As Sure as the Dawn(161)

“You laugh now, my love, but you weren’t laughing then.”

“No,” he said, remembering. “I didn’t laugh then.” He’d done everything he could to keep from hearing the gospel. The Word had struck raw nerves, sunk deep, and worried him.

She put her hand on his arm. “Varus and your mother and all the others had never even heard the name Jesus until a few weeks ago.” She watched his face tighten. She gently brushed her fingers across his brow. “God was patient with you, my love. Be patient with them.”

He sat up. “Varus insults God. He mocks him to my face.”

She uttered a quick, silent prayer. “And you didn’t?” she said, reminding him as gently as she could.

Sighing, Atretes closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck.

Rizpah rose and knelt behind him. Combing her fingers through his long hair, she kissed him and then began to knead the taut muscles in his neck and shoulders. “Love them, Atretes.”

“It doesn’t come as easily for me as it does for you.”

She thought of Marta calling her children away and Caleb crying because he wanted to play with them. “It’s not easy for me, either, but if we allow anger to reside in us, we’re more guilty than they are because we know the better way. Anger doesn’t achieve the righteousness of God, nor will it open their hearts to hear his Word. Anger stirs up strife. You’ve got to put your anger aside, Atretes. Otherwise, you’ll never hear what Varus and the others are saying to us and what stands in the way to their acceptance of Christ.”

“I can’t sit and say nothing like you do.”

“Speak then, but speak from love.”

“From love,” he said drolly. Shrugging off her hands, he rose and stepped away from her. “Your way takes too long. My people have to accept the truth now, before it’s too late.”

“It’s not my way, Atretes. It’s the Lord’s way. Remember what we’ve been taught. ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love isn’t the easy way. It’s an act of will to follow Jesus. If you love Jesus, you must do his will. And his will is that we love others as he first loved us.”

“I can’t.”

“No,” she said. “You can’t.”

Atretes shook his head, annoyed because he didn’t understand her. “First you say I must, then agree I can’t. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to understand, and I haven’t the right words to explain. I’m not like Theophilus, so knowledgeable with Scripture. But I know what the Lord tells me.”

“What does God tell you?”

“It’s not our love that will reach Varus. It’s Christ’s love. We have to decide to listen to the Lord each time a situation arises where our own pride wants to take control.”

“So you’re saying I should ignore Varus’ insults?”

“Yes.”

“Say nothing when he mocks God?”

“Yes.”

“Be kind,” he sneered.

“Yes.”

“Varus needs to learn respect, if not for God, then at least for me as his older brother and a chief of the Chatti.”

She saw the anger building in his eyes, the self-defense, the pride. But she couldn’t let it go. She couldn’t leave things as they were. She was concerned for Varus and Freyja and the others, but more concerned for what she saw happening to Atretes.

“Atretes, how can you hate your brother and still love God?”

He frowned, deeply troubled by her words.

Rizpah saw and prayed, Let him hear, Lord. She rose and came closer. “If you hold anger against Varus, you contend with God. The longer you hold on to your anger, the greater it becomes. The more room you give to anger, the less you have for the Lord, until finally there won’t be any room for him at all in your life.” She blinked back tears. She wanted desperately for him to understand. “Don’t you see? You can’t serve two masters.”

Hearing the tremor in her voice, Atretes looked at her. His heart softened as he saw tears welling in her eyes. He reached out and cupped her cheek. “You’re too soft.”

“The way before us is hard, but straight.” She placed her hand over his. “When you love Varus, you serve the Lord,” she said, tears slipping down her cheeks. “When you fight with him, you serve Tiwaz.”

“You’d forgive them anything, wouldn’t you?”

“The Lord forgave me everything.”

As God has forgiven me, Atretes thought, believing his crimes a thousand times worse than hers. He pulled her close. “I’ll try,” he said softly and kissed her hair. All the tension left him when she put her arms around him. He raised his head and looked to heaven. “I will try.”