“Ash.” Zane comes to where I’m leaning on the doorframe, grabs my arm and drags me into the living room. I let him manhandle me because I don’t trust myself to jerk away. I think if I move a single muscle, I might start punching people.
I have to calm down.
So I let Zane shove me down on the sofa and push a drink into my hands. Cold, wet. A beer. I clasp it reflexively.
Dakota is perched on the armrest of the sofa and Audrey sits in the armchair. Apart from me. At a distance.
Good. Better for her. I have to believe that but, god, it’s tough when she’s right here and I’m looking straight at her.
I force my gaze down to my sweating beer bottle and swallow. Damn, I’m hard. Again.
Shit.
I keep my bottle in a strategic position, hiding as much as I can, and try to think of other stuff to will the erection away. Like my history teacher’s face from high school. My lack of money and what I’m about to do to fix that. My father’s fists.
Okay, that last thought kills my erection in two seconds flat, making it a new record.
“Earth to Ash.” Zane is waving a hand in front of my face. When did he sit beside me? “Did you hear what Audrey said?”
“What?” I frown at my beer, not sure I want to know.
“She says she’s inviting you over for Christmas.”
I shake my head. I can’t be hearing well.
“Come over to my place,” she says, her voice low and hesitant. “Everyone else will be out of town. We can eat together.”
“No.” The word spills from my lips before I even think about it. I don’t need to think about it. “No.”
Zane winces. “Come on, fucker, she’s being real nice. It’s Christmas. You can’t stay here all by yourself.”
“Sure I can.”
There’s pain in her eyes and I curse softly, my chest tightening so much I have to reach up and rub it. I hate causing her pain—but it’s for her own good.
Have to keep reminding myself that.
She gets up, not looking at me, and her voice is thick when she says, “Think about it. Please, Ash. I’d love you to come.”
Goddammit. She doesn’t sound like she’s faking it. I’ve wished for her to speak those words a thousand times in the past. Would have given my right arm to hear them.
You have to be careful what you wish for in this messed-up world.
***
“She was trying to be nice,” Zane mutters after Audrey and Dakota have left. He runs his hands through the stubble on the sides of his shaved head. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Many things,” I say. “Want a list?”
“Shut up.”
“You asked.”
Zane comes to stand over me, wearing a dark scowl. “You think you’re funny?”
I shrug. “Do you think I’m funny?”
“Dammit, Ash.” He straightens. “I didn’t want to let her come ’cause I thought she’d be a bitch. Turns out it’s you I should have been worried about.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, fucker. You could at least be civil. You could be friends.”
“She doesn’t need a friend like me.”
“The hell she doesn’t. What the fuck does that even mean—a friend like me?” He mimics my voice, making a face. “This is bull and you know it.”
“If you say so.” I don’t need this shit.
“You’re one of the most decent guys I know, Ash. So get your head out of your ass and head over for Christmas.”
That is so not happening. I set my beer on the table, my hands shaking. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your trip?”
“Trying to get rid of me? The voice of reason?”
“Kiss my ass, Z-man.”
“No, thank you, I’m good. Going to pack now.”
He leaves to his bedroom and I sit staring at the opposite wall. Christmas. It’s in two days. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
Time passes so fast. What do I have to show for it? I need to set my plan into motion to earn enough money, find a place to stay, return to my evening classes and finish my GED. That may open some doors.
Land me a better job. A legal one.
And then maybe Audrey will...
Will what? Don’t be such an idiot. Too many ifs in my plan—go back to the club, make them take me on. And win. Preferably without getting crippled for life.
Fuck Christmas. I’m not going to Audrey’s or anywhere else for that matter. I’ll train. I’ll be ready. I can do this. For once in my life I have a goal.
I’m gonna turn my life around.
Chapter Nine
Audrey
Christmas Day.
I’m standing at the bay window of my living room, staring out at the grey of early afternoon. Snow is falling in light swirls.