception.
“I know what you’re doing,” she mumbled.
“What am I doing?”
“You’re fantasizing about the future.”
“Don’t you?”
“All the time.”
She rolled onto her back and looked up at me, her haunting brown eyes looking right through me. Alexi had always been able to see everything, my thoughts and my feelings. It was part of why I loved her so much.
“Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we left all this behind us?”
“All of what?”
“The military. The CIA. The operations, the secrets, the lies.”
“We will. When this war is over, or when we’re too old to be effective, whichever comes first.”
She ran her hands over my belly. “You really believe in this stuff, don’t you?”
“We’re protecting our country. What isn’t there to believe in?”
“What about a home, family? Don’t you want to have children?”
“Of course.” I brushed the hair away from her face and stole a little kiss. “But don’t you think we’ll get bored, living a conventional life after all of this?”
“Maybe.”
There was a thoughtfulness in her eyes that worried me a little.
“I want more nights like this,” I said, sliding my finger down between her breasts, pressing my palm against her belly. “I want to be with you every single night for the rest of my life. But I know you. I know you would get bored playing Susie Housewife.”
“I think you’re the one who would get bored.”
I shrugged. “My father has this whole political career outlined for me when I get out of the military. State senate. Congress. Maybe even the White House.”
“Ambitious.”
“He always was.”
“What does David think of all that?”
“Oh, David’s the backup plan.”
“Kind of like the Kennedys?”
“Exactly. The Texas version.”
“President Ash Grayson. Sounds pretty good, actually.”
I laughed. I could feel heat spreading over my face, so I pressed it against her chest. She ran her hands over my head, her fingers playing over my buzzed hair.
“I’m not sure I’d make a good First Lady though.”
“You’d be more popular as First Lady than Jackie O.”
“No.” She slid her hands down my back. “I love you, Ash, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t live in that world.”
“Not really my ambition, either.” I sat up a little and kissed her. “My idea is that we give this military thing another ten, fifteen years, and then we retire to a quiet little community somewhere and raise a family.”
“Ten years? How old do you think I am?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“It’s harder to have kids after thirty-five. You know that, right?”
“Then we adopt.”
She groaned. “What if I don’t want to wait that long?”
“Then we figure something out.” I kissed her again. “I will do anything you want to do, babe.”
“Anything?”
“Of course.”
“So, if I decide that I want to leave the CIA now, move to Rhode Island, and become a teacher, you would support that?”
“Of course. Just like you’d be okay with me staying in the military and accepting another tour of duty in three months when my contract comes up.”
She nodded, but there was a shift in her eyes.
“Alexi…”
“We should get going,” she said. “We’re supposed to meet our handlers in an hour.”
“Okay.”
I watched her slip out of bed and walk naked toward the bathroom. We were in a house in a small village in Afghanistan, a house where we’d been waiting and watching for five days, gathering data on a corrupt politician. It would all be over tonight. There was a party being thrown at a house not far from where we were. We were to pose as guests so we could photograph the Taliban leaders the politician consorted with. It was supposed to be an easy, in and out, sort of thing. But things could always go wrong, and they often did.
That’s what made moments like this even more special.
I memorized her movement, loving the way her hips swayed just slightly with each step she took. I was pretty sure I’d never get tired of watching her, of touching her, of tasting her. My body ached whenever we were together, this need simmering just under the surface until we were alone together. And then it boiled, turning into something that I could barely control.