“How can we go to Rome?” Porcia said, her face pale and strained. “Who will protect us?”
“The Lord will protect us,” Mnason said, having overheard her remark.
“As he’s protected us here?” Porcia said, her eyes filling with tears. “As he protected Stachys and Amplias? As he protected Junia and Persis? As he protected Hadassah?” she pressed, listing fellow Christians who had been sentenced to death in the arena.
“Hush, Porcia,” Timon said, embarrassed by her outburst.
She wouldn’t be hushed. “You’ve been beaten, Timon. Everything we’ve worked for has been destroyed. Our lives have been threatened, our children tormented. And now we’re to go to Rome where they make Christians into torches to light the arena for their games? I’d rather go into the wilderness and starve.”
Little Mary began to cry. “I don’t want to starve.”
“You’re upsetting the children, Porcia.”
She drew the two little ones close. “What of our children, Timon? Mary and Benjamin are too young to even understand what it means to believe in Jesus as Lord. What happens if—”
“Enough!” Timon commanded, and she fell silent, her mouth working as she fought her tears.
Rizpah put her hand over Porcia’s and squeezed. She understood the woman’s fears very well, for Caleb was her own primary concern. Hadn’t she come here to John in an effort to find a way of protecting Caleb from being used by Sertes? She wanted Caleb to grow up strong in the Lord and not in captivity as a pawn used against his father. If Atretes or Sertes took him from her, he would never have the opportunity to know the Lord.
O God, show us a way to bring our children out of this. What would it be like to live in a place where one could worship freely without fear? What would it be like to see buildings rise to the glory of God rather than to some empty pagan idol? Rome tolerated every religion conceived by man and denied the very living God who had created her and the world in which her inhabitants lived. Rizpah closed her eyes.
Almighty Father, you created the heavens above and around us. All other religions are man’s attempt to reach God. The Way is God’s attempt to reach man, giving up his throne and becoming incarnate. Every religion man created brought him into bondage while Christ stood arms outstretched in love, already having set men free.
O Father, why are we so blind? In Christ Jesus, we are free. We need not fear anything. Even a slave can have wings like an eagle and soar into the heavens. Even a slave can open his heart and God will dwell within him. Why can’t we accept the gift without question and be convinced that no walls, no chains, not even death itself can hold captive the mind, heart, and soul that belongs to Christ?
It took hearing Porcia’s fears to make her see her own failings where she herself too often erred.
You are my sustenance, Jesus, my life. Forgive my forgetfulness.
She felt joy bursting within her, a swelling bright and warm that made her want to cry out in exultation.
“Even fear can be used to God’s good purpose,” John was saying, his gentle eyes on Porcia. “I was afraid of death the night they took Jesus from the Garden of Gethsemane. I despaired when I watched him die. Even after I knew Jesus had arisen, I knew fear. When my brother James was cut down by the sword on Herod’s order, I was afraid. Jesus had given his mother into my keeping, and I and the brethren needed to get her out of Jerusalem to safety. I brought her here to Ephesus, where she remained until she went to be with the Lord.”
He smiled sadly. “We’ve all known fear, Porcia, and still do at vulnerable moments in our lives. But fear is not of God. God is love. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Jesus Christ is our refuge and our fortress against any and all enemies. Trust in him.”
Rizpah could feel Porcia relaxing beside her. John’s words of assurance were a mere reflection of the assurance of Christ within him. It was impossible not to believe in the presence of the apostle. But what about later?
Timon came and stood behind his wife, one hand on her shoulder, as they all listened to the apostle speak. Porcia put her hand over Timon’s and looked up at him.
“Persecution drove us from Jerusalem,” John said, “but Christ used it to good purpose. Wherever we go, be it Ephesus, Corinth, Rome, or even as far as the frontiers of Germania,” he said, smiling at Rizpah, “the Lord himself goes with us. He is our provision as we carry the gospel to his children.”
Germania, she thought. Surely, it could not be the barbaric place she had heard it was.
As the men talked over plans to leave Ephesus and Ionia, Rizpah gave in to exhaustion. Curled on her side, Caleb held close, she slept. Some time later, Caleb awakened her, hungry. As she rose, she noted that someone had covered her with a blanket and left the brazier burning. The others were gone. As she nursed Caleb, she went to the window and looked out. The man was no longer standing beside the building down the street.